Who gets invited to the big event? If you are on the list, do you get to bring someone - or are only certain people allowed to bring a guest? If you are invited to bring a guest, does the guest have to be someone with whom you are (possibly) having sex? What does all of this have to say about how we value different kinds of people in contemporary society?
You can probably anticipate my position on these matters, so for now, I'm not going to say anything more about what I think. Instead, I'll share a story sent to me by Carol C. of Chicago:
"A friend of several decades sent a lovely formal invitation to me to join her family and friends in the celebration of her and her husband's ten year wedding anniversary at their huge farm which is about an hour from my home. I did promptly respond with the enclosed card that '2' would be in attendance. (My dear mother would be my guest whom I might add hosted many yummy dinners growing up.) A week later, I received a phone call from my friend politely indicating to me that the chapel and reception room (both located on the farm) were small and that they needed to keep the invites down. (No problem, it's their party.)
"I felt embarrassed after she pointed out the fact that the envelope was addressed to just me and not 'and guest.' Ghastly Social Faux Pas! I know my mouth dropped when I asked if a mutual married friend was bringing her husband (a basic stranger to both my friend and her husband). Her response was basically, duhhhh, yah she's married. I did express my uneasiness (mildly put) about the unfairness of having to ALWAYS travel solo because I am not married. Fine.
"This led me to internet research on the 'etiquette' for inviting singles (per your definition) to weddings, parties, other events. Basically, social etiquette supports the position that married/coupled people should have their Significant Other also invited. There is, however, no obligation to have the single person bring a guest. I understand the financial constraints people are working with when planning weddings and other parties, but geez, really, social etiquette is covering their back on this slight to single people."
Following up on Carol C's suggestion, I googled the topic and found these two gems from one of the premiere practitioners of singlism, the site called The Knot. They are both questions submitted by readers. You can click on the links to see the answers.
1. "I invited a single friend with a guest, and when she returned the reply card, she'd written another female friend of hers. She's not seeing this person, so she's just a friend and definitely not a date -- I don't want to pay for her friend! What can I do?"
2. "My fiance and I are paying for most of our wedding and we are on a tight budget. We would like to invite as many people as possible, which makes it tough to invite singles with guests. Is it acceptable to invite single family and friends but not include "and guest" on their invitations? My fiance says we have to allow wedding guests to bring a date out of courtesy. I just don't want to eliminate people just because we're obligated to let them bring a guest that we can't afford. What should we do?"
OK, readers, have at it!
