...the fact that a few people tend to live you behind when they find companion ship. It's not that they aren't your friend anymore, it is just a matter of focus energy on something. There are people that focus on work, on family, on art or even on a hobby. And what I feel from this cases where they abandon their friends, is that they usually try to find something that they miss on themselves in another person. Its like they feel incomplete or something. And this "hole" is only fulfilled when they find someone to have romantic love. And for my personal experience with friends like that (not many), they usually end up splitting up usually for realize they will never be "complete" with that person. The thing is, we are already complete by ourselves, and we really don't need another person to "fill the empty space". Living whole by yourself is an art as much as living with a spouse, but worth every single day of life. We end up discovering that we have so much to give for others that need much more then one single person.

I've always believed thinking that one (and only one) person (spouse) can fulfill all of your dreams and needs is both unrealistic and also extremely risky if the realtionship ends. Yet society and government institutions continually promote this idea when - statistically - it just ain't so.

I am not an expert, but I believe the high divorce rate can be attributed to such unrealistic (and unhealthy) expectations. When those expectations aren't met, people bail. To me this makes being single a much more attractive choice - with a greater liklihood of living happily after.

I'm not a total cynic: I do believe people can fall in (and out of) love - my parents have been married forever and a day, so to speak. But they are from a different generation, a different era, if you will, when marriage-as-lifetime-partnership was probably more a practice than a mere theory.

I guess the point of all this is that marriage is not the *only* way that partnering or even love needs to be or is expressed. The way partnering / coupledom/marriage is 'practiced' in our society is simply way over the top. There's this continual drumbbeat of pressure to find "The One," or one's soulmate. Soulmates come in different forms. I have a best friend (same gender) whom I would consider a soulmate. Society never places such friendships above romantic-type soulmates - even though in all liklihood it may (and probably will) endure longer than a marriage.

I think that while turning to the spouse to resolve all the problems and even expecting that he/she will be able to do so is unrealistic, one has to also consider the stage of the relationship.

For instance in early stages of the relationship (when it is being formed) it is natural and important to tune in to the partner- after all it helps build intimacy and helps one explore range of support that partner can provide-its only later that when this becomes an exclusive club that it becomes unrealistic.

I found that when I got married it was my single friends who ditched me. They assumed I was no longer interested in girls nights out and I got the impression they no longer thought I deserved them. I tried very very hard to maintain friendships after I married but over time I was left off more and more invites until I had been completely shunned. All women married and single need to realize that finding a man isn't the end all be all. Having a partner to start a family with is a wonderful blessing, but other attachements remain important. I am since divorced and the singles who avoided me before have started calling again. I have chosen to seek out more confident women who don't define friendship on marital status.

I have read Singled Out and I agree with most, if not all, of what Dr. DePaulo has to say. Her synopsis of the Spencer and Pahl study is especially meaningful when viewed in light of an episode of How I Met Your Mother that aired recently on CBS. Please go to CBS.com and watch the 8th episode of season 4 entitled Woooo!

I have always wanted to believe that singlism isn't as bad as it appears. When I finally figured out that I was happy being single and stopped going out on futile dates and entering into doomed relationships, I couldn't wait to tell my family that I was happy being single, and would probably stay that way. (I am definitely one of those family-centered people.) I was shocked at how they responded! You would think I had told them I was going to the moon.

The point is, I'm glad that there are studies like this being done. We can only hope that their results are more widely distributed and that the trend of living happily alone, that has already become so popular, finally earns some respect.