Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

More Than Sex: 11 Meaningful Facts About Single People

A recent survey of single people asked mostly about dating, sex, and online profiles. The real lives of single people are about much more than that. Here are 11 meaningful facts about single people. Read More

So true

I have a friend who proclaimed herself militantly single, yet she couldn't take a vacation without a fake-couple date. Eventually the guy met someone else and she found herself really single and couldn't hack it. She got married and is a stepmother to two middle-school-aged kids.
This woman is the one who got me into all the volunteer work I do, she used to be a community service powerhouse. Then, abruptly, she went into insular nuclearity and hasn't been heard from since.
Well, I'm single and really mean it, and I volunteer and I look after special-needs animals and elderly friends, and I check in with my elderly parents when I'm galivanting around Canada on bike tours alone.
I clicked on the link to the "cruelest singlist statement," and it's not just singlist, it's narrow-minded and ignorant. Dr. DeP gave him a well-deserved smackdown.

Single Men

Myths about singles should be referred to as Urban Legends. For example, I recently read an article about a single man who willed his estate to two actors (one played Dr. Scott Grainger on The Young & the Restless) he never met, leaving them an estimated half a million dollars each. The only other bequest ($5,000) he left was to the Anti-Cruelty Society, an animal organization in Chicago.

Donald Behle, the estate attorney, said the decedent “was a loner, and a lot of neighbors didn't know who he was. His house was an absolute filthy mess. We wore masks when we were in there. He loved animals.”

I was struck by the comments, several of which were saturated in singlism, that followed the article. No one mentioned that maybe he was happy and chose the life he lived. Also, single people didn’t corner the market with absolute filthy houses. Marrieds’ homes are always immaculate.

This is a job for Eric . . . Eric Klinenberg, author of Going Solo. I bet a little detective work (check credit card and bank statements, etc.) would uncover that he lived life to the fullest and not held up in his house for days on end feeling lonely and sad that he was single.

Here are a few of the 2,000 plus comments that followed the article.

They [two actors] obviously brought some joy into his lonely life.

It's sad that his "friends" were actors he had never met, but not really that different from all the people with 2,000 "friends" on FaceBook that they really don't know.

The man obviously had a reason for doing it, and i respect that. Least he had a will drawn up and the government won't get 100% of it...

This article is a memoir to loneliness. A friendship with television actors demands compassion and gentleness, as the only point of contact in a day with any other human ideas. It's very sad. And he's not the only one. Many, many people live in deep loneliness. We should use this man's story to identify resources in the community, where those desperately lonely people could start to find companionship.

Sound like an empathetic yet lonely kind of guy. No harm but a little sad. Glad he was able to do a little bit of good upon his passing and not be a terror like some others like that angry geezer in Alabama that kidnapped the little boy.

What walls were built in this man's heart, by unknown pain, that people around him were just not allowed in. Very sad indeed.

A life of quiet desperation. How sad.

You can leave your money to anyone you choose. I have no siblings or children. My cousins don't even so much as make a phone call or send a card. I will be leaving my estate to my housekeeper and other friends who care about me. Screw the family and the religious organizations.

Here’s the link to the article.

Politicians and contempt for single women

Robert Ehrlich, former Republican governor of Maryland, wrote this about single women this morning:

•Single women: another tough one. Single women with children and limited economic opportunities are logically drawn to the party of government; many are reliant on that government for their sustenance. This group is not terribly attracted to notions of individualism, entrepreneurship or the Second Amendment. Many just want to figure out how to pay the bills. So tell them we will help pay the bills, but that steps toward self-reliance are expected as well. And (putting aside the issue of abortion) we have no interest in limiting their access to contraceptive options, Democratic Party messaging notwithstanding. A further point: A renewed focus on fatherhood and male role models within single (female) households with kids is long overdue.

The genius/productivity levels of singles is surely higher, I think

I would really like to see more research on what sort of lives people are leading when they do their best work. I'm aware of one study about male scientists (their best work comes when they are not married).

I'd wager $100 that for both men and women of note, they do their best work, and make the breakthroughs that advance civilization, when they are flying solo. It would be odd if this were not so, actually.

The Spartans and no doubt

The Spartans and no doubt many other ancient people would ostracise and ridicule singles after they reached a certain age. They needed children to defend their way of life.

It's very very nice to hear nice things about young people for a change. All you tend to hear these days is how bad they are.

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Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UCSB.


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