Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

No Kids, No Life? Or, Really Great Life?

No study, no matter how great, can tell you how to live

I like to write empowering, research-based articles on living single, including living single with no kids. Despite the pervasive and persistent stereotyping and stigmatizing that I call singlism, this is actually–historically speaking–a reasonably good time to be single and/or to have no kids.

Do you know what I think is even better than getting to live single or with no kids? Getting to choose the life you want. We do not have total say in these matters, of course–some aspects of our lives are out of our control, or over-determined by the structural and institutional underpinnings of our society. Nonetheless, I do think it is more possible today than ever before to choose how we want to live, and that includes choices of staying single and not having kids.

About that question I posed in the title of this post," No Kids, No Life? Or, Really Great Life?"– there is no one right answer. It depends on what you want from your life.

Below are links to what I have already written about the topic of not having kids (beyond what I already said in Singled Out). At my personal blog on my website, you can find these links under "Adults with no kids: Naming, shaming, and talking back to the shaming." I'll continue to update that collection with any additional writings.

Childless, Childfree, Something Else? How to Refer to Adults with No Kids

Who are the adults without children and what's the right word for them?

Adults with No Kids: Stereotyping and Stigmatizing

Singlism's cousin: Stereotyping, stigmatizing and ignoring adults with no children

Section on Singlism's Cousin in Singlism book

Best story I've ever read about singlism in the workplace

Family in the Lives of Adults with No Kids

Family in the lives of adults without children: 3 creative ways of thinking

Are aunts and uncles the forgotten kin?

Part 1: Does it matter if you are single with no kids?

Single, no kids, Part 2: Family-relevant strengths

Family talk and the dissing of friends and community: Part 3 of single with no kids

Vulnerabilities of singles with no children: Part 4

Missing from Our Conversations and Our Activism: Adults with No Kids

Did second-wave feminism neglect the single woman?

Shriver's 'Woman's Nation' is actually a wife and mother's nation: The evidence

More Kids, Please! Attempts to Get There by Shaming and Stigmatizing

How two white men are coaxing American women to have kids

Do it my way: Women telling women how to live

Talking Back to Those Who Try to Shame and Stigmatize Adults with No Kids

Defensive about not having children? Philosopher says we have it all wrong

Do fewer babies create happier humans and better societies?

Compelling life stories don't need conventional events

Are mothers better than everyone else?

Why are so many smart women so clueless about single life?

'Having it all'? 4 reasons why I'm having none of it

Note:

The collection of writings on adults with no kids is just one of many topical collections that I am maintaining at the "All things single (and more)" blog on my website. You can find them all under the heading "Everything you think you know about the benefits of marrying is wrong: The evidence." Below are all of the topics for which I have collected my relevant writings so far. If there is some other collection/topic you would like to see, just let me know.

Myths about the Benefits of Marrying

On getting married and (not) getting happier: What we know

Getting married and (not) getting healthy: What decades of research really shows

Debunking the myth that married people live longer

The Myth of the Isolated and Self-Centered Single Person: Who Really Is More Connected and More Likely to Provide Care?

Single parents and their children: Don’t believe the prophesies of doom

Adults with no kids: Naming, shaming, and talking back to the shaming

Getting married and (not) getting sex

Getting married and getting more money

Other Topics

Single at heart: What do we know about it?

Single men are too often marginalized, but not – I hope – by me

The new science of living alone: Here’s a lot of what we know

What’s great about solitude: Here’s what we know

What do we know about the experiences of singles around the world?

Singles in the military and foreign service: Voices and perspectives

Is it fair for businesses to charge singles more? Examples from many sectors

Friendship in single life and in all of our lives

Here’s what I know about lying and detecting lies (Obviously, this last one is not about single life)

Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UCSB.

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