Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.
Bella DePaulo is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UC Santa Barbara. See full bio

Will Our Voices Be Heard on the Pages of the Washington Post?

Will singles and people without children be represented?

I have such a backlog of topics to address, thanks to all the great links and topics and stories ideas that readers have been sending me. I thought I'd post this brief piece now, because it is timely. As part of America's Next Great Pundit Contest that I wrote about here, the editors at the Washington Post invited readers to submit questions to the final four pundits vying for the title. I was delighted that the Post chose the question I submitted to Courtney Martin about recognizing the voices of people who are not interested in marrying or having children. Here's my question and her answer.

Summerland, Calif.: Thanks, Courtney Martin, for your thoughtful contributions to the pundit contest. In your first entry, you said, "I don't know a single young man who isn't committed to being an involved father someday." But parenting isn't for everyone, and neither is marriage. If you were to become the next great pundit, do you think such people (those who prefer not to follow the usual path through marriage and parenting) would have a place in your writings? My concern is that they are too often treated as if they do not exist or are not important, and I worry about the dampening effect of that on their political participation.

--Bella DePaulo, author of "Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After"

Courtney Martin: Hi Bella, thanks for writing! In short, yes.
I have written previously on both the radical potential of love and the limits of many of our current ways of structuring and constricting it. Marriage, for one, is still a discriminatory institution, despite some good strides in the last few years. It also has a history of being blatantly misogynistic, of course. Does this mean it can't be transformed? No, but it does take a real commitment to original thinking and fierce self-awareness, not to mention political pressure and civic organizing.

With regards to the choice to have children or not, I totally agree that there isn't enough public dialogue. Though I, myself, am really excited to have kids some day, I will make every effort to remember that many people don't. I know that sometimes my own personal excitement comes out in my writing as bias, but I'm grateful to folks like you who remind me to include other voices.

[You can read the entire Q and A here. In the second paragraph, there's a link to a page where you can cast your vote if you are interested.]



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