No doubt about it. I liked my boyfriends a whole lot better than my girlfriends. In fact, now that I think about it, I can’t even remember having that many girlfriends. But no problem, the guys were great. There were so many swell things to do. You could throw rocks and climb trees, ride your bike really fast down the hill and maybe even (joy of joys) fall off and get a scar. Nothing major, just a slash down your cheek like one of those old saber wounds German counts used to sport. Wow! Then something really queer happened - Puberty.
How was it that so idyllic, so sensible a world could be turned on its head seemingly overnight? A few hormones more or less and Wow! There aint nothing like a dame.
This was not a conscious choice but more like no choice. And it certainly had nothing to do with morals and values, which I pretty much leave to priests and politicians. So I take no credit for being straight and fully agree that being bi would, as they say, make it much easier to get a date on a Saturday night.
Based on such personal experience, I’ve always tended to disregard those who say that gender preference is a choice. Why then would the ratio of Gays to Straights be pretty much constant regardless of time and place? Isn’t it always 10-15 percent of the population? And then, watching BookTV, I saw how I might find an answer. The guest was the award winning author Michael T. Luongo talking about his latest book Gay Travels in the Muslim World. He’s a fascinating - and seemingly fearless - free lancer who regularly ventures into some of the world’s most dangerous places. Listening to him, I reasoned that if being Gay is merely a choice (albeit one that can get you hanged in Afghanistan) then wouldn’t the percentage of Gays be significantly different in different countries? I was surprised that he answered my email from somewhere inside Iraq when, during his talk on C-SPAN, he mentioned that the security to venture just a single mile outside of Baghdad’s Green Zone was around $500. Assuming the price is right, I was glad to be on my side of the connection. Anyway, I asked him three quick questions designed to tap his multi-cultural perspective on Gay sex:
Does the degree of cultural acceptance determine the level of occurrence?
I don't believe acceptance determines occurrence because people might be gay but just not be out. At the same time, from a multi-cultural perspective, the West has in many ways defined what is considered gay. I believe that same sex attraction is biological and that it’s found in all societies in the world. It even exists in the animal kingdom! However, how sexual attraction is viewed and how it defines a person is culturally biased. After all, one can have a same sex attraction in the jungles of the Amazon and it would be biological. But if you never heard of Judy Garland, could you call yourself gay as Westerners might define it? A rule of thumb I’ve discovered is that, despite what you find in the West, behavior is not identity in all parts of the world.
Do you think gender preference in Gays - or Straights for that matter - is a choice?
No, I don't think it's a choice at all…and even the word preference is somewhat loaded. It's not the same as preferring chocolate over vanilla. I think when you hear the word “preference” or when people say that things are a “choice” they really mean that you can and/or should hide something. And while I think that surface-wise you can hide your sexual orientation, you're really wired to be a certain way. You can't choose your orientation but you can choose to hide it…you can be in the closet or you can use some other sort of protective measures. Sometimes when people are homophobic and they mention "choice" what they really are saying to gay people is that they should choose to hide their orientation. Of course, in certain cultures where the term "gay" itself is an import, this becomes a cloudy issue. Certainly people are wired a certain way and the cultural interpretation of that is what can make for confusion if people don't have the necessary terminology to understand what they are.
Are societies that are uneasy with Gay sex usually uneasy with sex in general?
This is a fascinating question. I would argue yes…that would appear to be the case. However, in a "The lady doth protest too much" kind of way, it seems cultures that obsess about gay sex are usually quite homophobic as well. This is apparent in African cultures in discussions related to the breakup of the Anglican/Episcopal church and other issues such as arguments that homosexuality is related to colonialism; certain Muslim and Middle Eastern cultures; and even in our own American culture among certain conservative elements and in the U.S. military.
It would seem that Michael’s responses raise a number of additional questions. For example, it never occurred to me that what is or isn’t Gay may be a matter of cultural interpretation and that the West has, to a great extent, provided what’s now become the standard definition. I also thought that his comment about - one’s “Behavior” not being the same as one’s “Identity” in other parts of the world - was most insightful. And too, it was interesting that a word like “Choice” might be taken to suggest “Hide” or that, lacking the necessary terminology, individuals might well be confused when it comes to understanding what they are. Perhaps a follow up column is in order? If so, what questions would you like to ask?
(Note: You can find the Michael T. Luongo web site at www.michaelluongo.com)
