Love Bytes

Insights on Our Deepest Desire

John Buri is Professor of Psychology at the University of St. Thomas and the author of How To Love Your Wife. See full bio

November 17, 2009

If You Want Intimacy, Then Find Someone Who....

A few months ago USA Today reported on the results of a survey of nearly 4,000 18-30 year old men and women in the U.S. --- 75% responded that they “would rather be alone than marry the wrong person.”

Unfortunately, no one offered a suggestion as to what “the wrong person” might look like. Here are a couple suggestions about “the wrong person.”

November 10, 2009

Poaching And The Heart Of Love

Deer hunting opener occurred here in Minnesota this past Saturday. Hundreds of Minnesotans out in the woods trying their best to bag a Bambi. And for some, their best entailed poaching.

Poaching typically involves the placement of highly enticing deer delectables --- a feeder dispensing corn, a field scattered with pumpkins --- so that the unsuspecting prey will get all caught up in the moment and won’t notice that they are in a truly unhealthy situation.

Sometimes love is like this. Read More

November 3, 2009

Mistaking Passion For Love

“He used to juggle everything in his life so that he could make time to be with me. Now he juggles me so that I don’t interfere with the stuff in his life that he really cares about --- ESPN, golf, work.”

Passion is obviously important. But contrary to common sentiment, passion alone does not love make.

October 27, 2009

Passion Is Energizing

There is something about passion that is very vitalizing / energizing / refreshing. Couples who have sustained the passion in their relationship have a certain pizzazz to them. They radiate life. Just being around them is invigorating.

October 20, 2009

Is A Hook-Up Culture Going To Help Us Get There?

What happens (in the brain) when we experience the PASSION associated with a hook-up? Obviously, LOTS --- since such an experience will involve the stimulation of no fewer than several hundred thousand brain cells.

But more specifically, what bio-chemical concoction (love potion?) is brewing? Read More

October 13, 2009

Passion In A Hook-Up Culture

Under the old model of courtship, you would date someone a few times, and if you found that you were really attracted to that person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and if you find that you kind of like a person, then you might consider going on a date. Read More

October 6, 2009

Love David Letterman Style

Anybody been following the recent happenings swirling around David Letterman? Ah, the things done in the name of love. Read More

September 29, 2009

The Bullseye Of Love

Have you ever spent some time shooting arrows with a bow? Can you imagine how disconcerting / frustarting / annoying / bewildering it would be to work at perfecting your archery skills without knowing what the bullseye is? Do you know how disconcerting / frustrating / annoying / bewildering it is to work at perfecting your love skills without knowing what the bullseye is? Read More

September 22, 2009

Love: What Is It?

Nowhere in our culture do we find greater confusion than that which whirls around our notions of love. Yes --- even greater than the confusion that surrounds health care is the whirlpool of notions surrounding love.

Take the quiz. Read More

September 15, 2009

Life Isn't Tied With A Bow

Children were asked: “How would you make a marriage work?” Lori (age 8) replied: “If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that are red and maybe have a few diamonds on them.” And Ricky (age 10) stated: “Tell your wife she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”

Ah, the wisdom of youth.

As an alternative, here is some wisdom that has come with age. Read More

Books by John R. Buri, Ph.D.

How to Love Your Wife

Relationships Basics

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

Go to the Relationships Basics page for more on Relationships including:

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Books by John R. Buri, Ph.D.

Relationships Basics

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