Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

Bella DePaulo is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UC Santa Barbara. See full bio

February 11, 2009, Social Life

Comments on "Are the Early Years of Single Life the Hardest? Part II: Approaching Age 30"

Are the Early Years of Single Life the Hardest? Part II: Approaching Age 30

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. on February 11, 2009 in Living Single

Psychotherapist Wendy Wasson discusses her experiences with singles approaching the age of 30, and the most common worries and concerns they describe. She also discusses the process, for some singles, of developing more self-awareness and discovering that the single life can become "a legitimate and powerful place to live, love, and build a life." Read More

thanks for the info:)

Submitted by farouk on February 12, 2009 - 1:51am.

thanks for the info:)

It would be nice if you

Submitted by Rendl on February 12, 2009 - 6:24am.

It would be nice if you could adress the issues of single men some time in the future :-)

WELL DONE

Submitted by Wiebes on February 12, 2009 - 10:46am.

Right on, great post. Please keep up the great work!

Thank you!

Submitted by Singlutionary on February 12, 2009 - 6:34pm.

As someone in the very demographic you're writing about, I want to thank you! One thing I love most about this blog is that it puts WORDS to my experience. This time it is the concept of a "social clock". I know about my biological clock (and I'm not particularly worried about it right now) but my social clock drives me nuts. Today I realized that all of my in-town friends are coupled (except for one who lives on the far other side of town). No wonder I don't have anyone to just hang out with! I'd like to have more single friends but I don't know where to find friends my age who aren't on the brink of coupling (or wish they were).

Ahhhhh. It feels so good just to know that these things are called!!!! "Social Clock" is my favorite new word!

social clock

Submitted by Lauri on February 14, 2009 - 1:13pm.

Amen. The social clock is the worst. I remember being horrified in my mid-20s when one of friends mentioned wanting to find a "husband" rather than a boyfriend for the first time and she said, "well, we are getting to that part of the 20s." I was like, "what part of the 20s!?!" I think the age group in this article could definitely be extended to the early 30s, especially in certain social circles. I'm 31, and last year when most of my friends were all turning 30 all of this hit the fan. Suddenly everyone had a boyfriend and was talking marriage. And now...all the marriages! Actually last week on my birthday, the first thing my grandmother said to me was, "you better hurry up and get married!"

I also think the social clock stuff really applies to men too. I've always dated more younger men, because I never like how the guys 30+ that I meet have their minds set on finding a wife (and the life in the suburbs that they seem to think comes with it). It's like when a guy is 29, they want to be single and have fun, maybe find a girlfriend. The minute they turn 30, they move some place cheap and boring and look for a girl with childbearing hips.

to rendl

Submitted by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. on February 13, 2009 - 12:38am.

I'm writing here because my direct reply to your post is not showing up. Just wanted to say that I will write more about single men in the future. In the meantime, here's something I posted previously

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200806/but-what-abou...

In that post, I describe some of my frustration with the fact that there is so much less "out there" about single men, compared to single women.

young and single

Submitted by Anonymous on February 20, 2009 - 6:17pm.

Dr. Wasson's clinical perspective and clarity sheds great light on this topic.

Thank you so much for this

Submitted by Anonymous on April 13, 2009 - 8:04am.

Thank you so much for this article. I am a 29-year-old single woman who struggles daily with these issues. For the most part I can deal with them fairly well, but there are those times when a comment, an attitude, an event, just makes me snap. I struggle because I used to think that in order to "show" that I was fine with being single, I could not let others see any "weakness", I could not let them see how their insensitive comments hurt or ostracized me. I forced myself to be "happy" around couples and to pretend that their conversations about how marriage is such a meaningful developmental step did not bother me (not to mention to hide my convictions that their ideas were based on prejudice). I still struggle with all this, but I am learning to accept my feelings as they come and understand that having internalized stereotypes about being single is a natural psychological process considering my personal history and my social context.