Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

Bella DePaulo is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UC Santa Barbara. See full bio

What’s the #2 Thing a Restaurant Staffer Should Never Do?

We’re number 2!

The New York Times has been running a feature on the 100 things that the staff at restaurants should never do. That's a lot of things to avoid, including, for example, #21, "Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong" and #44, "Do not discuss your own eating habits." So what piece of advice was as close as possible to the top of the list, without actually being #1? It was this: "Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, ‘Are you waiting for someone?'" Now that's enlightenment!

So far, 1,158 comments have been posted to the Times story. I've only read the first two pages of them, but already three people have expressed their gratitude for the piece of advice about solo diners. The very first person to comment said: "Bravo. And to emphasize the point of #2, don't say, ‘JUST one?' Treat a single female diner as well as you would anyone else." The 8th person continued: "I completely agree with comment #1 and would add that single diners should not be led to the worst table. That has been my experience - being seated closet to the bathroom or bus area." Person #50 added: "I have to really second #2...That is critical. I HATE the ‘just one' bit." (Thanks to fellow blogger and friend for more than a decade, Bobbie Spellman, for the heads-up about the story and the expressions of appreciation in the comments.)

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And speaking of kudos for the Times, the paper invited six people to comment on the growing number of 40-something year-olds who are still somewhat dependent, economically, on their parents. I braced myself for an onslaught of singlism, but it did not happen. Instead of zeroing in on single people and berating them, the contributors instead talked about the ways in which our changing society and bad economy is a challenge to all of us, and offered suggestions for giving financial help in ways that promote independence rather than dependence. You can read the essays here.

I also found an interesting answer to the question of favorite things about single life in an unlikely place: the ending of a short story by Stephen King. Titled "Premium Harmony," it appeared in the most recent (November 9) issue of the New Yorker.

One last thing, now that I've veered off-topic. Book lovers will be happy to learn that there is a new books section over at the Huffington Post. It hosts all sorts of interesting discussions of books and the publishing world, and even offers articles from the New York Review of Books.
Enjoy!