I see Rachel as one of the leaders of the up-and-coming generation of singles activists and thinkers. I aspire to keep up with all of the important news and blogs about single life - Rachel actually seems to do so. Sometimes, when it is taking me a long time to find the relevant links to various scholarly articles or books or reports that I mention here, I'll wonder whether I should bother. But then I think of Rachel, because she likes to see the originals. I know she is going to continue to be that person who doesn't take someone else's summary as good enough. Rachel is developing her ideas about singles and singlism in the most rigorous ways - currently, for example, in her advanced academic studies. Even before she went back to school, she was already attending singles-relevant talks and readings and events, and reaching out to scholars of single life. She has also served on the Board of the Alternatives to Marriage Project.

My hope for the future of consciousness-raising about singles lies in people such as Rachel Buddeberg. Living Single readers know that I often rail about scholars who misrepresent the research on the implications of getting married. In a way, though, it is understandable that they are reluctant to change. Many of them have published papers that did not sufficiently challenge the conventional wisdom. It is the people who are learning for the first time (whatever their age) about the science and critical thinking relevant to single and married life who will approach the issues in the most open-minded ways.

Nominations for other single-minded change agents are always welcome. And now, on to my interview with Rachel.

1. Bella: Let's start with the personal. Is there something that happened in your life, or in someone else's, that really brought home to you the need for change? I'm talking about change on any level - the way we think about people who are single in everyday life; the place of singles in the workplace, in the law or in public policy; or anything else that seems relevant. Do you have a story you can tell about this?

Rachel Buddeberg: Before I answer your question I would like to thank you for this opportunity! Admittedly, I felt a bit overwhelmed by being named as a change agent in the company of Tom Coleman and Nicky Grist. Compared to them, I feel that I haven't really done anything yet! I have spent some time on the board of the Alternatives to Marriage Project and I write about singles issues on my blog but most of my agency is still in the future. And a lot of my plans are still rather vague... What is clear to me, though, is that I want to fight singlism - both the internalized and external varieties - more consistently and, hopefully, professionally. My dream is to offer workshops for single people along the lines of Marie Edwards' in the 1970s. In the meantime, let me answer your questions...

I'll start on the personal level... After yet another painful break-up with a boyfriend, close to turning 40, I sensed that there was something in my life that I hadn't noticed: I was happier when I was single. At first I figured that might be because I kept picking the wrong guys but, fortunately, there was one who I am still friends with. I had a counter example to the "wrong guy" theory. I was happier when I was single period. I didn't quite know where to take this hunch, so I started reading. One book I stumbled on was "Single State of the Union," through which I found out about Kay Trimberger and you. I think I read your book over one weekend. I realized that I had always assumed that if I just found the right guy, I would be happy. Instead, I began to understand that not only was I happier single - it was okay to choose to be single! It was an amazing realization. And then I got mad! Why had I never thought about this before? Could I have saved myself a lot of pain if I had chosen this path before? That's when my interest in single's rights became more than personal because I realized that we are taught from very early on to think about coupling as the only life path. Clearly, this has to change!

2. Bella: Is there one particular issue or goal that is especially important to you as you try to create social change?

Rachel Buddeberg: There are two issues I am particularly interested in as an activist and (emerging) scholar: the internalized version of singlism and how the matrimanical narrative undermines our communities. Internalized singlism had whispered into my ear that I wasn't okay without being in a couple. It had driven me into relationships without realizing that I actually had the choice to remain single, to create a live outside of cultural norms that would involve a lot of love and relationships but no The One (nor a search for The One).

I am also interested in the societal implications of matrimania and singlism because I think that both undermine our communities. If we are so focused on one other person that we ignore connections with friends and family, we are not building community. We are building nuclear family nests. The nuclear family became economically feasible in the 1950s, as Stephanie Coontz argued. At the same time social capital - our involvement in our communities - has declined, as Robert Putnam has documented. I don't think that is coincidental: Social capital declined just when nuclear families took off. There is some evidence suggesting that our focus narrows with marriage (for example here and here). I think it is imperative that we look into this connection further!

3. Bella: One difficulty I've often encountered is the misperception that if you have a positive message about singles or single life, that necessarily means that you are putting down marriage or traditional family life. Have you run into that, and if so, how have you dealt with it?