Living the Questions

Finding peace in uncertain times.

Stop Trying to Solve Your Relationship Problems

Do you and your partner go round and round about the same issue? Do you feel as if your partner is not even trying? Have you tried to solve a problem and it only got worse? You're not alone! Here are 5 signs that say it's time to "quit." Read More

Putting some problems in the box won't make you feel better

Here are some common marital problems that won't be made better by "putting them in a box" to talk about later:

1. Money problems. If one is running up debt and hazarding the family finances, action must be taken immediately. You cannot "quit" on this one or else your family could be sunk. The long term consequences from financial irresponsibility are severe - including the future inability to help pay for a child's college or to retire at a decent age to enjoy life.

2. Having a child. If one wants one and the other doesn't, I don't think of that as a "problem" - I think of that as a preference and one that is likely to not change - especially if this is a serial marriage and one party already has children from a first marriage. This is one marriage goal that probably needed to be vetted well before one married this person. Trying to change their mind afterwards is not a good idea.

3. Lack of long term marital intimacy.

I think your problem box can work for less serious issues though -ones I call routine marital stuff - like trying to decide what color carpet to get or perhaps about obtaining a pet.

#3

Yep #3: After failed marriage counseling (my wife walked out) and trying, trying, trying to get her to be intimate again (and I'm not just talking about sex here), I've given up. Divorce is imminent. I see no other way out. The current state of our relationship in no way resembles why I married her.

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Dr. Barbara Markway, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with over twenty years of experience. She is the author of four popular psychology books and has been featured in media nationwide.

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