Living Single

Even though I don't think Marriage 2.0 is much more than notarized living together, the out-of-wedlock birth rate for women with college degrees is less than 10%, compared to ~40% for the US population as a whole; for the non-teenagers, many if not most of this 40% could be and probably are cohabiting (at least at conception) rather than going it alone.

But women who've gone to college insist on being married before having kids. That's your hardcore pro-marriage demographic. I don't think their motivation comes from any direct federal benefits, but rather because marriage costs them nothing while it formalizes the obligations and duties of the man. That's where the main tranfer of $$'s happens.

There was a relevant cartoon in the New Yorker probably a dozen years ago. Think of a swanky bar. The handsome man is leaning over and telling the bombshell woman next to him at the bar "...I'm not talking about a permanent commitment, I'm talking about marriage...".

So Gallagher is just blowing smoke about marriage being something permanent. We have the Kim Kardashians of the world to remind us otherwise. You can get out of a marriage easier than you can a long-term cell phone contract.

Net: one would not expect to see much difference between the married and the shacker-uppers once the class/education levels are corrected for.

People need to wake up and realize that Ms. Gallagher and her ilk don't care about you or your health. Their only concern is promoting a worldview designed to turn back the clock to an America that frankly never was.

Groups like the National Organization for Marriage are paranoid and frightened beyond belief that we're about to enter an era in which more than 50% of adults are not married. That is why they are so vociferous and fervent in their message. I picture the next 20 years, albeit on a much less violent and dramatic scale, as the last days of segregation in the south. The social conservatives are losing and will attempt to pull out all stops to save their way of life.

The sad thing is that these people have the freedom to live their lives the way they want, and yet find themselves compelled to speak out against others who want to do the same.

Marriage is withering on the vine, and when matrimania dies I will not be among those attending its' funeral.

Let's say you get married. You have a big wedding and invite 500 people that are your closest friends and family. Everyone buys you a gift and congratulates you on your nuptials. In those cards, letters and verbal comments people say to you, "Now you are married you'll be able to experience true happiness" or "Your marriage is a joyful occasion". A week later you visit the National Organization for Marriage headquarters where they are doing a study. You are asked several times several different ways whether you are happy. Since people have told you that you should be happy because the act of having a wedding and signing a marriage certificate should make you happy, are you more likely to tell the survey-taker that you are happy? I would suspect so.

Then again, let's say you didn't get married and you are just busy living your life thinking about normal things like your bills, job, debt and future plans. You are asked to visit the NOM headquarters and answer the same questions about happiness. Instead of thinking about what people have told you about your happiness you are unfettered to answer the question honestly. You might say you are happy, you might not.

The same could be said about depression.

Let's talk about health. Let's say you are married and every day your spouse tells you that your are fit and beautiful, because it is expect of your spouse to do that, he/she certainly isn't going to tell you that you are fat, and sitting on the sofa all day is bad for you health because your spouse is sitting right there next to you. Again, you go to the NOM headquarters and they asked you whether you thought you were healthy, you say sure because you don't feel that bad and your spouse is telling your that you aren't fat and eating a crap diet.

Did this survey ask people how many times they've been to the doctor in the last two years? Did they ask how many afflictions each person had? How many prescription pills each participant was taking? Did they put everyone on a scale? Ask whether they smoked? Drank? Drugged?

I just don't believe married people are happier or healthier than single people. Viewing an outward appearance, they don't look happier and healthier, married people look downright sickly.

But we see that Dr. DePaulo is also honing in on a more easily quantifiable aspect, time spent with family, friends and the spouse. Self-reported survey might be more truthful here, because the survey taker can ask how many hours per week each participant spends with family, friends and each other. Those results are more believable.

As far as I'm concerned, that phrase says it all...all the perks, none of the obligations. A man can cheat and walk out whenever he wants with no legal obligation to the woman who's raising his kids. Why would any woman in her right mind want anything like that? If people want to live together without kids that's one matter. When kids come on the scene, a woman, no matter what her education and earning power, is vulnerable once children are born. Also, I realize that men would legally need to support their children, but what about a financial obligation for the woman he lived with who bore his kids, and made a home for him and his offspring? Sounds like a one-sided deal to me. No thanks, I'm good enough for a formal commitment. If, and until them, I'm happy the way I am.

Marriage is a legal contract that provides each party with certain rights and obligations as well as providing 1100+ benefits not given to single people. It's always funny to me that these legal contracts are celebrated with $30 thousand dollar parties that take a year to plan.

Every day that I read this blog makes me happier and happier to be single! I love knowing that there are others out there who have the same ideas about marriage and singledom that I do. For a long time, I thought I was the only one!!!

I'm glad the study broke down the data the way they did, otherwise the truth gets lots in poor categorization.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm biased to see the future of such things in Northern Europe, because of my own observations and the data. The dynamic there -- no marriage, fairness toward both genders and incredible community attention to children -- seems to work extremely well. It's encouraging to think that in the U.S. we're moving that direction. Everyone will be healthier and happier if we do (and if U.S. children could do as well as Scandinavian kids on academic testing, health measures and physical fitness, the U.S. would be unstoppable as a competitive country, FWIW)

"If the marriage advocates cared about the health of all people, and not just married people, they would advocate for greater and more affordable access to good health care for all. Same for the politicians." Excellent, Dr. Depaulo, just excellent. You are 'right on the money' in making this statement.

For example in real life:
I was reported in the New York Times/March 28, 1999
White Plains -- When Frederick P. Lenz III swallowed 150 tablets of Valium and stepped off a dock into the bay behind his Long Island home last year, he left behind a collection of mansions, private jets and luxury cars valued at $18 million, and a will that practically invited a lawsuit. By the time he died, in an apparent suicide pact with a female devotee (who survived) last April 13, Mr. Lenz, 48, had not formed a foundation. The will says his entire estate should go to a foundation to promote his ideas, unless he had failed to take "significant steps" to establish the foundation before his death. In that case, all his money was to go to the National Audubon Society.

“In an earlier post, I described the results of this same study showing that the people who got partnered (by cohabiting or getting married) spent less time with their friends and had less contact with their parents than did the people who stayed single. The results I just reviewed in this post suggest that it is the transition to marriage that matters most. Those who cohabit and then marry spend even less time with friends than those who are cohabiting.” Excellent and, so very true, Dr. DePaulo. Here is another real life example of the marriage “crunch time” from my files:
Texas (2005) A medical doctor, wife, mother of seven, horse rancher and breeder, Dr. Elizabeth Rohr had a career many would envy. One dedicated patient, Ms. Wail said, “I’ve tried to put myself in her shoes. She has a lot on her plate. She is fighting for her kids and fighting for her life. You may neglect a few things. My heart breaks for her.“ Ms. Wall said Dr. Rohr rarely spoke of her problems and treated her medical practice seriously. Ft. Worth lawyer Grace Forderhase, Dr. Rohr’s original divorce attorney said her former client had boundless energy and it seems she always took on a lot. She had a big career, a huge family. I am just grieved about what’s happened to her.” . She's been called unbalanced and dangerous -- and accused of hoarding and endangering animals and even threatening her own children's lives. In June, 2005, Denton County judge David Garcia called her a "Dr. Jekyll, Miss Hyde" as he sentenced her to jail for animal cruelty. He lauded her reputation as a doctor but said she failed miserably as a horse person entrusted in the care of animals. “
I am now and elderberry NOT seeking a boysenberry to marry!
Barefootin’ in rural Arkansas drinking spring water
“A ship ought not to be held by a single anchor, nor life by a single hope.” Epictetus
It was Plato who once said: “We are trying our whole lives long to find that other half of ourselves.” And that’s okay, if you know where to look!

Continued……….Texas (2005) A medical doctor, wife, mother of seven, horse rancher and breeder, Dr. Elizabeth Rohr had a career many would envy. Her husband told the Dallas Morning News the following” Elizabeth was always a little bohemian. So it was like opposites attract. Even then, I tried to keep her grounded. I tried to keep her focused on becoming a doctor. She’d stop sometimes and say, I really want to be an artist. So we’d have these conversations and I’d tell her, ‘Graduate and if you decide you don’t want to practice, don’t., said Dr. Saunders. They still married while in school and soon had the first two of their seven children. We ere young with two kids, and we were both busy with residency and medical school, said Dr. Saunders. They moved several times and eventually to Texas. She wanted more children and she wanted horses. I further read in the Dallas Morning News that family members and others say Dr. Rohr simply doesn’t see that she’s created a world surrounded by animals and children she loves, but cannot care for properly. In court records, Dr. Rohr describes herself as a self0-sacrificing mother and supportive and dutiful wife who turned to raising horses to fill a void. Dr. Saunders, her ex-husband said she’s the author of her own destruction.
And, never married, child free Dance Legend Mary Anthony: Still Kicking at 93! (2010 (CBS )
I say way to go, Miss Anthong. Keep on dancing. I dance, too, here in rural Arkansas!!!!

Here is another real life case of the "marriage crunch time" from my files: Judgment Ridge: The True Story Behind the Dartmouth Murders- Dick Lehr (Author), Mitchell Zuckoff(2004), I read while in college, and learned the following: “When Christmas was over, the approach of 2001 marked a return to their hectic lives. But they were considering a dramatic change. Susanne and Half had begun to mull retirement and had discussed whether Susanne, at 55, seven years younger than her husband, should retire early. They were looking forward to more time for favored pursuits, like sailing in Maine and visits to their Berlin apartment. Mostly, friends said, they wanted more time together knowing that Half’s heart ailment might separate them too soon. Susanne had taken a first step toward scaling back her work by stepping down as chairwoman of the German studies department, a job that required her to attend numerous meetings every week. Kacades recalled how Susanne was once so busy and stressed out she developed stomach cramps so painful she could not straighten up. The way she pushed herself all the time was very had on a lot of us, including Half, Kacades said. She was tired and she was aware she needed a better quality of life. As for Half, there was only one dream he had yet to fulfill: becoming a pilot. Susanne and Half’s green thumbs were more prominently on display in the lavishly filled greenhouse, where they grew exotic plants, with a special fondness for orchids. Until then, the present was defined by their demanding careers. To celebrate the New Year, the Zantops hosted a party at their home that included their two closest friends. In the weeks that followed, there were papers to write, speeches to prepare, classes to each, and conference to organize. As a salve for their hectic lives, the Zantops (both ere feminists, humanists, environmentalists)were always trying to squeeze in time for exercise. In winter, cross country skis were usually resting by their front door. (Pg. 53-54)

This is another “greedy couple” Wallie Amos Criswell, Ph.D. and his wife (December 19, 1909 – January 10, 2002), was an American pastor, author. Pastor and wife had an eye for antiques, renowned pieces of 19th century porcelain, furniture was sold off. Strikingly, the Criswell estates had his-and-her auctions in 2007. (Did you readers know this?) Also, Through most of his several decades on staff, the church paid dr. Criswell relatively modestly but provided him and Mrs. Criswell the Swiss Avenue home—a mansion—rent free. Church members and other friends gave them clothes, cars and trips abroad, I learned in reading about this pastor and his wife. The Criswell home was filled with European furniture and Persian rugs from the 19th century. Dt. Criswell also made money on the side through stock investments and through real estate deals with Mr. Pogue, said Mr. Pogue, who was Dr. Criswell’s primary caregiver in his infirm later years. Mrs. Criswell’s will reflected tensions between the estates, specified that nothing of hers was to go to the W.A. Criswell Foundation. The Criswells’ main source of wealth cane from their hobby of collecting antiques. The began to make yearly trips to Europe almost as soon as they came to First Baptist Dallas in 1944. Mrs. Criswell’s estate, a 24-piece Meissen set depicting a musical band of monkeys fetched $25,000! They also collected porcelain birds made by Dorothy Doughty. A Hitler set in Criswell collection? Among the oddest parts of the vast collection of antiques owned by W.A. Criswell and his wife, Betty, was a set of German dishes that Adolf Hitler purportedly gave to a top Nazi military official. One irony is that Fred Florence, the late Jewish president of a bank in Dallas gave the Criswells the money they used to buy the Meissen purportedly commissioned by Hitler. Mr. Florence always gave us our vacation, “Mrs. Criswell says on the anniversary tap. Every time that we would go, he would give us a vary large check and he would say, ‘I want you to buy something that you will treasure.’ So that Meissen set was a gift from Mr. Florence.” (April, 2007)

And, singer/actress Polly Bergen, married very briefly (1954-1955)to MGM actor Jerome Courtland during her first movie career peak, she later wed topflight agent/producer Freddie Fields in 1957, a union that lasted 18 years and produced two adopted children, Pamela and Peter. A third marriage in the 1980s also ended in divorce. An assertive voice when it comes to women's rights and issues, her memoir "Polly's Principles" came out in 1974. Not-so-recent, in an interview Ms. Polly told the Parade man in the following: “Any many in your life? She answered, “If you hear that I am involved with anyone, you have the permission to shoot me.”

All readers should read this book: Breaking Apart : A Memoir of Divorce by Wendy Swallow (Author) 2001 This is how Wendy Swallow, a former staff writer for the Washington Post and currently a journalism professor at American University, describes the end of her marriage. In Breaking Apart: A Memoir of Divorce, Swallow tells us how she met her husband and describes the warning signs that she didn't heed. With straight-forward honesty and 20/20 hindsight, she relates the ways she ignored her better instincts and ended up in an unlivable situation. Her memoir is a poignant account of divorce, a subject that people usually prefer to ignore.She had been involved in a couple of relationships that were not good for her because of a need she saw in the person's life. She was looking for purpose in her own life and a cause to live for. When she met her husband, she saw someone who needed her and offered her stability. He knew what he wanted in life and was working toward it. He was also 10 years older. Before they married, Swallow had some indications of her husband's temper and bursts of anger and experienced more of it after they were married. If you are considering divorce or beginning the process, this is an invaluable book to read. Swallow made mistakes in her choice of a lawyer and has some helpful advice for what is in your best interests. Breaking Apart is a no-holds-barred account that should be read by every woman, regardless of her situation.

ADMIT ONE
This morning, Paula Deen said on the “Today” show that she has Type 2 diabetes, an announcement that has prompted many thousands of characters’ worth of snarky Twitter remarks and blog commentary. I ALWAYS KNEW THE MARRIED QUEEN OF THE DANGEROUS cooking SOUTHERN RECIPIES WAS HIDING A SECRET. SHE IS ALSO A SMOKER, YA’LL. (SEE Dr. OzTVshow.com 2011 interview) I have never purchased any of her products and have never watched her cook. I am not that into cooking and eating!!!! And, I feel the same way about Chef Rachael Ray and her recipes and products. Very married and now Chef (vegan eating) Elisabeth Hasselbeck. These women will never make a dime off of me! Let me not forget the once married and now divorced ex-prisoner Martha Stewart, as well as a host of other very married cooking spouses.
Solo in Arkansas

ADMIT ONE
This morning, Paula Deen said on the “Today” show that she has Type 2 diabetes, an announcement that has prompted many thousands of characters’ worth of snarky Twitter remarks and blog commentary. I ALWAYS KNEW THE” MARRIED QUEEN OF DANGEROUS” cooking SOUTHERN RECIPIES WAS HIDING A SECRET. SHE IS ALSO A SMOKER, YA’LL. (SEE Dr. OzTVshow.com 2011 interview) I have never purchased any of her products and have never watched her cook. I am not that into cooking and eating!!!! And, I feel the same way about Chef Rachael Ray and her recipes and products. Very married and now Chef (vegan eating) Elisabeth Hasselbeck. These women will never make a dime off of me! Let me not forget the once married and now divorced, ex-prisoner, Martha Stewart. And, I am NOT going to pay money for the very married and mom –New Identity Eating” by Audrey Lee: Live foods that can change your life! From delicious main dishes through decadent desserts, nutritionist/chef Audrey Lee Saunders offers a Health Medical Missionary through Missionary Education & Evangelistic Training at (M.E.E.T.) Ministry. Money, money money!!!! $$$$$$ who stole Americans Health???
I have an old copy of Raw food made easy: for 1 or 2 people – Jennifer Cornbleet, along with a few other books on foraging & eating wild foods!
Single Person Household, One is enough for me in rural Arkansas

oops, I am sorry about this duplication. Very sorry.

Plagued by Lawsuits, McAfee Founder Hunts for Cures in Belize
By: Jeff WiseMay 1, 2010 SWAMP KING: McAfee (and his airboat pilot Ruben) near Lamanai, in the Belizean interior I was reported, John McAfee's rise to fame and wealth began with what at the time seemed a minor annoyance. In the mid-1980s, he was working for Lockheed Martin as a software designer when he came across one of the first computer viruses, the Pakistani Brain. Seeing an opportunity, he picked the virus apart and figured out how to defeat it. In 2002, he happened upon an in-flight magazine article about a class of lightweight aircraft called "trikes" -- essentially, hang gliders with engines. Intrigued, McAfee and his 22-year-old girlfriend, Jennifer Irwin, moved to Arizona for flight school.

(August 2011) Beyond Broccoli, Creating a Biologically Balanced Diet When a Vegetarian Diet Doesn't Work Susan Schenck LAc (Author), Bob Avery (Editor) Beyond Broccoli is authored by Susan Schenck, who herself was a raw vegan for six years, followed by a year of raw vegetarianism (raw dairy and eggs included). Her journey has culminated with the reintroduction of just a bit of raw and lightly cooked meat. Just as this book is true in its writing, the same can be said about the subject of marriage. There is a full life to be lived in the single lane, beyond the institution of marriage.
Dr. DePaulo wrote eloquently about the topic of single in her 2011 blogs, and it showed that she’s done her homework spending years researching for the subject, and had gone the extra mile.. I was not disappointed in reading her blogs to date. Dr. DePaulo understands and covered many issues with great attention to detail and in-depth research. Furthermore, everything she advocates has been tested in her own life and in the lives of many others from around the world. Besides from the books she has authored, in the individual blog, her skills can be impressively executed.
That said, like I enjoyed reading the above mentioned book last year and learned from it, I look forward to continue reading Dr. DePaulo’s blogs here in my tiny rural home in Arkansas. I cannot say I have a favored post of Dr. DePaulo’s writing. All of her posts were remarkable, just excellent even before 2011.

The author of ‘An Anatomy of Addiction’ By HOWARD MARKEL said on an interview with BookTV.org (2011) that the USA is the no.1 user of illicit drugs in the world. He further said we now have a rising prescription drug use among our senior citizens and others. Our society does not lift us up, but we should encourage one another. I agree with this author in this statement. I want to encourage you Dr. DePaulo in your work. Howard Markel, director of the Center for the History of Medicine at the University of Michigan, recounts the cocaine use of Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis and William Halsted, an early innovator in the field of modern surgery. Markel examines each man’s introduction to and use of the drug and their respective addictions to cocaine, whose danger they were unaware of at the time. Howard Markel speaks at Hatcher Graduate Library at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

ONE FOR THE ROAD
Readers, in this forthcoming book Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone by Eric Klinenberg. Penguin Press, $27.95 (Feb. 2012), I will borrow it from the interlibrary loan department this year. I will not buy books, and in fact, have stopped buying books (new and used) years ago. I am ahead of the game in the single lane! (smile) I have read some reviews on this book, and it looks like it will be a winner. Why continue to buy and keep books, when I can borrow from my local library for free in my own local community? My personal identity is not tied up in owning and driving a car, nor being married or cohabitating with another person. I love my binoculars (Leupold).

PS: On May 20, 2008, if was reported Huntington Hartford, A. & P. Heir, Dies at 97 by DANIEL LEWIS----Huntington Hartford, who inherited a fortune from the A. & P. grocery business and lost most of it chasing his dreams as an entrepreneur, arts patron and man of leisure, died Monday at his home in Lyford Cay in the Bahamas. He was 97. After squandering his vast A&P inheritance, Hunting Hartford turned to drugs. . In VANITY magazine (Hostage to Fortune article), the reporter found the 93 yr. old former playboy in Lyford Cay. The reporter learned about his gilded past and his dark years as a recluse. It was reported he was bedridden, and had had lived in near isolation for the last 10 years, but the photos brought back memories. A photo of Huntington Hartford in 1974 with his fourth wife, Elaine Kay, on their wedding day was featured in this article.

Swindler or businesswoman? St. Augustine's Lydia Cladek goes to trial
| Updated: January 18, 2012 - 7:42am
Opening arguments in the trial of a St. Augustine Beach woman accused of running a $100 million Ponzi scheme started Tuesday in Jacksonville with one side describing a selfless swindler and the other a practical businesswoman. Lydia Cladek, 67, has been indicted on four counts of wire fraud, nine counts of mail fraud and one count of conspiracy in relation with an investment company she ran. Assistant U.S. Attorney Jay Taylor painted a picture of a ruthless woman. He told the jury about some investors who had their entire retirement accounts wiped out by Cladek’s actions. He said that while Cladek was known around the St. Augustine Beach community as a “successful businesswoman, a philanthropist, a church-going member of the community,” it was all a facade hiding a much more sinister reality.Cladek’s attorney, federal public defender Maurice Grant II, did not directly refute many of the prosecution’s points but rather tried to downplay the depiction of Lydia Cladek Inc. as a shell company.
He argued that as a licensed Florida corporation, Lydia Cladek Inc. was free to engage in whatever lawful business practices it wished. He pointed out that none of the extravagant purchases that Cladek was said to have made by the prosecution were illegal.
Donna Berardo, one of Cladek’s investors, testified that she had recovered “not one penny” from the company’s bankruptcy proceedings out of hundreds of thousands of dollars she invested. Lydia Cladek Inc., of which Cladek was president and sole owner, bought subprime automobile finance contracts from dealers at discounted prices. Cladek promised investors a sizable chunk of the income and to secure their investments with these car notes as collateral. According to the indictment, none of that was true.Prosecutors say the amount of investment money the company brought in far exceeded the value of any car notes held by the company as early as 2003. They also believe Cladek used older investment money to pay interest on newer investment money. Lydia Cladek Inc. eventually grew to nearly 100 employees.
The setup came to a halt in early 2010 after the FBI searched her offices. By this time she had fled to her husband’s residence in the Fort Myers area and was arrested Dec. 7.The trial is expected to last up to two weeks.

Well, she will be learning to live tiny, and simple herself after the forthcoming sentencing: Judge: Hoax mom swindled $1M from boss, relative
By MARYCLAIRE DALE | Associated Press – 28 mins ago
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A federal judge has found that a Philadelphia-area woman stole more than $1 million before she called in a hoax carjacking and fled to Disney World with her child. The fraud total and the use of "sophisticated means" increases Bonnie Sweeten's sentencing range to 8 1/2 to 10 years in prison. The sentencing hearing has inched along over several days. It will resume Jan. 26. Her father, William Siner of Milton, Del., testified Wednesday that Sweeten made a big mistake and knows it. The 40-year-old Feasterville paralegal triggered a nationwide search in 2009 when she told a 911 operator she and her 9-year-old daughter had been kidnapped.Authorities say she fled before an arrest for swindling her boss and an elderly relative. Sweeten spent a year in prison for the fake 911 call.

Dr. DePaulo, I have one small dream about your book.. I had hope to see a copy in the Arkansas prison libraries. Last I checked, there were no copies of your book. SEE article --
Glennor Shirley, head librarian for Md. prisons, believes in books behind bars
By Michael S. Rosenwald, Published: March 25, 2011
CUMBERLAND, Md. — The library is quiet. At the front counter, workers shuffle papers, sort books and peck at computers. A woman walks in. “Oh, Miss Shirley is here,” says the man behind the reference desk, peeking over the top of his reading glasses. He is a convicted murderer. Miss Shirley is Glennor Shirley, head librarian for Maryland prisons, responsible for the rows of books behind the barbed-wire fences here at Western Correctional Institution and 16 other state prison libraries. The inmate behind the desk and the librarian’s relationship dates back to a Commodore 64.“Remember, when you locked me in a room until I learned how to use that computer?” says the inmate, who wasn’t authorized by the prison to be quoted by name. Miss Shirley laughs, changes the subject, deflecting attention from herself, and then the inmate whispers: “Don’t let her be too modest. She is an amazing teacher. A lot of us have relied on her.” Murderers, rapists, thieves and drug dealers have been relying on Miss Shirley, as she is always called by library visitors, for more than two decades to get them Jackie Collins novels, Westerns, biographies of Henry Ford, the latest James Patterson page-turner, poetry, Entrepreneur magazine, math textbooks, resume guides and illustrated books about snakes. But with state budget shortfalls, Miss Shirley is no longer allocated money for new books. Her already tiny slice of the $13.9 million prison education budget was whittled back even further after the department took a $2.1 million hit last year. Staffing is down. Funds for programs letting prisoners read books to their children — also gone.
These days, her stories about library science behind bars often begin with this phrase, “When I had money. . . ”Changing lives
Miss Shirley has weathered deficits during previous recessions as lawmakers diverted money away from prisoners toward law-abiding citizens — a constituency, she knows, that is prone to ask, “Why give money to murderers to read when people can’t get jobs?”The pendulum between punishment and rehabilitation behind bars always swings toward punishment during tough fiscal times, prisoner advocates say. But they also argue the swing is shortsighted, pointing to studies showing education programs can reduce recidivism by 29 percent. “Libraries in prisons changes lives,” says Diana Reese, president of the American Library Association’s division for specialized libraries.
Prisoners acknowledge the difficult decisions lawmakers face. “Here are these men locked up, promised three meals a day, and we can read at our leisure without paying the rent,” says Wayde Heslop, 38, of Silver Spring, who is serving a life sentence at North Branch Correctional for the murder of a 23-year-old Hyattsville man. (Heslop loved “The Count of Monte Cristo.”) “But some of these men are coming back home. If they come back into society, at least they should come back educated.” Miss Shirley is not complaining. Rather, she has won plaudits from her prison librarian peers for pushing ahead despite setbacks facing the entire prison reading community. “Her libraries have been devastated in the last few years,” says Diane Walden, Miss Shirley’s counterpart for Colorado prisons. “She doesn’t complain or vent or whine. She is very focused on what she can do. She’s an amazing person and advocate.”
Miss Shirley, 67, immigrated to Maryland in the 1980s from Jamaica, where she was a librarian. She has a gentle voice, inflected with an island accent, and she’s a talker. While working low-level jobs in public libraries during the day, she worked nights in a prison library to pay her bills. “I was just being practical,” she says. “I needed the money.” She remembers the first time the gate clanged behind her. “I had hundreds of inmates in my face. It was a strange feeling, these dozens of eyes looking at you and assessing you.”The part-time job turned full time, and Miss Shirley rose to become a nationally known advocate for prison reading, telling tales of life behind bars in her popular blog, Prison Librarian. About a program she organized for prisoners to read to their children, she quotes an inmate saying, “It couldn’t get any righter than this.”
“I am basically a person who believes in justice and what is right,” Miss Shirley says. “I saw these needs behind bars.” Mining connections
With the state facing a $1.6 billion budget shortfall, her job has become stressful and more complex. Miss Shirley relies on donations to line the shelves, but many books are several years out of date or the pages are too weathered and brown to be used.
Miss Shirley, whose official title is library coordinator, is not above mining connections to score good books for her staff of librarians. She is president of the Maryland Library Association, and she seeks appointments to organizations that she can lean on for help. “I run my mouth a lot,” she says. She ran it last year with the One Maryland One Book program, landing copies of “Outcasts United” for prisoners, who then discussed the book at a meeting with author Warren St. John. “I didn’t get down on my hands and knees and beg,” Miss Shirley says, “but I did charm them.” Roughly 7,000 new prisoners sign up for library privileges every year, according to state statistics. There are about 199,000 items in monthly circulation. The libraries look little different than an elementary school’s facility. The shelves are low. The Dewey Decimal System is in operation. Posters for the National Book Festival hang on the wall, even though these library patrons won’t attend. Miss Shirley has found that leisure reading among prisoners — when they aren’t doing legal research — has held relatively steady. Urban novels are popular. So are romance novels by Jackie Collins and Eric Jerome Dickey. “A lot of guys in relationships, they read that stuff to tap their sensitive aspects,” says Heslop, the inmate from Silver Spring. Westerns are popular for their depiction of old-time lawlessness. Thrillers are also in high demand. “It’s like people reading Dean Koontz on a plane,” says Larry Sullivan, a John Jay College of Criminal Justice professor and expert on prison reading. “It’s easy. It’s like candy. But reading almost anything is better than reading nothing. You’d rather have someone reading a novel than hanging around the yard stabbing someone.”Miss Shirley says library users tend to be better behaved and more focused on their future, even if, like Heslop, they will likely spend the rest of their lives behind bars. His favorite magazine: Entrepreneur. “You might read a story in there of a person being poor, sleeping on the street, but they had an education and they knew where to go to elevate themselves,” he says. “It’s very encouraging.” Prisoners, he says, look forward to library visits. If a guard yells “library day” in the cellblocks, he says, inmates pipe up and bang on their doors: “Cell 45! Cell 42! Everyone wants to come. It’s like you are not even in prison anymore. You feel like you are uptown in the library. There are no bars in here

So many married people end up unhappy because in their belief in the 'The One'. The notion of ‘The One’ is ridiculous. Sorry to be so abrupt, but this is just how it is. That doesn’t mean you won’t have a happy life with your chosen partner. In fact you are much more likely to have a happy life with your chosen partner than someone who mistakenly believes in ‘The One’ - typically someone who marries the first person they have sex with after a substantial intimacy drought: “it feels amazing so it must be love”. Come on, please! Where it actually may be ‘love’, it is more likely to be ‘infatuation’ thinly disguised as love. Even if it is ‘love’, that doesn’t mean that it should be forever. The high divorce rate is attest to that.

I'm a Jewish woman in my early 30s and I don't want to get married or have kids, which flies in the face of the Torah and we are told that we should be fruitful and multiply. I tried dating Jewish men, but all of the Jewish men I met wanted to get married and have kids. I have been made to feel like a freak to the point where I no longer attend synagogue because within 5 minutes, the conversations turns towards why I'm single. This is one reason why synagogue memberships are down in my age group...because single Jews are subsidizing Jewish families!!! Forget that. I'd rather take my money and donate to a charity.