There is so much of value to the book, but what I want to focus on here is the striking similarity between the ways that singles and adults with no children are viewed and treated, and the ways they think about their lives.

Here are some particularly telling excerpts from the book. (Italicized statements are from people the author interviewed; the others are Karen Foster's own words.)

• "I realized the only reason I envisioned children in my life was because I had never been told there was an alternative."
• "One of my high school girlfriends said I'd never know love because I hadn't had kids."
• Interviewee describing her mother's attitude: "Here her daughter has this great education, wonderful job with great money, is really independent and all that, but if only she had a baby, then she would be complete."
• "Oftentimes, they even have grandchildren by other children, but still try to scare their childfree kid with claims like, 'you'll never really be happy' or 'it's different when they're your own,' insisting that the decision to forgo parenting will only lead to unhappiness and despair."
• "I told my parents when I was twelve that I didn't want children, but of course they thought I would change my mind. When I got older, I was told that I was evil, unnatural, and selfish. Who would take care of me when I got old? Who would marry me? Then there was the sobbing over how there would be no grandchildren."
• "Childfrees often hear that anyone who had a lousy childhood and doesn't want kids is simply running away from something."
• "The mystery remains, though, why anyone would try to talk someone who didn't want children into having them."
• "When someone asks me who's going to take care of me when I get old, I ask them who's taking care of their parents. Ninety percent of the time it's not them, so that pretty much ends it right there."
• "The point is that having children to stave off some fear of old age is an incredibly bad idea. Adult children can be flaky, busy, financially burdened, child burdened, across the country, uninterested, physically disabled, mentally disabled, dead, in conflict with siblings, squabbling over inheritances, or unwilling to spend said inheritance on care, not to mention unwilling or unable to spend their own money on it."
• "The only thing I miss by not having kids is that ever-elusive societal approval. You know, everyone thinking you're so great because you're a mother. For some reason, that seems to be the 'get out of jail free' card for women. It instantly attaches some sort of credibility to you, whether you deserve it or not."
• "When they ask, 'Do you have kids?' and I say no, they reply, 'I'm sorry.' That really catches me off guard. I'm not sorry at all, so why should you be?"
• "Friends, family, co-workers, and even perfect strangers may still feel emboldened to question your decision and challenge your determination."
• "...many empty nesters are wondering how to create meaning in their lives, but I feel like I've been filling my life with meaning all along."

I don't know Karen Foster and had never even corresponded with her until Kim Calvert of Singular magazine told me about No Way Baby. I am so grateful to Kim for letting me know about this wonderful book, and of course to Karen Foster for writing it.

[A few other relevant posts:

Are mothers better than everyone else?

Single, no children: Who's your family?

Are aunts and uncles the forgotten kin?

Candidate claims she is superior because she is a mother

'Put down that mommy card,' Post writer tells Oklahoma candidate ]

UPDATE: The Singlism book includes a section on singlism's cousin.