I left my last job because of the exact reasons given in numbers 6 and 7. I was tired of seeing my co-workers take indefinite days off to care for children, even older children, or ill spouses, or take care of other necessary family business while I, being ably single, was left to make up the majority of their missed work. Whenever I needed to take a day off, I felt like I had to have some long, drawn-out excuse and even then I felt guilty because somehow my reasons were not as important. Married people are idolized by many people, married as well as single, and are subject to different standards. More is expected of singles because it is assumed that, because they don't have immediate, traditional live-in families, they want to devote all of their time to work. Families are a good scapegoat for the married, they give them an excuse for taking time "off," but singles also deserve this time even if it is not for the same reasons. Maybe this week should also be reserved as a week off for singles!

Hi,

Wouldn't it be great if media (such as cinema movies) disclosed the truth of how married couples truly feel about themselves and their relationships when they drop out of social activities and scenes? What are their motives and drivers for not bouncing back to join in with socialising whilst in married life?

Media ought to remind 'everyone' how married couples are sometimes insecure needing someones hand to hold eg; I get tired of hearing 'married wives' tell stories about their single friends searching for love as if it's a drag (probably because nothing remotely exciting is happening in their life) - why don't they say something positive instead?

Worst part is when you lose single friends because the partner they married is so insecure they don't want you to be friends anymore - what's with that?

Can anyone recommend good books to read about being single? Having been single in a state without family in a 5,000km radius for over 10 years I've notice bookshops lack genre's simply about living life single without family? Most articles assume family exists to support everyone but many people I've befriended haven't had such luxury.

Jax
Australia

All the reasons cited here apply in spades to single working women. When the prejudices against single people are reduced--and when women reach true pay equity--we will have done what's needed. But we're a long way off. At SWWAN we're working to create a vendor network where single women can do business with people they can trust--and get a discount or other consideration. And that's why there is an international Single Working Women's Week to celebrate (next year it's August 2-8, 2009).

We look forward to the day when that sort of thing won't be necessary, but meanwhile, one step at a time to change the world. Thank you, Bella, for your column, your passion, and your commitment.

Thanks, Barbara. As you can see from Cindy's comment ("disgruntled single") and other comments on other Living Single blogs, the workplace is a big issue.

I think a lot of individuals are blind to the fact that single people are not afforded the same rights as others. I've been advocating (in a small way) for the right to be single and happy for a little while now, and I found this piece to be inspiring. The only way to defeat a stereotype is to expose it for what it is....a way to discriminate. Thanks for putting the word out there!

As a single person I like to vacation alone and it's frustrating to do it when so many "deals" are based on double-occupancy rates, meaning I have to pay twice as much simply to vacation by myself. I never really see this issue covered when the disparities of singlehood are mentioned.

We need it so we can have a time to celebrate our single-status collectively! (of course we're ALSO on board with everything above, as you know!)

-- Onely

Reason #6 regarding federal benefits (tax, housing, etc) is the one that bothers me the most. A single female friend and I are planning to buy a house together but I'm already anxious that if it comes between us and a married couple, they'll win. They'll probably be seen as more "grown-up", more "dependable", financially stable...I would hate to face discrimination from a buyer. In my area (a bit north of Philadelphia) people are obsessed with marriage and coupling. You're often treated more as a child if you're not married. "OMG you're not married yet, you're almost 30! what are you doig with your life?"

P.S. I am also annoyed that married coworkers can come in late/leave early because of kids and it's perfectly ok. I also feel like i have to come up with an important excuse if I have to do the same.

Jax,

If you're a woman (or even if you're not), I recommend, "Live Alone and Like It" by Marjorie Hillis. It was published in 1936 and, having read it last week, I can tell you that it still offers up practical and warm advice.

I just recently was introduced to this blog and I find it to be such a source of information and strength! I wanted to share this quote with anyone who might read this comment. It's by Rachel Corrie, a young activist who was killed in 2003 while volunteering in Gaza. Though I don't think Corrie was reflecting on the "to be or not to be single" question here, I find the meaning behind it extremely applicable to living an "unattached" life.

"What if our aloneness isn't a tragedy? What if our aloneness is what allows us to speak the truth without being afraid? What if our aloneness is what allows us to adventure - to experience the world as a dynamic presence - as a changeable interactive thing?"
- Rachel Corrie

I've always found a sense of empowerment in it.

Anyone who appreciates this blog should read a book called The Cinderella Complex by Collette Dowling. I read it every time I get upset by the fact that I don't have a guy to lean on like I used to. It talks about women's hidden fear of independence and reminds me that independence is one of the main things that I have valued and I don't want to give that up, even if it means staying single.

Being single isn’t the cause of loneliness, and marriage is not necessarily the cure. There are many lonely married people as well.

- Renee Jones

Not only do we need a Singles' Week, we need to be able to take time off for it too! LOL! When are the matrimaniacs of the world going to realize that WE outnumber THEM?

I hear you guys about the "double occupancy" thing. Why do I need two beds??? Hotels need to make single-bed rooms. (Of course if they did, they wouldn't be worth a penny, just like most studio and 1 bedroom apartments aren't).

I get sick of some dance classes that charge more for singles than people who go as partners. Like I'm going to pay for that? Screw them, they ain't gettin' my money! No sir-ree!

Bye-bye, Matrimania! Your time is up!