With Love and Gratitude

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Love Good Kissing? Date Generous Men Not Cheap Ones

The most delicious kisses are those given in love.

Kisses are given in friendship and in betrayal. Kisses are exchanged by friends, family, children, parents, lovers and "The Godfather" enemies. The most delicious of all kisses are those given in love. Keep in mind that a kiss, a truly sincere kiss, can enrapture and capture a heart.

When I realized it was time to take down the Valentine wreath on my front door, I also began to move some love books from the coffee table.  One was titled "The Art of Kissing: Tips & Techniques from the 1930s" by Pietro Ramirez Sr.

He says, "As in all matters pertaining to love, don't hurry the process of kissing.  A kiss is too rapturous a thing to be enjoyed for the moment and the moment only. Linger longer on her lips than you have ever lingered before."

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According to Jeremy Nicholson, MSW, PhD, in a Psychology Today post "Both men and women use kissing to decide on a potential partner (called mate assessment). Good kissers are more likely to get chosen as partners. Bad kissing, in contrast, is a deal-breaker." How to Kiss Persuasively  

As I thought about this, I began asking friends who have been involved with online love about kissers and kissing.  Anecdotally - it seems the men who are bad tippers are also bad kissers.  These men also appear to be stingy with loving words or gifts. And in today's online world - both men and women like loving words. Love Online: Dating Expert's Advice and the Love Letter Wish

Why label narcissists or those with OCD?

Women often call cheap men narcissists, but in fact the stinginess trait may also be related to an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. (OCPD)

But is this trait their own fault, so to speak? Looking at the psychological literature, an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is marked by rigidity, control, and stinginess. Further it is noted in Factor 8 - obsessionality - in Dimensions of Personality Pathology: An Alternative to the Five Factor Model.

Does pathology really matter when none of us happens to be perfect?  What matters is our action and interaction with someone whom we care about in a relationship.  If one is looking for love, the struggle is to find a healthy union.  One of mutual giving, sharing, and yes - devotion!

Sometimes we fall into patterns whether married or single.  We are so inundated with the how and why of the big orgasm that we forget that love can be a night of long, tender kisses.

Kisses - long and luscious

At a recent wedding, some of my younger son's contemporaries talked with me about the ways and wiles of women. And I began looking into how each generation viewed the world of love.

Then the other evening, I had dinner with The Loving Local Lothario.  He had similiar questions about women's wants and needs, as he most often dated women in their 40s. He then asked how many of the 60 new positions that pop up each month in women's magazines men were expected to master.

"What ever happened to a night of long, loving kisses. What about a full 10 second kiss?" he wondered.

When the evening ended, as we left the neighborhood pub, I kissed him on both cheeks, and said "Good Night."

Perhaps one day he will learn that a 10 second kiss is a delight until one experiences the 30 second lip lock.

Some kissing quotes:

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous./Ingrid Bergman

A friend is always good to have, but a lover's kiss is better than angels raining down on me. / Dave Matthews

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves./Albert Einstein

With a kiss let us set out for an unknown world./ Alfred de Musset

How did it happen that their lips came together?  How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill?  A kiss, and all was said./ Kissing Quotes, Victor Hugo

Kisses are given in friendship and in betrayal.  But the most delicious of all kisses are those given in love.

Copyright Rita Watson 2012 / All Rights Reserved

Follow Rita Watson on Twitter @LoveColumnist

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Rita Watson, MPH, is an Associate Fellow at Yale's Ezra Stiles College and a columnist for The Providence Journal.

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