Marital Privilege: It's Not Just a Courtroom Thing

"White privilege" and "male privilege" are controversial notions. I don't think they should be. It seems self-evident that there are significant ways in which white people and men enjoy advantages they have not earned just because they are white or male. The growing awareness of white privilege and male privilege has opened our eyes to other kinds of privileges, such as those that come with being young instead of old, able-bodied instead of disabled, wealthy instead of poor, and heterosexual instead of gay or lesbian or transsexual or asexual. Yet amidst all this consciousness-raising, most people have remained oblivious to the unearned privileges that advantage at least half of the adult population – people who are married.

I hope all that is about to change. The front page of Truthout recently featured an article I wrote with Rachel Buddeberg, "Do you, married person, take these unearned privileges, for better and for better?" It is a lengthy piece, in which we begin by discussing many examples of discrimination against single people, and then, in the second half, complement our discussion of singlism with a consideration of marital privilege.

Here are just a few excerpts from the article, highlighting some of the points we made about marital privilege:

• "Marital privilege means that married status is valued and glorified, whereas single status is portrayed as that which must be escaped."
• "Marital privilege is a place of respect. Married people are regarded as mature and fully adult; single people are seen as immature and child-like."
• "Marital privilege is emotional privilege. Other people express happiness for people who marry but pity for those who stay single."
• "Marital privilege is about entitlement. People who marry expect shower gifts, wedding gifts and attendance at their weddings."
  • "Marital privilege means that married people's experiences are normalized while single people's are problematized. 'Why is a person as nice/successful/intelligent as you still single?' is an unremarkable conversational gambit, whereas the analogous why-are-you-still-married would be considered unthinkable - and unthinkably rude."
  • "Pandering is part of the package, too. Political candidates vow to fight for "working families," though 2-year-olds make for rather inadequate employees."
  • "In institutions of higher education, marriage has a special and uncontested place."
  • "Single people have been mostly missing from the ongoing cultural conversations about balancing personal life and work life."
  • "In everyday life, as in the law, the friends, relatives, neighbors, mentors and other people who might be significant to single people are typically treated as nonexistent or of no consequence."

Scholars and cultural critics have been talking about privilege for a long time, but interest accelerated when Peggy McIntosh, in the 1980s, compiled a list of ways in which white people are privileged. In case you have never seen any iteration of the list, here are a few examples of the many items:

1. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely and positively represented.
2. I can be reasonably sure that if I ask to talk to "the person in charge," I will be facing a person of my race.
3. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.
4. I can easily find academic courses and institutions that give attention only to people of my race.
5. I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.

In time for Valentine's Day, Rachel and I hope to compile our own similar list of marital privileges. Want to suggest any items? Take a look at the Truthout article to see what kinds of things we already have in mind, then tell us what else we need to add.

[Notes. (1) Apologies for posting similar articles across my various blogs. This is one of those times when I want to spread the word in as many venues as possible. (2) Special thanks to Christina Campbell and Lisa Arnold. (3) Image is from Google Images, available for reuse.]