Love and Sex in the Digital Age

Technology and the intimate relationship

Nymphomaniac—A Realistic Look at Female Hypersexuality?

In short, 'Nymphomaniac: Volume I' provides a spot-on depiction of the types of adult female sexual behaviors that can manifest as a delayed response to the neglect, emotional abuse, and other forms of trauma that sometimes occur during childhood. Read More

There Is NO SUCH THGING as a Nymphomaniac

I know, because I've been looking for years.

I am highly skeptical that you have ever met or treated any, but am willing to be proven wrong. Please send me their phone numbers immediately.

Thank you.

Hyper-sexual women do exist.

I should know, I am one of them.

Johnson, your response is appalling. Do you not know of the traditional therapist-client confidentiality agreement? It is precisely why Weiss or any other ethical psychotherapist will not compromise the identities of any of their clients, past or present, in any way--including those with hyper-sexuality. If Weiss or any other psychotherapist did so, they immediately put themselves at risk losing their professional licenses. Confidentiality violations is something that the licensing boards take seriously.

Shame doesn't come from nowhere

The shame of the typical nymphomaniac is not self-generated. It is the result of slut-shaming from the society at large. If society has come to accept those whose sexuality is not normative, and to understand that their not-normativeness is not the problem (as opposed to societal attitudes), the same needs to be done with non-normative sexuality. In short, it's not the nymphomaniac who needs treatment. It's the sex-phobes in society. Asking a nymphomaniac or hypersexual because of the societal shame s/he feels is like asking a homosexual or lesbian to change orientation or practice because of the shame he s/he feels at the hands of homo-phobes. Right?

The author is talking about

The author is talking about people who are traumatized, not simply people who like or enjoy a lot of sex or queer sex.
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I also find the term 'slut-shaming' applling. It implies that there is such a thing as a 'slut', thereby perpetuating the very judgement that you criticize.

Question About "Queer Sex"

My question is for Mr/Ms Anonymous. How do you define "queer sex"?

Sexual freedom

One of the things I like about this site is the insight and indepth examples many in todays professionals share with readers. Not a lot of people like talking about this stuff, and is not the kind of talk to have in a structure forum, because the subject can get complicated and confusing, even though many of the symptons these broken human beings are explainable. But there is one interesting difference I find intriguing when it comes to women who are hypersexual or may enjoy sex at a bigger rate than others: porn.

I am sure you heard of the college Duke student and her admission that she does porn to pay for college. A strong reaction took place. What do you think? On paper, she sounds like a perfectly, normal girl who is pursuing a college education. That sounds normal. But her admission as to how she is paying for it turned into more than an independent woman being responsble to pay for her education. Instead, turned into what you accurately pointed out. The abuse, the name-calling, the sexism, etc. Is it fair game? If we men act like men, is OK to look at porn, talk about girls, sleep with many women, etc. But if a girl, by all accounts is a free thinker, free from judgment, in her own right, all of a sudden she is a burden and is setting a bad example to many girls out there. Fair?

I didn't have a problem with her coming out, but once you publicly admit you are doing porn, some unintended consequences will follow suit. And that was my problem. I thought it should have stayed on campus, since the story originally broke at school. But the story was a unique case. And is not like she's the only student who does porn for monetary or personalized purposes. I doubt she's the only one. But because she was making the public rounds, it turned into a spectacle. Sometimes things are meant to be private, other times, they are not. Should we see her no different?

She sounded sane, and I understand the purpose of this article is to provide a thorough understanding of hypersexual women. I don't know if there are different levels of hypersexuality, or if all just come together. But I thought the Duke pornstar was a good example to use in this age where gender differences are highlighted, and how they can both be treated, respectively. But from what I understand, many pornstars do have troubled and traumatic pasts. Sexual, emotional or physical abuse are some common psychological problems for many of todays pornstars. And we know how difficult it can be for these women to publicly appear in the mainstream, and how their profession can have negative impact on societal norms. I truly believe in sexual freedom. Feminists bash these women as if they don't represent what the feminist movement is about. But feminism actually argues about sexual freedom, such as doing what you think is right for you, free of discrimination or judgment. At least in theory.

Serious disorders that impact your daily activities are always going to be around as long as people affected with these disturbances find hope. Just when I think I seen it or read it all, the field is barely picking up. Thanks for sharing.

Duke student was outed

"I didn't have a problem with her coming out"

Just to be clear, she was outed by a friend. And she has said that the only reason she didn't voluntarily come out is because she didn't want her family to be hassled.

And once you've been outed, if you don't make the "public rounds" the only impression out there is going to be everyone's but your own.

Telling the person to stop first

You said that, "Usually, however, before this psychodynamic work (looking at how the past affects the present) takes place, these individuals must stop the escapist behaviors they’ve been using to avoid emotional discomfort."

Mr. Weiss, telling the person to stop the escapist behaviors befoe they can do the psychodynamic work makes about as much sense as telling a bulemic not to come to therapy until she stops throwing up.

I find it highly unlikely

I find it highly unlikely that in most cases your female patients have been abused primarily by their mothers. Child sexual abuse by men is one of the most common causes of hypersexuality in traumatized women. A typical symptom of this trauma is that victims can become very attached to the men who abuse them, and subsequently other men in their lives. Becoming attached to a 'father figure' because of a mother's emotional abuse is a much less likely scenario. We must stop blaming women for the violence of men.

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Robert Weiss is the author of Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Sex, Intimacy and Relationships.

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