Who Sits Where in the Car?

It is said that there are three ways that couples ride together in a car:

• Working class: men in front and women in the back
• Middle class: each man with his woman
• Upper class: each man with the other man's woman

I was reminded of this observation a number of years ago while my wife and I were driving another couple home, because I realized that it didn't apply to us. How come?

The women were in front and the men were in the back.

This is not usually the case in the United States—when a heterosexual couple is together in a car, the man is more likely to drive than the woman.

Why were we different? One possibility is that my wife and the other couple are all anthropologists—and as a cross-cultural psychologist, I have a lot in common with their outlook. An anthropologist studies cultures around the world and tries to understand them not just as an outsider but more importantly from the perspective of a cultural insider. This is, of course, an impossible task to accomplish fully; but in order to make headway, one has to recognize and suspend one's own cultural assumptions. Doing so creates a kind of deliberate cultural alienation. Instead of just going with the American flow, one learns to habitually ask "Why should I?" and "Why shouldn't I?"

Why shouldn't women wear pants? They didn't for much of the 20th century, but now they do. Why shouldn't men wear skirts? This is still frowned on in the West; men adopting women's practices is generally more unacceptable than the reverse—though Scottish, Irish, and other Celtic kilts are a notable exception.

So, although some American men might feel their masculinity threatened by remaining a passenger while a woman drives, others—such as anthropologists or men with cross-cultural experience—might actually enjoy the process because it challenges a cultural norm. Or they might have become so used to taking cultural norms with a grain of salt that they don't even notice when they fail to conform in some minor way.

Check out my most recent book, The Myth of Race, which debunks common misconceptions, as well as my other books at Amazon.com. Friend/Like me on Facebook, Twitter, or visit my website at jeffersonfish.com.