Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

Bella DePaulo is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a visiting professor at UC Santa Barbara. See full bio

Living Single

December 16, 2009

Should You Stay Home for the Holidays?

This year, consider staying home for the holidays. Try it - especially if you have never done it before. Try it, even if the thought makes you a bit uneasy - no, especially if it does. You never know what you might discover about people you only thought you knew, or what you might learn about yourself. Try it because Americans are all about reinvention. Even our "traditions" don't stand still. Read More

December 15, 2009

Remaking the Classics and Showing Some Love for Singles

The classics in books and movies, for everyone from little children to fully grown adults, are getting a remake, and much of the singlism has found its rightful place on the cutting room floor. My main goal in this post is to ask for your suggested revisions for the 40th anniversary edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves, but first the kids stuff.

December 12, 2009

Two Scholars Ask: What if Marriage Is Bad for Us?

Two sociologists argue that marriage is not traditional, it doesn't make you healthy or wealthy, it ends up involving more work than love, and leaves you more isolated than if you had stayed single. Read More

December 11, 2009

Another Longitudinal Study of Satisfaction

A Dutch study, similar to a German one, was just published. Some key results: Lifelong singles in both countries are, on the average, clearly on the happy end of the scale every year of their lives. Those who divorce experience lower levels of happiness, at least for a while, than continuously single people ever do. People who marry and stay married become happier at first but then, little by little, become less happy over time. The main difference is that in the Dutch group, that initial increase in happiness declines much more slowly than it does in the German group.

December 7, 2009

Men and Women Who Have Always Been Single Are Doing Fine

Here are the results of a nationally representative sample of people 40 and older who have always been single: Compared to currently married people (a select group of only those people who got married and stayed that way), they are doing just fine. Their psychological resources, such as personal mastery and self-sufficiency, are just as strong as married people's are. In some ways, their psychological resources serve them better. For example, single people who are very self-sufficient are less likely to experience negative feelings, whereas married people who like handling things on their own are more likely to experience negative feelings.

December 4, 2009

The Sweetest Love

A story on NPR describes "the sweetest love of all." Can you guess what that is? Plus: sitting next to strangers at dinner, a link to a Q & A with the producers of the cat-ladies film, and a link to a new section of the Alfred P. Sloan Work and Family Research Network on single workers.

December 1, 2009

Sashaying Solo into the White House State Dinner – and Much More

I'm far more impressed by two other legitimate guests at the White House state dinner - each sashayed solo into the festivities. Imagine doing that, amidst all the glitter and the cameras, and the hundreds of other guests, each clutching a partner. That, I think, takes real confidence and a sense of self. Also in this post: a single person's thanks, 10 tremendous singles, some jeers, and a few new singles-relevant sites.

November 23, 2009

Resisting Expectations During the Holidays and Every Day

When I posed the question, "Can your expectations shape my behavior," I had no idea how much the issue would resonate with readers. One after another, they shared their experiences of feeling boxed into a corner by other people's expectations of what they should want from their lives. There were so many telling discussions and suggestions that I just had to return to the topic.

November 19, 2009

Sarah Palin’s Lies [UPDATED]

Palin seems to love the effect her disingenuous pronouncements have on her audiences and so she just runs with them. Her fans adore her claims about "death panels" and about Obama supposedly "palling around with terrorists" and all the rest. Look at how they roar with approval and fervor when she tosses that red, bloody moose meat to them - how can the mere (non) truth-value of what she is saying ever compete with that? Plus, the fact that her taunts drive her detractors over the edge - well, that just adds to the fun!

November 18, 2009

The “Living Single” Attitude: Should Visitors to Dating Sites Run Into It?

I mostly like the thought of singles going to a dating site and finding articles that are, like Singled Out and Single with Attitude, myth-busting, consciousness-raising, totally unapologetic takes on single life. Maybe they will think about their lives in new ways. Sometimes, though, I see my articles side-by-side with stories about keeping your romantic partner excited about you and I just cringe.