Some of the questions I get from readers are ones I just can't answer, so I look for experts. A number of singles have gotten in touch to ask me questions relevant to religion - for example, which religions are welcoming to singles. I started a series on the topic earlier this year. In the first post, I introduced the topic, mentioned some of the questions that have been sent to me, and told a bit about my own religious background. The second post was about Judaism, and the third, Christian ministries. This fourth part in the series is about Catholicism. (If you have suggestions as to people I might interview about other religions, or about spirituality - not tied to any particular religion - in the lives of singles, or about atheism, or any other related topic, just let me know.)
The person who generously shared his insights on Catholicism is Jack Clark Robinson, who is a Roman Catholic priest and a Franciscan Friar at the historic Old Mission of Santa Barbara. He has worked with Native Americans and was also a pastor of a mostly Hispanic church in New Mexico. He also just finished his dissertation in the History department here at UC Santa Barbara. I've never met him, even though I'm a permanent visitor at the same university, but as these things go, once I announced my interest in starting this series, referrals led me to him. That's fortunate, as he has provided some very thoughtful answers, as you will see.
Here's our Q & A:
Bella: Let's start with a distinction - if you think it is one worth making - between the formal teachings of a religion and the actual services offered at various places of worship. Starting with the formal teachings, can you tell us briefly about how single people are regarded in Catholicism.
Jack Clark Robinson: The formal teaching of the Roman Catholic Church with regard to human relationships begins with the dignity of each individual human being. In the Gospel according to Matthew (Matthew 22:19-23), Jesus was asked what is the greatest of the commandments. He replied by quoting two verses from the Jewish Scriptures. "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind," came from Deuteronomy, and "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," came from Leviticus. Those two verses indicate three rules: 1) Love God; 2) Love your neighbor, and 3) Love yourself. The last one, "Love yourself," is best understood not as affirmation of egocentrism, but rather as an indication of the worth, value and dignity with which every human being has been endowed by their individual creation in the image and likeness of God. The essential value of human beings comes from the relationship of every human being to God, whether consciously acknowledged or not, rather than from human relationships. All properly ordered human relationships then begin with the spiritual equality and worth of every human being as an individual.
With that said, even though the formal Catholic teaching emphasizes the value of individuals, when it comes to practical application of resources, most parishes place far more emphasis on married folk and families than on singles. First, the three of the sacraments administered at parishes (baptism, confirmation and matrimony) either deal directly, as in matrimony, or indirectly, as in the baptism or confirmation of infants and teenagers with couples. Second, historically, many parishes in the United States were heavily invested in elementary education leading them to work extensively with young families. So though the formal teaching of the Catholic Church does not allow for discrimination between young single people and young married couples, as a result of other factors, in most parishes, young singles receive scant attention in comparison to young married couples, especially those who have children.
Bella: Single people have sometimes shared with me their stories of feeling unappreciated in their places of worship. They tell me, for example, that their particular places of worship are so focused on married couples and families that they feel either devalued, or even sometimes completely excluded from various events. Do you have any suggestions for how single people can figure out whether a particular place of worship may be welcoming to them?
Jack Clark Robinson: Check the website. Most Catholic parishes in an urban setting which are going to be with it enough to be welcoming to single people will also be with it enough to say so on their web sites.
Beyond the obvious, that is activities targeted at singles, there are other opportunities for singles in parishes. Almost any activity from liturgical ministries to social service and social justice ministries in most parishes can often use any help that they can get and would welcome volunteers. It is a way to get connected with people who share similar interests, whether in making music or making a better world.
Bella: This is overly optimistic of me, but in case any priests may be reading this, do you have any suggestions for how they can create places of worship that are more welcoming to single people?
Jack Clark Robinson: I wish that I had a pocketful of good ideas, but in ten years of parish ministry, I was not overly successful in involving singles in parish activity. There are some activities, such as "Theology on Tap," which involves singles meeting on their own "turf," such as restaurants and bars, with religious professionals to talk about issues of interest. But I know of nothing which has been a great success in this area.
Bella: Do you have any advice as to how individual worshippers can approach their priests with suggestions for making their places of worship more inclusive and welcoming of people who are single?
Jack Clark Robinson: The number one rule in approaching a priest or any other professional staff member at a parish is to remember that these people do not need more work. The most effective way to approach a priest is to say, "Here is what I would like to do." If the priest is open, and some will be, though others will not be, then you are halfway to seeing your suggestion getting a try!
Bella: Many thanks, Jack Clark Robinson, for sharing your insights with Living Single readers.
[To read other "Living Single" posts, click here.]
