Do you believe in love at first sight?
Approximately 60% of Americans do. And over 50% say they have experienced it.
Now what does a person really see at first sight?
The answer can be found in the process whereby the vast majority of Americans screen for potential partners. It is a 2-step screening process.
In Step 1, there is a scan of the environment and all people deemed as “unsuitable” are quickly checked out and summarily passed over. Obviously, a very important screening criterion in our culture is physical attractiveness. So during this first step, the unattractive are deemed unsuitable and are coolly (coldly?) eliminated from further consideration. They essentially become invisible.
Step 2. Those in the environment who have not been eliminated in Step 1 are now scanned more carefully. The most suitable --- those judged most attractive --- are then selected for further attention and possible selection.
Love at first sight. Ah, we have it down to a science…….
But still not much of substance going on there.
How well does an initial attraction to someone predict the likelihood of a long-term, stable, satisfying relationship with that person? You guessed it --- not well at all.
And then we wonder why so many dating relationships turn out so poorly……..
But then what does an initial attraction to someone predict?
Essentially it predicts this --- a release of powerful neurotransmitter chemicals into the nervous system (for example, Epinephrine, Dopamine, Phenylethylamine, Endorphins --- see Is A Hook-Up Culture Going To Help Us Get There? for a little more detail).
And what does this bio-chemical potion coursing through the nervous system predict?
It’s a no-brainer --- physiological arousal.
Ah, love at first sight.
Now admittedly, you may resonate with American author and playwright Jean Kerr, who once wrote, “I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”
But as for me, I am more inclined to suggest that as long as we continue to use the word “love” to describe what is in reality little more than a transitory physiological experience, then we are going to continue to get little more than a transitory experience from our love.
As an old Chinese adage suggests: “If you continue to do what you have always done, you will continue to get what you have always gotten.”
