Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

Maureen Dowd Quotes Me, But Not About Singles

Lies are like wishes

Ever since Maureen Dowd wrote the column titled, "All the single ladies," I've been hearing from readers asking me to discuss it. Ordinarily, I would have jumped on that, but I had already posted three times about Elena Kagan (here, here, and here) and it just seemed to be pushing it to go for a fourth. So instead, I encouraged readers to contribute their own critiques in the comments section of this post, and they've already made some great points. Thanks to all of you.

Of course, when I read that column about the single ladies, I wished that Dowd had read Singled Out. So when the phone rang a few days ago and the caller, Ashley Parker, said she was from Maureen Dowd's office, I immediately thought - the single ladies sequel, yes!

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Well, no. The new column, which just appeared, is called "Lies as Wishes." Of all the things I learned from decades of studying liars and their lies, one of my favorites is that lies are like wishes. They often reveal the kind of person we only wish we were. That's the theme that Dowd discussed in her column. I like it a lot.

Still, I'd like another singles column even better. I've already sent her a copy of Singled Out.

[Some notes: (1) I'm working on a redesign of my website, and will be adding a blog. There, I plan to post some more personal reflections and address other topics, such as deception. Then, this blog will probably include fewer digressions from the Living Single topic. Until that's ready, I hope you don't mind these occasional off-topic posts. (2) If you are interested in reading more about deception and the "lies as wishes" theme, there are some relevant sections in my collection of people's stories of their most serious lies, Behind the Door of Deceit: Understanding the Biggest Liars in Our Lives, in paperback here and on Amazon, and on Kindle. Also relevant are some of the academic papers in The Lies We Tell and the Clues We Miss: Professional Papers, available in paperback here or from Amazon.]

 

Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UCSB.

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