- Home
- Find a Therapist
- Topics
- Tests
- Magazine
- Psych Basics
- Blogs
- Diagnosis Dictionary
What happens when women do not bring up issues to their husbands, when they bottle up their feelings rather than express them, when they keep quiet about those things that are bothering them? Read More
can we clone you, please?
that is all.
Truth to cloning
Dear anonymous,
There is some truth to your cloning idea. The specific behaviors and skills Dr. Buri identifies in his blog is what needs to be cloned. Obviously, you or others who may think similarly don't want millions of the same person but you want the specific behaviors that are successful replicated. This is actually possible. The scientific method in research continues to navigate to the most important and successful behaviors that make the biggest difference in relationships. It is not a crapshoot or a roll of the dice, but rather, a specific set of actions that accomplish meaningful and healthy relating. We need to find ways to clone -not avoiding difficult discussions!!!!!
Open your eyes
I take offense at wanting to clone the writer. There are lots of good men out there.
Seriously?
And obviously you aren't one of them, otherwise you wouldn't be taking offense to simple compliments and funny remarks directed at another man. Get over yourself bub.
You are missing the point.
I agree with seriously. Rather than rag on people who post comment on the article.
My emphasis was meant to be "on other good men"
Dear Anonymous and Bull,
I am over myself. But, I appreciate your reminder. I could use your jab daily to remind me of the importance of staying humble. Thank you.
Now, onto a clarification. Using the words "I am offended" may have been too strong as it clearly triggered a couple of reactions. I do appreciate the compliments directed toward Buri. But, what was reminded for me is the idea that Anonymous' comments of cloning has some connotations. I certainly don't want to read too much into it; perhaps it is a humorous way to remark and compliment. I can appreciate witty elements of complimenting in unique ways.
Bloggers were very interested
Bloggers were very interested in "crap" definitions these last few weeks -- clarity on what 'owning your crap' meant. Bloggers seemed to have pointed out that people were waiting on types of crap. It seems that your blog post defines a key aspect of marital strength being men not avoiding and the ensuing negative effects of men who avoid. While the study you found shows the increased susceptibility for coronary heart disease for women, their is also negative consequences for men. It probably goes without saying that men lose out on those strengths you mentioned when they avoid -- improved skills on facilitating intimacy, nurturing relationships, stronger bonds.
The upside of NOT AVOIDING is actually that the difficulty and aversion of avoidance lessens (sometimes very slowly depending on one's background and family of origin issues). Thus, it may get easier (for some, slowly) over time!!!
Avoiding
I have to admit that I avoid sometimes and sometimes I don't. What can I say? I know my brother loves to get into it all of the time. I am not sure it works out so well for him. I am not like that. I try to not avoid and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't work so well.
Our parents didn't exaxtly teach us good confict. It was dad's way or the highway as that old saying goes. My wife tends to be understanding at times and other times she does that harsh start up thing.
I avoid often
I am aware that my avoidance is a problem. Last night, I avoided until I screamed. She finally listened to me after I screamed. It seems when I boil over Sue will listen. Before that, listening is minimal.
On other times, I am able to have conversations with my wife. I have the hardest time when I am stressed. Is there a way to help my wife know the best times to bring up stressful conversations?
Post new comment