Living Single

The truth about singles in our society.

Bella DePaulo is author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She teaches at UC Santa Barbara. See full bio

November 19, 2009

Sarah Palin’s Lies [UPDATED]

Palin seems to love the effect her disingenuous pronouncements have on her audiences and so she just runs with them. Her fans adore her claims about "death panels" and about Obama supposedly "palling around with terrorists" and all the rest. Look at how they roar with approval and fervor when she tosses that red, bloody moose meat to them - how can the mere (non) truth-value of what she is saying ever compete with that? Plus, the fact that her taunts drive her detractors over the edge - well, that just adds to the fun!

November 18, 2009

The “Living Single” Attitude: Should Visitors to Dating Sites Run Into It?

I mostly like the thought of singles going to a dating site and finding articles that are, like Singled Out and Single with Attitude, myth-busting, consciousness-raising, totally unapologetic takes on single life. Maybe they will think about their lives in new ways. Sometimes, though, I see my articles side-by-side with stories about keeping your romantic partner excited about you and I just cringe.

November 17, 2009

Will Our Voices Be Heard on the Pages of the Washington Post?

As part of America's Next Great Pundit Contest that I wrote about here, the editors at the Washington Post invited readers to submit questions to the final four pundits vying for the title. I was delighted that the Post chose the question I submitted to Courtney Martin about recognizing the voices of people who are not interested in marrying or having children. Here's my question and her answer.

November 15, 2009

Who’s Really Nuts, 20/20 or the ‘Crazy Cat Ladies’?

In a 20/20 segment on ‘crazy cat ladies,' the women who were profiled were portrayed as lonely, alienated, falling apart, disconnected, and shadowy. Oh, and they were all single.

November 13, 2009

Pundit Contest Marred by Cluelessness about Psychology

The Washington Post's quest for America's Next Great Pundit has been great populist fun. But it would have been even better if the people at the Post knew a thing or two about psychology.

November 11, 2009

Can Your Expectations Shape My Behavior?

Suppose I meet someone for the first time, let's say a man, who believes that single people are miserable and lonely and want nothing more than to become unsingle. He has no particular animus toward me or toward single people in general - he just expects single people to have certain emotions and motivations. Would he behave toward me any differently than if he did not have those beliefs? Specifically, might he somehow get me to behave in ways that are in keeping with his false expectations about what I'm really like?

November 6, 2009

Change Seats for a Couple? Here’s What Sherman Alexie Thinks

Celebrated author Sherman Alexie has been asked between 20 and 30 times to give up the seat he booked way in advance so a couple could sit together on the plane. Here is the brief and moving poem he wrote about it. If you are one who believes that you just don't "get" poetry, this particular exemplar just may inspire you to reconsider the genre.

November 5, 2009

What’s the #2 Thing a Restaurant Staffer Should Never Do?

The New York Times has been running a feature on the 100 things that the staff at restaurants should never do. That's a lot of things to avoid, including, for example, #21, "Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong" and #44, "Do not discuss your own eating habits." So what piece of advice was as close as possible to the top of the list, without actually being #1?

November 3, 2009

If You Can’t Fathom Single Life, Don’t Be a Therapist

The blogger seemed befuddled by the fact that the people in his psychotherapy group, who all said they wanted to be coupled, didn't seem to be trying very hard to make that happen. There's a possibility he did not recognize. Maybe there were some people in that group who really were not all that eager to be coupled, but didn't want to say so. Maybe they were not ready to admit it even to themselves. Consider that they are in a matrimaniacal society in which it is just assumed that everyone wants to be coupled. They are in a group led by a man who says about himself, "I was once between wives for about six minutes. I didn't like it at all." Now add to all that a scene in which the first few hands are going up (the fellow group members indicating that they want to be coupled), and what are you going to do? You raise your hand, too.

October 30, 2009

Nicky Grist: Single-Minded Change Agent

Nicky Grist, Executive Director of the AtMP, discusses her efforts to create a more just society for all single people. "Our work," she notes, "focuses on making it not matter whether a couple marries, or an individual remains single, or a family includes more than one or two adults. We think relationships are good for people, caring relationships are good for society, and society should treat caring relationships fairly based on what the people in them do for each other, not what they call each other." Don't miss her description of her most memorable experience as a single-minded change agent. Read More