With Love and Gratitude

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Frisky 60s Flower Children Are Still Making Love Not War

Seniors catching the happy love bug may be oblivious to the risks.

The “Make Love Not War” flower children of the ’60s are taking the slogan seriously even today. The reality of healthy aging, sexually active seniors and octogenarian lovers are challenging the rules of decorum. In addition to the Hugh Hefners of the world, looking for Playboy bunnies and Barbies, there is a serious group of men and women looking for mature love and engaging in age-appropriate sex.  

While many young people shudder at the thought of grandparents having sex, it is becoming a reality.  As Matt Perry points out in the California Health Report, “Adults over 50 are the fastest growing demographic for online dating sites, according to a recent study from UCLA’s department of psychology. Yet while older adults often value companionship over passion and marriage, experts say frisky behavior by seniors should never be underestimated."

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In fact, even those in nursing care facilities have a tendency to catch the love bug. However, as Perry points out, “Weighing the privacy rights of patients and the responsibilities of caregiving can be a harrowing balancing act that often creates a chilling effect on hot behavior. “Birds Do It. Bees Do It. So Why Shouldn’t Grandparents Do It?

Sex Predicts Happiness

An increase in sexual activity is a strong predictor for happiness, according to the data analysis of the General Social Survey, funded by the National Science Foundation. 

Happiness increases with frequency of sex, even among those over 65, according to Adrienne Jackson, an assistant professor of physical therapy at Florida A& M University. But here is a downside. Dating originating in cyberspace among the over-50 group and those embracing life to the fullest by engaging in consensual sex may be putting themselves in harm’s way. 

Last summer a report in the British Medical Journal noted that some 80 percent of men and women ages 50 to 90 are sexually active. However, many in this group seem to feel that they are immune from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). The incidence of STDs in this age group has more than doubled over the past 10 years. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also reported an alarming increase, particularly in states heavily populated by the retired set.

One of the most comprehensive surveys of sexual behavior among older adults showed that 73 percent of those 57-64 had sex during the past year, as had 53 percent of those 65-74 and 26 percent of those 75-85. 

This research was from a study of sexuality and health among older U.S. adults as reported in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2007 headed by Edward O. Laumann. A distinguished professor and dean at the University of Chicago, he is an analyst for the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behavior, a survey of 27,500 men and women 40 to 80 in 29 countries.

Infidelity and dementia

In talking with Professor Laumann regarding infidelity statistics, he pointed out a perplexing issue. Is it considered infidelity when one partner has no recollection of his or her spouse?

We saw a well-reported case of this with retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and her husband. She retired from the bench because of his worsening dementia. Then her son revealed that when they went to visit him at the nursing home, he was holding hands with another woman — his new love.

Intimacy and fulfilllent

Gayle Appel Doll, director of Kansas State University’s Center for Aging, has written Sexuality and Long-Term Care (Health Professions Press). It is a sensitive look at sexuality issues, staff attitudes and family influences. The book, which also addresses the needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered residents in long-term-care facilities, includes questionnaires that might help this population and the baby boomers.

Healthy aging

With or without sexual intimacy, healthy aging can be embraced, according to psychologist Susan  Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.  She noted that in her research on long-term fulfillment in midlife adults, published in her book, The Search for Fulfillment (Ballentine Books) she identified a developmental pathway from college to the 50s calls “the triumphant trail.”

A University of Massachusetts, Amherst, professor, who writes for PsychologyToday.com, Dr. Whitbourne noted, “The men and women who managed to cope most successfully with adversity had, when they were in college, more optimistic personalities than their peers. Their scores were high on [pioneering psychologist] Erik Erikson’s theory of trust, meaning that they had faith in their environment and felt that the world was a good place.”

We often read of the search for the fountain of youth. Perhaps the ’60s flower children have found it through a positive attitude spiced with gratitude, laughter and a healthy dose of loving sex.

Adapted in part from the Providence Journal and New American Media http://bit.ly/VfdiHx. (For a series on aging, please go to Boomers and Elders at Rita Watson - Journalist

Rita Watson, who has a master’s degree in public health, is a 2013 MetLife Foundation Journalist in Aging Fellow through the Gerontological Society of America and New America Media. 

Copyright 2013 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Rita Watson is an Associate Fellow at Yale's Ezra Stiles College and a columnist for The Providence Journal.

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