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When you have a funny feeling inside about the man in your life—consider it a red flag waving. Intuition plays a valuable role in relationships, especially for women. If properly cultivated, intuition can help you through perplexing times. By creating a safety shell wrapped in gratitude, communicating effectively can help you get at the truth, allay fears, and even strengthen your relationship without putting a damper on intimacy.
Passionate sex and "the talk" hardly seem synonymous. Ask a guy if he is game for a night of wild passion and he will jump out of his jeans without taking a breath.
Say to a guy, "Can we talk?" and you have created a moment that seems destined for accusations.
Men feel threatened by the truth talk in which women want answers. But if women can create a neutral atmosphere, then it is possible to have both the talk and a night of loving. Here are reasons that men avoid the talk.
- They have something to hide such as another woman:
If you have even a suspicion there is another woman, especially a wife, you owe it to yourself to find out. Confront without being confrontational or simply get out of the relationship.
A young woman recently confided that she decided to trust the new man in her life rather than push him for answers. She became suspicious because he rarely returned her phone calls promptly, particularly at night And she never heard from him on a Saturday night.
She did not confront him because she was afraid that if she did, he would back away. Two months later she learned that he was married with children. Infidelity and Marriage: Deal- breaker or Wake-up Call by Rita Watson and Bill Mitchell
- They are unsure of their feelings for you:
If he is unsure of his feelings than you must be unsure as well because you feel a sense of anxiety and an emptiness. Why not express gratitude for the relationship and hold off on pushing him to define where the relationship is going? Try taking it one day at a time.
- They have concerns that 'Let's talk' will be a complaint session:
If you really have something you wish to talk about, the secret is to state your feelings without accusing and perhaps even without asking for a resolution. You might start by saying, "I need your help with something that is bothering me."
- They are unwilling to make a commitment:
If you are dating a man who cannot commit, you probably know it from the start. Why push for the answer that you already know is coming? Perhaps learn more about the problem. David M. Allen, M.D. writing about Commitment Phobics for Psychology Today.com says, "Some commitment phobic adults are playing a dysfunctional family role."
The car, the answer, and tranquility
In reality many women tell me that they already know the answers they are seeking. If this is true in your case, the talk is a wedge between you—which is good if the man is already married, but not so good if you want to maintain the relationship.
When a car shows signs of stress, or needs a tune-up, men handle it immediately. There is a problem and men fix it. In a relationship, who is responsible for the tune up? Should women take the lead? Research at Yale indicates that women have so keen an intuition that they sense a relationship problem at its inception. Einstein's Space and Van Gogh's Sky: Physical Reality and Beyond
If men and women could develop their intuitive skills and interpret the silences, downcast eyes, uncomfortable moments and body language, perhaps more relationships will be saved.
Or should women be using their gift of intuition to cultivate non-judgmental spaces within the home? In an atmosphere with no hidden agendas, just simple clarity, both parties will benefit.
When home is a sanctuary, men might come to see that "Can we talk?" is as easy as test driving a car.
Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
Follow Rita Watson on Twitter @ LoveColumnist
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