In Part II of the series, Professor Vanessa Ochs discussed the place of singles in Judaism. I have invitations out to experts on other religions, so I hope you will see more posts in this series in the future.
As for today's post, Part III, I am very grateful to have heard back from Monique Moultrie, a religious studies scholar at Vanderbilt University. She responded to the pertinent questions and concerns from the perspective of her expertise on Christian ministries.
Monique Moultrie's discussion draws from her personal experience as well as her formal training. I learned a lot from her contribution, and I hope you find it helpful, too.
Monique Moultrie on the Place of Singles in Christian Ministries:
"In the feminist tradition of naming one's social location, my answers arise from my personal wrestling with sexuality and my participation in the progressive Protestant church. From my queries on whether I could love sex and God to my doubts as to whether I could afford as a woman to live sexually free, sexuality and religion have always been intertwined for me.
"I research in the area of faith-based/Christian ministries that explore singles sexuality. These ministries have turned into a multi-million dollar industry-with books, classes, Internet and gospel radio dating services, and conferences all designed to help singles, and especially women, come to terms with their sexuality and spiritual walk with God. In fact, I argue these ministries have begun to take the place of church discussions with singles. For example, it is common for singles ministries in some Protestant churches to serve only as a tool to provide "marriage matches" for church-goers rather than deal with the complexities of single Christian lives.
"This is perhaps the case because there is an emphasis on marriage in the Christian faith. The 'Adam and Eve' Genesis biblical narrative is widely viewed as a foreshadowing of contemporary marriage and sexual relations are usually deemed only acceptable in a marital bond. Despite all the religious rhetoric to the contrary, there are actually only a few accounts in the New Testament that actually discourage premarital sex. However, the prevalent consensus in many Christian churches is that marriage is the ultimate union of two individuals.
"Yet, in these encouragements to marry the lived realities of Christian believers are often forgotten. While the universal church claims to have no hierarchy, many of the structures of the church implicitly depend on couples. For example, church leaders are usually married as it is presumed that this prevents sexual misconduct (and for those who are biblical literalists it is also a requirement for leadership). Thus, singles, which make up a substantial population of churches, are often shamed and shunned out of the spotlight.
"Hence, the allure of singles ministries as a place where singles can be leaders, can be productive contributors to the church, and socialize with others. Many churches provide singles conferences, workshops, singles bible studies, worship services, retreats, etc. Not all are oriented towards pushing the members towards the altar. In fact, some emphasize working on oneself and getting more centered and more aligned with God before seeking a partner. Some of the better ministries will tackle head on the complexity of singles, allowing space to discuss sex when single or at least how to balance sexual desires when the church is encouraging marriage. The attention to singles does not have to be solely puritanical or conservative!
"For me, the major downfall of these ministries is that they promote heterosexual unions and naturally assume everyone is looking for an opposite sex partner to eventually marry. But if you are openly gay/lesbian in many Christian churches, I'm sure you've got other issues to deal with other than being single!
"The best way to find churches with ministries that fit one's needs is to attend their singles functions. I advocate "church-hopping" or visiting congregations until you find a church that fits where you are in the world. If you are happy with the other resources in your congregation but want to feel more valued as a single, then speak up! Go the church leadership with the idea for a singles ministry. (My personal suggestion is a book group on Donna Marie Williams' Sensual Celibacy-it urges more than just celibacy!) If you're in an area with active church ministries, buddy up with other congregations doing the same. Attend singles conferences in your area. Most importantly, never settle for being a second-class citizen in the household of faith!"
More about Monique Moultrie:
Monique Moultrie is a Ph.D. candidate in the Graduate Department of Religion at Vanderbilt University. She is specializing in the field of ethics. Her doctoral research investigates black women's ethical responses to sexual messages provided in faith-based Christian movements. She received a Bachelor of Arts in Religion and Sociology from Duke University and a Master of Arts in Theological Studies from Harvard Divinity School, where her concentration was in the sexual ethics of Christianity and Islam.
Thank-you, Monique Moultrie, for sharing your experiences, knowledge, and wisdom with the "Living Single" readership.
