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Where have all the sexy men gone? Are women in serious relationships sexually starved? Remember when men wanted sex from their partners, only to be rejected by them? When women feigned headaches, fatigue, or were just not in the mood for sex? That was then and this is now. Read More
There are other ways to keep the sexual interest
Your blog post is very interesting and to confirm your point - my wife and I fell into the same trap as new parents. I (the man) lost a lot of sexual interest after having kids. I am not really sure why. Part of it was because of the added stress, while I am sure some of it had to do with the notion that there are things you want to do with a woman that is NOT the mother of your children.
Recently, we have begun to explore sex with other people - but ALWAYS together as a couple. This entry into the swinging lifestyle has definitely boosted my interest and desire in her and has brought us closer together.
Roxy and C
http://www.fantasyplan.com
http://www.twitter.com/fantasyplan
Other ways to keep the sexual interest
Your solution, albeit creative, may spark sexual interest, however it sounds like you've taken the Whore to the extreme. Is your wife really comfortable with this arrangement or is she doing it to please you as Madonna's do?
More common than people think.
I run into this more often than I ever anticipated when I started my business. I've been reading for years that it's women with the low sex drives but more and more of my clients are asking me how to increase their husbands' libido.
I agree that difference in sexual drive is pretty common and that stress, daily life and overloaded schedules can be a factor. I think sometimes the solution is as simple as making your sex life a priority. Schedule some time to reconnect and communicate w/ your partner. Adding something new and different never hurts either. While the swinging lifestyle may be too extreme for some the introduction of a new sex toy or great book is enough to get things rolling again.
Make some time and try something new. Stretch your comfort zone and see what happens!!
Rachel
www.facebook.com/rachel.d.miller1
www.twitter.com/reigniteromance
More common than people think
Rachel,
I applaud your insights and suggestions.
Thanks!
Thanks. I'm glad you agree.
Doing in home romance parties gives me a front row seat in people's personal lives. Because I do ordering privately I hear many concerns, issues and problems. My goal is to encourage more connecting & better communication. If I have a product that can assist them w/ this then great but even if all I do is get them to really focus on their relationship then I feel I've done my job. That's how my blog started. Just one more way for me to remind people, make some time to reignite the romance!!
Rachel
thanks
Hi Rachel
I don't really know what you mean by 'in home romance parties' or 'ordering privately', but as a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyts, I write about the most erogenous zone in the body - the brain. The launch pad of lust and lvoe contains empathy, emotional attunement, reciprocity, mutuality.
Interesting and true in some cases
The man probably wants to be treated like a man, but if she constantly nags on every little detail, he will have NO desire for romance.
Moreover, since you are a clinical psychologist, you should have a decent understanding of men's desires. In this case, perhaps the wife hasn't lost the baby fat and the husband is making excuses because he finds her unnattractive now.
It goes both ways. He needs to be the man: do the little fixes around the house. And she needs to be the woman: nurturing and sexy.
Remember, a man is never allowed to tell a woman that she is overweight. We just make excuses about her behavior when really we find her weight unnattractive. Joining a gym for physical health is just as important as talking to a clinical psychologist for mental health.
Interesting and true in some cases
Yuo raise several points, and I notice that you have designated stereottpical roles to men and women. Fixing things and nurturing and sexy are not gender specific, men and women can incorporate these traits.
As for nagging, perhaps there the man is not stepping up to the plate and so he provokes the nagging,and the faulty interaction is on its way.
If you love a woman, and you empathize with where she is at - perhaps post partum depression so she is not able to attend to her weight - baby fat would not get in the way of sex.
Together
This is something we both agreed to try together. This isnt about Libido, it is about finding ways to add sexual pleasure to two people's lives. It still amazes me (we are pretty new at this) how erotic it can be to see your spouse being pleasured by someone else.
Together
In my clinical and research experience swinging is not the road to intimate relating. In fact, sex with strangers is really about avoiding true intimacy. How about trying empathy, emotional attunenment, and anayltic therapy where you can examine your sexuality.
Adding not replacing
Perhaps it is possible that a couple can share both an intimate relationship and a family life, while also sharing in simple sexual pleasure with others? We prefer the rush of another couple more than a roller coaster at 60mph down a hill. I see nothing wrong with that. There is no loss of intimacy between us, no lack of empathy. We simply have a once in a while good time. Analytic therapy? For what issue? Desiring the physical pleasure that sex brings?
Adding not replacing
Aything is possible, but not necessarily healthy. I again maintain your marriage lacks real intimacy and many other marriages who have gone the swinging way did not last.
Thank you for your advice and concern
After 14 years, we simply chose to add another physical element. I am glad we did, no, WE are glad we did.
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