Imagine that you are out shopping for a pair of jeans. Are you the type of person who finds a really good pair of jeans --- great fit, appealing style, good price --- but you feel that you have to check out a few more stores before you decide to buy – just in case there’s a better deal 3 stores down the street?
Or are you more the type of person who has found that perfect pair of jeans --- great fit, appealing style, good price --- so you buy them – why look further when you’ve already found a perfectly good pair of jeans?
What about TV viewing? Some people may be watching a program that they really are enjoying, but they continually feel the need to click through the other options that might be available. For other individuals, however, once they find an enjoyable show, they are typically content to simply leave that program on without repeatedly checking for other alternatives.
How about listening to music on the car radio? Do you find a song that you enjoy, but nonetheless continue to flip through the stations, checking out other options? Or do you simply leave the radio tuned to the station that is playing the music you are enjoying?
These are examples of what Barry Schwartz has referred to as MAXIMIZERS versus SATISFICERS.
Maximizers are people who desire the absolute best. As a result, they tend to keep checking, even though what they already have is very good. “How can I be sure that what I have is really the best – unless I keep checking?”
Satisficers, on the other hand, tend to be satisfied once certain standards have been met. Once they find that perfectly good pair of jeans, that enjoyable TV program, that pleasurable song --- “Why keep looking when I already have a perfectly good alternative?”
Research has revealed that when comparing Maximizers versus Satisficers:
- Maximizers engage in more product comparisons (even AFTER a purchase has been made)
- Maximizers take longer to decide on a purchase
- Nonetheless they tend to feel less positive about their purchasing decisions
- Maximizers spend more time thnking about alternatives that they may have passed up.
In last week’s Love Bytes blog, we discussed the importance of Appreciation / Gratitude / Fondness for your partner --- the IT. Couples with IT are happy together; couples without IT find themselves wrestling with a growing disaffection. Couples who continue to develop IT don’t ever consider splitting; couples who let IT slip have stepped out onto the slippery slope of failing love.
I suspect that all of us have experienced the fact that this IT is sometimes tough to maintain. And this can especially be the case when a partner struggles with significant character flaws --- it’s difficult to maintain Appreciation / Gratitude / Fondness for someone who is in the throes of an addiction OR whose anger continually gets the better of them OR who is a compulsive liar OR who prefers sex with a pornographic image rather than you OR…….
But sometimes the problem with maintaining IT has less to do with our partner and more to do with us.
Let’s consider the MAXIMIZER versus the SATISFICER.
In some of the research we have been conducting here at the University of St. Thomas, we have been studying the connection between Maximizers versus Satisficers and various aspects of loving relationships. Here are a few of our findings:
Maximizers are far more uncertain / doubtful / ambivalent about the prospect of marriage --- for example, they are far more likely to agree with statements like: “One of the toughest things about marriage is that it forces you to close off lots of other alternatives.” [Recall how long it takes Maximizers to make purchasing decisions.] If you are dating a Maximizer (and you are hoping to marry), just be aware that they may end up shopping for a very long time before deciding to buy.
When in a serious relationship (whether dating or married), Maximizers score lower on all 3 of Sternberg’s Components of Love. They score lower on Intimacy (“My partner and I self-disclose a lot to each other”), on Passion (“I feel powerful attraction for my partner”), and on Commitment (“I think this relationship will last forever”). In other words, even though Maximizers state that they are in love, they end up experiencing LESS Intimacy, LESS Passion, and LESS Commitment in their love relationship than do Satisficers. [Recall the fact that Maximizers tend to feel less positive about a purchase after it has been made.]
When in a serious relationship (whether dating or married), Maximizers are more apt to pay attention to possible alternative partners. For example, they are far more likely to agree with the following statement: “I flirt with people of the opposite sex without mentioning that I am dating (or married).” [Recall Maximizers and their inclination to make product comparisons, even after a purchase.]
Sometimes it’s the case that we’ve already found a perfectly good pair of jeans, or a perfectly good TV program, or a perfectly good song, OR A PERFECTLY GOOD PARTNER --- and yet, we find it difficult to maintain our Appreciation / Gratitude / Fondness.
It is important to realize that sometimes the struggle we have with Appreciation / Gratitude / Fondness is less a function of who we have and more a function of who we are.
Reference: Schwartz, Barry (2004). The Paradox of Choice. NY: Harper Collins.
