I have asked individual scholars who are experts in a specific religion to share their understanding of what singles might encounter in formal teachings as well as in particular places of worship.
The first person to respond positively to my request was Vanessa Ochs, Associate Professor of Religious Studies at the University of Virginia. Judaism is her area of expertise, and she has answered my questions as they apply to that religion.
Professor Vanessa Ochs on the Place of Singles in Judaism
"Traditional Judaism is not geared for the set of unattached adults we now call 'singles.' The ideal and only thinkable state for the traditional Jew is to be married, and not just for the sake of increasing and multiplying (though that is considered a mitzvah, a sacred obligation that needs to be fulfilled (technically, it is incumbent only upon men--the assumption is that women want children so badly that they don't need to be commanded to have them). Marriage is considered desirable because it alleviates loneliness.
"So what if you are a 'single' and you attend synagogue--are you apt to feel comfortable? Yes and no: If you are new in town, and the community is small and cohesive enough to notice you, they may take you on as a 'project' and fix you up with eligible members of their community who are 'looking.' You might appreciate their matchmaking efforts or find them intrusive. If it's a larger community, chances are you will feel somewhat marginalized--synagogue life seems to privilege families. The exception to the rule would be big cities, such as NY, where particular synagogues (Bnai Jeshurun in NYC is one) are known to be especially welcoming to singles--if I recall, they have an early service for families on Sabbath eves, and a later one that gathers hundreds of folks, and many many singles.
"I should add that the modern Orthodox community finds itself in an interesting predicament, as far as singles are concerned. On one hand, they want their singles to feel welcome in the community. On the other hand, they don't want the singles to feel SO at home (say, by being regularly invited to meals with families, or by having tight networks of other religious single friends with whom to celebrate holy days) that they fail to feel the communal pressure to 'get going' and get married."
More About Vanessa Ochs
Vanessa Ochs is an anthropologist and the author of several books on Judaism. They include (among others) Inventing Jewish Ritual and Words on Fire: One Woman's Journey into the Sacred. I thank her for sharing her insights with the "Living Single" community.
