Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

Single-at-Heart Readers, Take a Look at This!

Reader asks if it’s normal to dream of being single

Couldn't wait to share this one with you! The Boston Globe has a "Love Letters" column, and recently, a reader sent in a question that was published under the heading, "Sometimes I want to be single." The reader, who calls herself ILE ("Is Love Enough?"), first talks about a wonderful man with whom she has been in a serious relationship for several years. She even says about him, "As cheesy as it sounds, my heart still flutters when I am around him. It's perfect. Really." They are thinking about moving in and getting married.

Then she says this:

SeizetheDayMonterey.com
"So then why, at times, do I feel that I should just be alone? Let me clarify this. Maybe every six months or so, I wonder if I am just not meant to be in a relationship. I have always been kind of a free spirit, independent, spur-of-the-moment kind of woman. While my boyfriend has never tried to tame that side of me, once you are in a relationship, it just naturally changes because you have someone else to consider when making these last-minute decisions...

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These feelings, I have noticed, tend to come up when I am driving up the coast alone with the top down.

I haven't really broached the subject with my boyfriend yet because I don't want him to think I want to break up with him and I certainly don't want to scare him off. But is what I am feeling normal?"

So, dear readers, have at it! Tell ILE what you think. I'll have my say tomorrow on WBUR, an NPR affiliate in Boston. (I love Boston but I won't be there; I'm doing the show from a studio in Santa Barbara.) I bet you can guess the 3-word phrase I'll be using a lot: Single at heart! (Is she or isn't she?)

(You can read the entire letter, and the advice columnist's response, here.)

Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UCSB.

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