I've been writing about single life for a while now. First I wrote some academic papers, then the book, Singled Out, that became my passion the entire time I was writing it. Happily, that opened lots of doors and this Living Single blog is one of my favorites. I was already writing for the Huffington Post before that. Along the way, I've had opportunities to address all sorts topics relevant to singles, such as the place of singles in politics, in academic research and teaching, in the minds and ads of marketers, and much more.
Sometimes, when I'm thinking about topics I've written about previously (friendship, for example), I'll track down all of the blog posts and other essays I've written on the topic. I started making folders on various topics when I noticed another PT blogger mention that he had created a book and made it available through Amazon. It was one of those light bulb moments - why not! If I could gather many of my essays on single life and organize them by topic, I could have the resulting collection for myself, and also make it available to others as a paperback and as an e-book for Kindle. This new book is called SINGLE WITH ATTITUDE: Not Your Typical Take on Health and Happiness, Love and Money, Marriage and Friendship. The Kindle version just went live in the past few hours. The paperback is available now from my e-store. In a week or so, the paperback version should also be available from Amazon, and gradually the rest of the information should appear there too (the picture of the cover, maybe the "Search Inside" feature, etc.). My own copy of the paperback hasn't even arrived yet, but I am too eager to tell you about it to wait.
The vast majority of these essays are lightly edited versions of posts that first appeared here at the Living Single blog. So if you've already read all of my posts, there won't be that much that is new. The collection does include, though, some pieces I originally wrote for the Huffington Post as well as some of my op-ed essays that appeared in places such as Forbes.com, the Chronicle of Higher Education, and the New York Times. I hope you will enjoy the collection. Perhaps you know some people who would relate to my take on single life, or others who may be interested in hearing such perspectives perhaps for the first time. If so, maybe they would appreciate Single with Attitude.
(As I've mentioned before, for decades I also studied the psychology of lying. I've put together two Amazon books on that research. I'll describe them in the next post.)
Here are some of the topics covered by the 89 essays in Single with Attitude:
The Singles Are Coming, the Singles Are Coming! No, Wait - They're Already Here
Forget what you've heard about single life as the place where we mark time until real life happens. Americans now spend more years of their adult lives single than married, and they are living their single lives fully. That does not sit well with those who want tradition to prevail. The changes that are happening around marriage and single life are historic, and we're living them.
Media Splashes - Don't Get Soaked!
Remember that Newsweek scare story from the 1980s - that 40-year old women who had not yet married were "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever get married? It is now decades later, and Newsweek has recanted. But their revisionist version is still wrong! Oh, and in what has become the back-of-the-book backlash-porn section of the Atlantic, single women are told to settle - and now! Your trusty author, on the other hand, has a different opinion - and hers is backed by data.
Singles, Singles Everywhere
It's not just in America that people are spending more and more of their adult years living single. The phenomenon has gone global.
A Nation of the Matrimaniacs
Singlism (the bashing of singles) and matrimania (the over-the-top hyping of marriage and weddings) are rampant, and practiced without apology or even awareness.
Single Life, Like Fine Wine, Gets Better with Age
Most people think they know how single life unfolds - it is bad in your 20s and 30s, then it gets even worse. Wrong! Snippets of research and flashes of insight from psychotherapists suggest something quite different - it may well be the early years of adult life that are hardest on singles. In later life, some of the least lonely people on the planet are women who have always been single. And another thing - don't let them scare you with that threat about dying alone.
Not "Just" Friends
What does the First Family value more than you know? What mattered most to the wife of Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger when she first learned that the plane he was piloting, with 155 people onboard, had crash-landed in the Hudson? What was at the emotional core of some of the most popular and longest-running television series? Why is it that singles really are not alone, and why do so many of them do so well? The answer is the same each time: Friendship. If you are single, how do you find more of it?
Love, Sex, and Family
This section is so not what you think it is.
Single and Paying for It: Work, Money, and Taxes
Singles are paid less for the same work, assessed more in taxes, charged more for insurance and memberships, and they are expected to cover for couples at work. If you are single and you complain, though, be prepared to hear that you are the problem.
Selling to Singles: Patronizing, Pitying, and Dopey
Look closely at the ads and sales pitches all around you, and you will see what marketers think singles want. Maybe it is they who are pathetic and stupid.
The Pleasures and Comforts of Solitude, Pets, and Routines
Some singles love their solitude, their pets, and their routines. That doesn't mean that they are loners, that they are "compensating" for some human relationship they do not have, or that they are rigid, any more than it does when married people cherish the same things.
Single Spirit
Single people do not necessarily dine alone, vacation alone, or spend holidays alone - but some do it once and then choose to do it over and over again. What do other people think when they see solo diners? There's actually research on that.
Singles in the Spotlight
From political and judicial stars Condoleezza Rice, Sonia Sotomayor, and Janet Napolitano, to British super singing star Susan Boyle, to celebrities in unmarried couples such as Oprah and Angelina Jolie, see how even the most accomplished singles get The Singles Treatment (and how one not-so-accomplished single person in the spotlight stigmatizes herself).
Star Thinkers: Some Singles Who Should Be in the Spotlight
How to start a revolution, the pleasures of a single bed, why newlyweds should not get all the loot, and more -- writings from 1936 through the early 21st century, from a few brilliant thinkers you may not know.
I Dare You: Is There a Political Leader Who Will Speak Intelligently to Single Citizens?
Isn't it interesting that at a time when just about as many voting-age Americans are unmarried as married, the speeches of political candidates are so saturated with paeans to marriage and family?
The Religious Experience
God was single, but is religion all about couples and families?
If Marriage Were a Drug, the FDA Would Not Approve It
The media loves marriage. If only you get married, headlines proclaim, you will be happier, healthier, sleep better, and live longer. A Ph.D. from Harvard who has taught research methods for decades, and has published more than 100 professional papers herself (yes, the author) explains why it is all a crock.
White Women Rule: Where Are the Other Voices?
Books, studies, stories, and blogs about singles are overwhelmingly written by and about white women. Fortunately, that is starting to change (though a bit too slowly). Here are a few examples.
