With Love and Gratitude

A blessing a day keeps the doc away

10 Ways to Take Control of Saturday Night Alone

If Prince Charming didn't call, make another plan.

While romance eludes many women, today magazines, movies, and television still tout the love myth -- without love, without a partner, you are not whole. But here is the underlying message: "If you want to be happy, you must be in love." 

In our search for love, all too often we look for “breathless” instead of values and stability because many of us were raised to believe in Prince Charming. 

We had an Aunt Virginia who insisted that we go to bed each night wearing a pure silk nightgown, a splash of Joy, and a strand of pearls because "You never know who you might meet in your dreams."

Even in our dreams Prince Charming may not always arrive with the glass slipper. What if the bridge is out and his white horse can’t navigate the river? What if Prince Charming was on his way, but became sidetracked by a damsel in distress?  What if there is no Prince Charming?   Then what?  We take control.  Protect Yourself from Heartbreak

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If you are alone on Saturday night there are three possible reasons:  

  • There is no Mr. Right.
  • You thought you met him, but he didn't call. 
  • You made no other plans.

Instead of sitting by the phone anxiously waiting for the all, make a plan.

4  ways to overcome Saturday night blues right now:

1. Face down the monster called “Alone.”  By giving up the fear of "Alone" you make room in your life and heart for Serendipity's surprise – an out of the blue encounter. Sometimes love is not riding a white horse, but arrives quietly as a complement to our life.  

2. Ask a friend to join you. Make a reservation to dine out lavishly.  Treat yourself and your best friend to a fabulous supper. Pay for both of you. Create a memory.

3. Plan an "out of character" event, maybe two or three, that will give you a loving lift. Offer to baby-sit for a single mother. Serve a meal at a shelter. Visit a nursing home – residents are all very lonely on the week-end. Sign up to volunteer for at least three months at an organization that needs your help.

4. Make staying home on Saturday a special event.  Treat yourself to every beauty luxury you can imagine. Put on a beautiful robe. Pour yourself some bubbly. Read the book that has been on your coffee table for two weeks. Or make a strategic plan for meeting men in your own community without having to deal with the Internet. 

Six thoughts for the future:

1.Face facts:  If there was a man in your life, and you are alone on Saturday night, admit to yourself why he didn't call.  I'm with the hard, cold reality of He's Just Not That into You camp. You may have been panting with wishes and desire, but he didn't feel the spark.  And if you are unsure about the guy whom you thought was your "one and only" have a look at Jen Kim's Signs He's Just Not That Into You | Psychology Today

2. Ask yourself this question:"Did you really want to be with him or did you really just want to be in a relationship?"  Was he Mr. Right of just Mr. Someone? Settling for Mr. Good Enough

3. Define qualities: What is it that you really wish for in someone to love? In the search the love, have you ever thought to define qualities you value in a logical, business-like manner?

  • Make a list of your own positive qualities.
  • Write down the qualities that you really would like to see in a partner.
  • Do a side by side pros and cons list.

Chances are, if you look at your list realistically, Mr. Never-Called is not worthy of you. Although he might return, rather than fall into the anxiety trap of waiting and wondering, keep in mind that you can break free with dignity. 20 Thoughts on How to Say, “It’s Over”

4. Look forward and not back: With every experience in life we gain perspective. It is really not very helpful to look back and say, "Why did I get involved with him in the first place?” just move on with gratitude.

5. Take a chance on cyber-dating: If you are skeptical, look at what Julie Spira has to say in Love Online: Dating Expert's Advice.

6. Embrace laughter: Before brooding about “alone on Saturday night” call a friend who makes you laugh until your sides ache. Keep in mind that laughter is attractive to both sexes. 

In any new relationship, always look for a sense of humor and a happy disposition.

Take to heart the words of Marcel Proust: "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." 

Copyright 2012 Rita Watson / All Rights Reserved

 

Rita Watson is an Associate Fellow at Yale's Ezra Stiles College and a columnist for The Providence Journal.

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