Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

The End of Marriage

The number of people who are not married has been increasing for decades. But even if those increases slow or reverse, marriage is dead. We have seen the future and all of its possibilities, and marriage can never drag us back. Read More

how my husband came back to love me

I have been in great bondage for almost 6 months suffering in the hands of a cheating husband,we were happy and leaving well until he meant his old time gilr friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stopped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that now he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Dr Saibaba i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the third day they both had a quarrel with his girlfriend and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl all appreciation goes to Dr Saibaba for you are a great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife you can as well email him on templesaibaba@yahoo.com

Bella or Editor --- please

Bella or Editor --- please delete these spell caster spams.

Agree; Psychology Today needs monitor-alert buttons

I see these so-called replies littering a few of the blogs. I assume that there is no general oversight here, but wonder: Do bloggers not read their comments? Why are these left standing? And on a site like PT, does anyone actually click on spell-caster links?

Advice to spell-casters:

You would benefit from knowing your audience.

The End of Marriage

I agree. As a widower, even with a good marriage behind me, marriage is not attractive. I love my freedom and have no intention of compromising my lifestyle. Being a well-educated woman, I can take care of myself financially. Additionally, I do not subscribe to the subservient position in which marriage places women. Nor do I subscribe to misogynistic religious beliefs of the same subset. As for examples of happy marriages, I have yet to find a long term one that passes scrutiny up close and personal.

For anyone that wants marriage, I fully support their decision.

I like Widow Anonymous's

I like Widow Anonymous's comment that she hasn't yet been able to find a long term marriage that is honestly happy. I have noticed the same thing. Such examples must be very very rare if they do exist. People who advocate marriage pretend that that isn't happening. At the moment they still have mainstream on their side, which helps maintain the illusion, but I feel it is losing its grip and look forward to seeing what happens next. Getting rid of the social need for marriage was a great step.

It's a little early...

to be putting nails in the coffin for marriage. Glenn

Are you daft?

When this society destroying government of criminals, counterfeiters, crooks, liars, thugs and lawyers (-same thing) final succumbs to long denied reality, we'll be hunting women for food and for sport.

What??????

I'm trying to figure out what Bella is saying here, but she doesn't seem to know herself! Something like:

"Marriage is dead. Totally dead. It's history. Except that millions of people still get married, so it obviously isn't dead. But even though it isn't dead, it's still dead because it doesn't mean what it used to mean, except to the millions of people who still believe it does. But they don't count, because marriage is still dead, even though it isn't.

Because I said so."

I think the point is

that marriage as we knew it is dead, and it can evolve in a new context, but it's no longer the be-all, end-all it once was. It's something people can choose and define on their own, not the mold we once all had to stuff ourselves into.
I think that traditional marriage started to gasp its last when corporate America was so dominant in the 80s and people got moved all over the country at the whim of their employers. Suddenly the military family wasn't an exception any more, everyone was shuffled about and people had very little choice over where they lived. I got married in my early 20s and almost immediately we had our first major conflict when my husband was offered a job on the east coast and I didn't want to go. I did end up spending 3 unhappy years in the south/midwest before my sister gave me her car and I went back to the northwest with nothing but a single suitcase. Within the context of that marriage, I wasn't free to establish my own career or make friends or become part of a community because at any moment, Corporate could uproot us. My attitude has always been that opportunity is only real if it's good for you, and there's nothing wrong with rejecting an "opportunity" that takes you in a direction you don't want to go.
I always thought it ironic that the very conservatives who spouted traditional values and stable families were the ones fostering the corporate structure that tore all that apart.

You should file for a divorce

You should file for a divorce then, clearly marriage is not suitable for you.

Just Need to See with a Different Vision

What probably the author is trying to say that marriages, which are believed to be long lasting since times immemorial, are not getting over through divorces, the number of which is on the rise drastically. Although this is true, we still have the power to reverse the situation, if the couples make an unflinching decision for the same. Here is a foolproof way to gain knowledge on the same, which I am following to save my own marriage from conflicts:

http://www.dadabhagwan.org/scientific-solutions/relationship/live-a-happ...

My point exactly

This is exactly my point. Marriage from the male point of view is very different. And, men would say and do anything to keep the status quo. Religion is always at the foundation. One of the examples read, "If your wife drops a stack of plates ... would you be upset ..." He goes on further to state, "Being religious means, you are at peace within and regardless of your situation in life you do not have any stress, whether it be internal or external." Proving the point that misogynistic religious values cast women in miserable subservient roles. The author states that one must 'accept their duty and role in life ..." He feels the 'duty and role' of women is to serve men. This is a great example of why marriage has lost its appeal for many women.

Succinctly, he is saying, "Women should eat this propaganda politely and say thank you." Well, for me, "No, thank you."

You're right — marriage is changing

Bella, you are right — fewer will marry (although marriage rates will likely go up a bit as more same-sex couples seek to tie the knot) and marriage will never be what it was again. That's good! When marriage was a duty, there were no other options. Now that we have options, fewer may chose to marry. Still, the idea of marriage is so ingrained in our society and thus internalized as "just something you do," it will take a long time for people to consider other ways of living. What your fellow PT blogger Susan Pease Gadoua and I propose in our book "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels" (Seal Press, September 2014; http://thenewidobook.com/) is various marital models that take into account the way people today live, and how and why they marry. Until society no longer offers benefits to people based on who and how they love, marriage is still the best protection for couples, especially if they want to have kids.
We just don't have enough support in place for people who want to live outside the marital box. I imagine that will happen — one day. But it's not going to happen soon.

marriage is changing

I think her point is that marriage is changing. basically, it may never be the same again like it was in the 1950s. in my experience with romance, I have had women reject me because of medical issues so I have given up on romance. it's not worth it. conversely, i have found that in terms of my personality, I am introverted and I like living alone. that does not mean I don't go out and do things. I go out a lot actually. romance is just a boundary that I will not pursue. since we live in a culture where being single is a normality compared to when the baby boomers where in their 20s and 40s, it's not a big deal. everyone I know cannot understand this and they think I am weird and there is something wrong with me. but because of cultural trends, I am not convinced there is.

To Anonymous, Marriage is changing

People give up on marriage for a wide variety of reasons. Yours is no different. However, it sounds like you would be open to a romantic relationship if a suitable prospect was accepting. If you want to pursue a romantic relationship, join a group of similar people. Ask your physician for support groups for people with your diagnosis. You might be surprised!

Please read history

This changing of definition of marriage isn't a new phenomenon. I had happen plenty of times in the past. The Ancient Romans for example has a rather strict marriage rules in the beginning of the rule. But near the end of the rule many men prefers lovers, whores and sluts that getting married. Women also prefers to be lovers instead of wives and mothers.

Yes, marriage might be dying, but never ever believe that it would not be born again from the ashes. It has, and it will.

Agree with Dr. DePaulo, things are changing :)

Society seems to evolve out of the bad old cruft at a painfully slow pace - look at how much slavery can still be found in the world - but on the bright side, humanity has come a long way.

I think it will take a long time before the institution of marriage goes the way of conscription and segregation, but the trend is good. Let's hope that a century from now, people will look back at the matrimania of the mid 20th century and just shake their heads.

I wonder if urban civilization is a key here

Someone pointed out elsewhere that urbanization seems to fundamentally change societies of all kinds. Suddenly, children are not cheap farmhands, the more the better, but expensive burdens.

I wonder if urbanization also makes marriage a much less attractive proposition all around. For men, it used to be that a wife slaving away in the house was an invaluable economic asset -- how else was a myriad of household tasks going to get done, if you're the guy grunting a plow around a quarter mile away? Women didn't have much choice in the matter and one could say, at least they got the raw materials from the fields.

But with the rise of urban societies, individuals can specialize and as Adam Smith pointed out, specialization tends to lead to vastly improved productivity. An urban man doesn't need a wife to can jam or launder his clothes - the local supermarket and laundromat will do it faster and better. A woman doesn't need a husband to dump wheat and killed game outside the kitchen - she can saunter on down to the supermarket too. Both can seek out their niche to specialize in, and purchase the services they aren't expert in as needed.

In isolated farmsteads one could say marriage was an enabler for social / romantic / sexual needs too, but here again, urban life offers better options.

So as societies become urbanized (inevitable with mechanization of agriculture) I think marriage is becoming a solution to a problem that no longer exists. Since the hassles of marriage remain intact, I reckon it's inevitable that it will continue its downward trajectory. Ultimately everyone will be happier, so it's a trend we can be happy about.

Meaning Of Marriage Has

Meaning Of Marriage Has Changed..!!!
Urbanization has changed the real Meaning of it.

Women committed treason

Women committed treason against the nuclear family by denigrating men and committing adultery against him, with the State. When the sovereign debt crisis hits big time, and government fails to fulfill its obligations and defaults, lays off masses of paper-shuffling bureaucrats as history forecasts, working in coddled jobs in air-conditioned offices, the majority of which are women, then women will return to men for marriage and commitment, with their tails between their legs, putting on another act. But this time us Men On Stike, and Men Going Their Own Way, will not be taking them back, as we've already adapted, moved on, and learned not to love these flakey Machiavellians.

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Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UCSB.

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