Aunt Toosie No. 1 Match-Maker says, "Why not?"
What do men really want in a relationship and should women be catering to their needs? The answer is a bit complicated and it appears to differ with age. For those under the age of 40,
sex ranked first. For the over 40s cuddling and kissing took the top spot.
Archives of Sexual Behavior. Ever since the Kinsey Institute report this summer regarding relationship fulfillment, I have been curious about men's wishes.
While it appears that men and women have different desires, in fact many have similar wishes that simply become confused in translation.
One reason for this says Mark Gungor, in his Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage® seminars is that men and women have different brains. The male brain is compartmentalized, whereas women's brains are a mass of connected circuits that remember "everything!" Mark Gungor - Tale of Two Brains - YouTube
In the world of relationships, we know that women want love, commitment, and romance—but what do men really want? After reading through a manuscript from the Beltway Bachelor—and reminding him that no woman could live up to his 160 page ideal—I asked, "What do men really want?"
He replied, "Let me give it some thought."
That's when I decided to ask the toned young men along cobblestone lanes in one of Boston's most established neighborhoods. In a totally unscientific sample of 10 young men—their top choice was the same—although no one expressed it in words. They simply blushed and fumbled for the words.
"Okay, I got it. But I will put that under the category of sex."
Then I checked back with the over 40 Beltway Bachelor: "So is it true that the world's oldest profession has survived all these years because men have just one simple wish?"
After explaining my little survey he replied, "Of course. I think they gave you a simplistic answer to your simplistic question."
I countered with "Then why didn't you tell me?"
To which he responded, "You're the love columnist, I thought you knew."
What are men's 4 top wishes?
Sex: Young men like sex anywhere, anytime, planned, spontaneous, but often. One complained, "Sometimes my girlfriend is in the kitchen and she looks so sexy in a cute domestic way. So I go over to her and try to be romantic and she says, 'Not now, I'm cooking.' That's almost as bad as 'Not tonight, dear.'"
And yes, men appear to have an oral fixation that tops the sex list. And the best advice I can give is to refer you to Redbook: How to Please a Man
Honesty: Young men tell me that they hate being manipulated into a situation. "If my wife wants something, I want her to ask rather than play games."
One young barista said, "I hate when she says 'You can't go out with the guys because I already made plans for us.' Where was I when she made plans for me as well?"
Forgiveness: All the young men with whom I have interviewed through the years say that forgiveness is "huge" and grudges are wedges.
"We need you to forgive our few flaws and mistakes, stupid and otherwise," says the BB. "Please can you get rid of that mental ledger with indelible and detailed entries on the debit side? We can't even remember where we left our car keys much less some dumb remark we made two years ago about your pressing the outer limits of Spandex or to go with the vertical stripes."
Appreciation: Men really do want to be respected and appreciated. They seem to need a lot of stroking. Sexy notes. Praise works wonders—just be sure it's the truth.
(And along with the truth they added "Tell us what you want instead of nagging us. Nagging makes us feel unappreciated.")
The Beltway Bachelor says that taking a man's arm while walking is a meaningful expression of appreciation, more so than exotic creativeness in bed. He says that in the grand scheme, "It's more what women casually and naturally do that is important to us."
Dr. Scott Haltzman believes women should set a relationship tone
Dr. Scott Haltzman writes books aimed at empowering women and men to keep their relationships and marriages strong and loving.
In Secrets of Happily Married Women he said: "Your actions can show your husband how to care for you. As you cater to your guy, he's watching and learning what marriage means. He's enjoying the love and care of his wife and will soon feel, if he doesn't already, the desire to do the same for you." Dr.Scott.com
Can it be that satisfying men's desires is the secret to lasting relationships and lifelong love? At the very least, it can be a firm basis for a happy relationship balance.
Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
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