Living It

The stress of life's ontological experiment

by Matthew Shanahan, M.Sc.

Valentine's Day for the True Romantic

Ignore the Glitz - Reclaim Valentine's - Dig Deep for True Love

Published on February 14, 2012 by Matthew Shanahan, M.Sc. in Living It

Valentine's Day for the True Romantic should be about doing the impossible for love. Or, as described in this blog before, one should at least strive for the somewhat improbable. Valentine's Day originated with Bishop Valentine being willing, in ancient Roman times, to marry the Emperor's soldiers in secret even though the Emperor had forbidden his soldiers to get married. Which state (married or unmarried) do you think makes for a better soldier? My sense is that the Emperor wanted a certain kind of soldier, rather than a ‘better' soldier. In my view, a commitment to love and honour one woman (or for a female soldier, one man) makes for a better soldier. Someone with something to live for is also someone with honour. Someone with honour will be a better soldier.

Why are we so jaded about a day for young lovers? I submit that it is because we have our fill of all the good things in life - we forget the goodness of the very best one: Love. Why has all the paraphernalia grown up around Valentine's Day? Pink hearts, chocolates, roses, romantic dinners, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I agree with the widespread disenchantment with these ‘extras'. They aren't the core of true romantic love. In a world, in a life, where these are easily obtainable they lose much of their meaning. I submit that Valentine's Day is romantic precisely when it is a different day than all the rest. If you are a dour, sour couple - then sweets are in order. However, if you have everything you need, treat each other pretty well, and have lots of other ‘special nights' throughout the year, maybe Valentine's Day is the time for something else. What is the modern day equivalent of sneaking out in the middle of the night to be legally married and blessed, despite the threat of death and the high likelihood of long separation? How do we get that back into Valentine's Day?

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A sparkling bathroom -- better than jewels?

My vote: Do something out of the ordinary. Rather, not out of the ordinary, but out of your ordinary. For your beloved, for your special someone, dare to go outside the box (of chocolates). Go outside what they would expect and do something demanding, difficult, or even trivial but noteworthy. I am a hopeless romantic the rest of the year, so that is, as they say, vieux jeu for me (roughly, ‘old hat'; literally, French for ‘old game'). One distinct possibility today: sneak home and do a few household chores that I typically avoid for weeks on end. In Gary Chapman's concept of "The 5 Love Languages", something I often fail to deliver on is called "Acts of Service" - doing something concrete and usually practical for your spouse. Other than that, be creative. If you usually do this or that thing that annoys your spouse - don't do it today (ex.: talk too much, or, escape and leave them alone). Surprise them by doing the most humdrum thing that you usually avoid but they would appreciate. Being a true lover doesn't mean sweets and flowers necessarily. It did in former times of scarcity when these were rare and hard to get. What is rare and hard to get these days? A true lover and beloved, that's what. A moment of honesty; a moment of emotional daring; a simple, meaningful sacrifice or compromise. Dig deep, don't be afraid. There are some ‘chocolates' waiting to be given deep inside any meaningful relationship. But they're not made of cocoa, petals, or jewels. They're made of courage, honesty, and loving kindness. They don't sell that in stores.