I think alot of people who live with their parents in their 20's aren't refusing to leave the nest... its an economic necessity they put up with. As a recent college graduate, I am one of the lucky few among my friends that actually has a job. We want to leave home, but we also don't want to be on the street. And don't forget the parents that need the financial support of their kids living at home as well, it goes both ways. People in many cultures live in multigenerational homes. Would you say that a Japanese or Indian person who lives with their parents is emotionally stunted or babied?

If I could move out and not worry about my living conditions and what I am going to eat etc. I would not live in my parents house. The cost of living is not proportionate to the amount of money I make, and it is not easy to just start making more money. A month of rent in my area would take up my entire income for that month, and then some, and that is at the lowest available price. It's not that I do not want to move out of my parents house, in fact it is my #1 objective right now, I just don't see it as a realistic option.

You make two very good points.

1) Our society has indeed evolved in a way that makes it almost impossible for youngster to be independent. However, acknowledging the status quo doesn't address the damage it does.

2) As for other cultures - you mentioned India and Japan - there are many benefits to several generations living under one roof. However such a lifestyle must develop over centuries with many interlocking parts that take a long time to duplicate or even to appreciate. Hanging around the house has never been the American way. It's not part of our culture.

Just as I don't have a solution for global warming, I can see where it's a problem. In the same way, I don't have a solution for a thirty-year-old living in the basement. But that doesn't make it any less of a problem.

Steve

I think one the major reasons so many people my age and younger are still living at home is the immense amount of debt they build up going to college and graduate school, which can take years to pay off and often draws money away from savings for an apartment or a house. There is simply no justification for colleges and universities charging tuition and fees in excess of $40,000 a year for bachelor's degrees, especially when so much of what is taught in the liberal arts is either dumbed down or ideologically biased. And many professions are now requiring master's degrees, and those aren't cheap either.

For years administrators in higher education simply charged as much tuition as they could get away with. And the American people did not question it and were content to assume that everyone needs to go to college to be successful, and that everyone is college material.

I didn't move out until I was 31, but I can't complain, because I have a job in my field. Some of my peers aren't so fortunate.

The above posters got it dead on.

I'm in uni right now, aside from being one of the biggest scams in history, it's such a hassle. Both me and my parents would love to see me more independent, but if I were on my own I probably would not be able to afford uni, or do well since I'd have to be working two jobs just to cover the basics. Not to mention the years of debt I am going to be in if things continue like this.

It all comes down to money.

There is no reason why so many people should be paying so much to be in college. Trade and technical people should be working in apprenticeships, administrator and executive types should be taking the occasional, specific course that's geared to their speciality and only the 10 or 15 percent that actually need to be trained in higher math and science should be in a university full time.

Line up ten people and try to figure out who has a degree and who doesn't. Who has worked in the field, who took a course or two and who has spent ten years on a Doctorate. If you can't do that - and mostly you can't - then the folly of spending big bucks on yet another seminar reading Beowulf becomes apparent.

I've been on both sides and nothing distresses me more than seeing young people who shouldn't be in a classroom, who don't want to be in a classroom and who can't afford to be in a classroom...in a classroom. It's truly a sin.

Steve

I am 35 years old and still live "at home". I don't pay rent, or buy food, or pay the utilities. I bought my house four years ago, and two years ago my mom and her husband asked if they could move in with me. The deal was that they could, providing they paid me the same amount I was getting from roommates, since I didn't want to lose that money.

So I suppose one can look at me and say I still live "at home", and I suppose I do, but it was my house to start with!

The economics of it are definitely to my advantage...and it's nice coming home from work and my mom has cleaned my room and done my laundry and dinner is ready, but there are definite drawbacks too, like my life is no longer my own.

There are definitely trade-offs, and every now and then I think about finding myself a small apartment that I can run away to when needed. For now, when I need that "me space", I go sleep at work.

I'm 21 and do not live with my parents. However, my dad does still pay all of my expenses, as I am attending college and plan on going to grad school (the bill for which I will be footing on my own) after graduating next year. We agreed that I needed my own space and he figured he'd be paying my room and board if I'd gone to school out of state anyway. I know a lot of my peers are not so lucky, and I appreciate everything my dad does. However, I do feel mostly independent due to the way we have set things up- my dad transfers a certain amount of money to my bank account every month and it's up to me to budget accordingly. This setup has been wonderful in that it has allowed me to learn how to manage money, deal with situations I wouldn't have had exposure to living at home, and at least go through the motions of caring for myself as an independent adult. He pays pretty much for everything else in addition to what he gives me. I strongly dislike not paying for my own things but, as a broke college student, I've learned to accept it. You might notice that I've said nothing of a job and it's true that I don't have one. I'd rather focus solely on school and get good grades. I have managed to snag an internship, which I would not have had time for if I had a job in addition to school, and my dad seems to be pretty happy about it. One day, I'll get through school, get a real job, and be able to support myself. This is my ultimate goal.
There are some people who live at home simply because they are allowed to, even though they have a good job or good opportunities, etc, and really don't need to live at home. I think those people have some things to sort out- I agree with what my dad told me once, that he doesn't mind paying for everything while I'm in school but if I decide to drop out of school, it's time for me to get a full-time job and pay for myself. It just makes sense. A lot of young people going to school really need all the help they can get, though, and if they have to live at home or rely on parents to pay expenses, that's just the way it is. If tuition wasn't outrageous (and then mostly used to pay the outrageous incomes of the deans and presidents of the school), fewer people (probably) would be living at home while going to school.

It's tough on everyone involved when adult children move home or stay at home -- the adult kids, the parents, any younger kids living at home, and especially step-parents, if there are any. It's becoming a more and more common problem, and communication and planning are the most important ways to keep the situation livable for everyone. There are some great perspectives in this thread -- there are more interesting stories and suggestions in the blog at www.adulthildrenlivingathome.com/blog.

She is 28 and was fired from her job 15 months ago. She wants to remain in her field, but alas, no offers are forthcoming after all this time.

The only other place she has to go is to live with her 82 year old grandmother and my husband is afraid the stress would kill her.

She has become verbally and physically abusive to me, her mom.

We are retired and live on a limited income. Is there a way out of this mess.

Desperate

As one can clearly see - from reading all the previous posts - the current economy has taken a bad situation and made it worse...much worse. Where the young adult living at home was often an unhappy necessity due to high college costs, people who are no longer in school but simply out of a job are now also being forced to consider moving back with their parents and grandparents. In a way, this is even more of a problem because - with those out of work - there's no clear end in sight. That tempers might flare during such periods is not unusual...quite the opposite, in fact.

There are all sorts of "experts" who are more than willing to give advice but what can anyone say? Few individuals really want to remain in their childhood home but getting out involves more than a well-conceived plan and plenty of persistence. It involves a good bit of luck as well. And since there's no dependable way of influencing the laws of chance....

Perhaps simply knowing that you're not alone, that many people are stuck in exactly the same situation, will offer some comfort...along with the hope of a rapid, nationwide economic recovery.