For many of us, the first time we ever come face to face with the fact that there may be some weeds in our lives --- some areas where change may be needed --- is when we get into a serious long-term relationship. With most of our friends and acquaintances over the years, they have figured that it’s just not worth it to confront us on our poor decisions, our sloppy behaviors, our bad habits, and our character flaws. [Either that or they are so busy engaging in these behaviors with us that there is little room for criticism.]
But the rules of the game change with the serious long-term relationship --- that is – IF we remain in the relationship long enough. And this is as it should be --- without confronting the weeds, how could we ever expect our love for one another to grow to the point where it continues to flower with new life?
[Admittedly, many people bolt whenever a relationship gets to the point where the weeds begin to be identified and there are expectations for change. And then they wonder why they can’t find true love……..]
In several of the previous Love Bytes blog, I have alluded to the fact that I entered marriage with a lot of weeds in my life. Many of the weeds had been planted there by others --- read: dysfunctional family of origin. But I would be disingenuous if I didn’t also admit that I spent a few years of my life sowing some of my own weeds. At any rate, I slowly came to realize that regardless of who put them there, that garden is my responsibility.
On one of the walls in my office there are several dozen quotes that have had special significance in my life. I have been placing these quotes on the wall for so many years now that I can’t remember which one was first, but it may have been this one by Portia Nelson titled:
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
