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2Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy: Jung's Typology, Eudaemonology, and the Elusive Art of Happinessby Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D.
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Honor
When couples have honor (they honor each other), love flourishes.
Cliff hanger!
I can't wait for your next installment!! If I may also venture a guess, is it respect?
Does your wife call you a
Does your wife call you a tease? ;)
Cliffhanger
Wow, that is a brutal use of the cliffhanger. You just leave us on the edge of our seats like that. I hope my marriage makes it to next week to figure out what it needs.
Your Loving Son
Affection
And the winner is --- Affection. If a husband is affectionate with his wife, love flourishes. But when AFFECTION begins to wane, so too does the love that enables the relationship to thrive.
Affection!?!
You are as dramatic as Favre
Buri,
Your drama moments are like Favre. I read through your words to find out but nothing at the end. Incredible Drama! It is like Favre's decision that will be made this week.....Wow!
I've had to wait forever for Favre's decision so I can wait a week for your's.
The Favre decision is like a wedding decision
This might sound silly but I think it is symbolic. Here is a part of an article written on nfl.com, "He (Favre) has completed surgery, worked hard to get his arm in shape, courted the Vikings, they have courted him and now here both are on a cliff. Leap? I think Favre believes he owes the Vikings something. I think he is juxtaposing that with what he owes his Packers fans. And a million thoughts and what-ifs for him in between." If you have been following the story, this is about Favre's decision. I've gone at this whole thing just wanting a QB for our super bowl bound team. Now I've tried to feel empathy for Favre (something my wife is training me to do with her).
Regardless of his decision, I felt like I was at this cliff the week of my wedding. It strikes me that a large part of me didn't want to jump but a large part did. Now I have and I want to make it work.
The Wedding Decision
I am going to take off with Dave's point [not the Favre symbolism] on the wedding decision. I actually have a sister who told me that she knew she didn't want to marry her first husband but did anyway. I recently had a colleague who when she was walking down the aisle knew that she was making a mistake. She said that she was thinking this on the walk down the aisle. Wow! She explained that the pressure and all of the work her mother put into it was too much to leave. So, on the one hand, it is interesting to think about people getting married for all of the wrong reasons. I am not researching this topic right now [but that would be interesting to get some numbers on people who knew it was the wrong decision within 7 days of the wedding/altor]; but here are two women I know who knew the day of the wedding that it was wrong. Both marriages ended fast.
Let me look at it from the other side of things, not necessarily from the gender perspective, but more from the experience of those who decide to not marry. I wonder how those turn out. It would be interesting to see some survey data on regret or not. I recently read about a professional basketball player who had cold feet and didn't follow through on marrying his bride despite a $2 million wedding. Apparently there were more than a few funerals within the last month and high stress was a factor in the decision. But, it is hard to get the full story.
In my own life, 2 months before I got married, I had lots of doubt. I had an experience {I'll omit details here] that was profound on a particular night and I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My doubt had gone away, anxiety dissipated, and my fear was gone. I now had a motivation and a commitment level necessary to follow through on the marriage.
I am not sure if I am getting near Dr. Buri's question here but Dave triggered some thoughts for me. This whole business of the decision before the wedding and during the wedding it a fascinating thing.
Peace
Peace defined as no fighting, arguing, or disagreeing.
consideration. profound understaning
is it consideration? understanding your spouses feelings and working to amend any blunders.
Sex!
Is it sex? When couples have good sex (perceived by both), love flourishes. But when good sex (experienced by both) begins to wane, so too does the love that enables the relationship to thrive.
Respect
Is it respect?
My vote is with peace
Conflict problems evade peace. My vote is peace without conflict.
Humor?
When couples have it, love flourishes. But when this thing begins to wane, so too does the love that enables the relationship to thrive? What is this thing?
My guess is humor!
When couples have humor, love flourishes. But when humor begins to wane, so too does the love that enables the relationship to thrive.
I think humor because life is tough and full of troubles. Life can also be taken and approached with humor. These troubles seem less harmful with humor. In a marriage, it seems that laughter is the best medicine.
Acceptance
I say it is acceptance!?
Accepting who I am and who my husband is - imperfections and problems. Acceptance is something that has been important to the both of us in AA. Courage and wisdom are the 2nd the 3rd components of the serenity prayer that we say daily and at our 2 weekly meetings. But, the first component is acceptance. ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE.
I say love flourishes with acceptance.
I have no idea what this could be,
I wish I knew what it was exactly that makes a love that seemed like it would last quickly disappate.
I have my doubts about whether or not this one word will really ring true for ALL relationships, with relationships seeming so vastly different from another.
The one thing that I would think would make sense would be TIME spent together, or PROXIMITY...both lacking in my last relationship.
Passion
I think passion because when it wanes, so does the love in the relationship. Then, what you have what we all have when we look at our parents - passionless marriages.
When couples have OPENNESS, love flourishes.
When couples have openness, love flourishes.
you're a dick
you're a dick
Sounds like you have an anger problem
Yo Anonymous,
Sounds like you are angry because you can't wait a week. Wah! I actually sing a song to my children called, "Wheels on the bus." there is a line in there that sings, "And the babies on the bus, go wha wha wha, wha wha wha." That is you - a baby!
I like that song!
I sing that song to my children too! Mr. Anonymous is a baby! Can't even wait a week. Poor baby! Why don't you apologize to the writer you baby!
Like many men
I just want to finish or continue a thread from last week (THIS MIGHT SEEM OUT OF PLACE BUT I AM REMINDED OF SOMETHINGS HERE). Someone (anonymous) asked last week if there are men without an anger problem. I mentioned that I didn't think so, at least with all of the men I know (dad, 2 grandpas, three brothers, and husband) and my girlfriends saw threads of anger in their men.
This anonymous person (dick comment person) is probably a guy who has patience problems. But, I would probably say that you are no different than many folks but your behaviors make you different. Many of us want an answer to the question but don't say what you said.
The differences of those with anger come down to how they respond, behave, what they do when they're angry. The Anger Management movie (adam sandler, jack nickolson) has to do with what people do with their anger.
Just some thoughts.....
One of my sons said the same
One of my sons said the same thing......
My vote is communication - and lots of it.
Buri,
I got sidetracked by the comment above and thought I would respond to the baby.
But, My vote is commucation. When communication wanes, love faces. When it is full, love thrives.
Intimacy
Intimacy, the key and central component of Sternberg's love triangle. When you have commitment, intimacy is what makes passion thrive. Love flourishes when you have intimacy.
Good Sex
Good Sex!
Communication
Communication with honesty and lots of playfulness and humor. I am going with these two.
Openness
Openness and disclosure!
My vote is = good food!
I am a chef! I've worked for 20+ years. My step-son got me looking at these blogs on my break. All I can say is that good food has made our family go for three generations.
Respect
Respect for each other!
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