I Don't have depression but always enjoy your honesty which quiets me. Sincerely-David

I cannot express(well)what is going on
inside when my episodes come on. You can,
well done. visit my page and help me out
with the fundamentles of writing about
depression if you have a minute.
larry

I take comfort (my aspirin) in watching The Sopranos. Everything is simple in their world. Someone does something against them, they get "whacked." Bam, no questions asked. They get angry, they yell at the person they are angry with! No acting, pretending. Someone has cancer, they fall all over each other with caring embraces. But, if that someone wrongs them, they get "whacked." Bam, no questions asked. The simplicity of this program and the lives of its characters makes everything black and white. You know exactly how they will react; no pretensions! If we could only be more like them, perhaps we wouldn't be so depressed. When someone asks me, "are you okay?" I always answer "Yes, I'm fine." I don't want to make them feel bad or to know how truly horribly depressed I really am. Sometimes I wish I could just say, "I feel awful, I'm depressed, now get the hell away from me!" Maybe then I'd feel better.

It's rare for me to find an article online that I can relate to - whether I'm in the midst of an episode or on the top of my own world. At the worst of times, I can't even find my voice to ask for help. At the best of times, I feel off-balance, as if my thoughts are somehow just a little out of focus.
Music and video games help a lot. Spending hours on end in bed does not help, no matter how much my mind tries to convince me otherwise.

I guess it's just good to know that nobody who is depressed is dealing with a totally unique disorder.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I have suffered depression & anxiety for years. Yet I never thought of my going into the 'depressive period' & anxiety at the same time- but it's true for me. I'm there right now & there is a constant restlessness & of course, the negative thinking.
I'm going to try & find a few fixes that relieve the 'symptoms' if but for an hour- that's a great idea. It's funny how things that worked in the past no longer work- crochet & knitting rythmns used to help alot. Not now.
Thanks for the insight

Having had many episodes over the past 15 years and adjusting my meds every 6 months, I can empathize. I have found that it helps to turn this fuzzy, cloudy feeling into a concrete enemy. I call mine "the beast." Instead of fighting against thin air, I can image this beast that needs returned to its cage and quieted. It is not easy nor does it give any faster relieve but at least the enemy has a face and some form.

A secondary advantage is that all I have to say to my wife is that the beast has returned and at what level-a few words spoken with lots of meaning.

Thank you for being able to accurately articulate the mindset of a depressive "episode.' You've captured in words the feelings that take place for me as well.

You describe it perfectly, I refer to it as a black cloud. My blanket is Buffy the Vampire Slayer of all things.

Not wonder why you're depressed...you hate dogs and the only animals you like are on your plate!

Well one could of course put the dogs on the plate.. but would that not be more disagreeable?

For me the depression is compounded by the complete inability to get anything done. I can barely muster the energy and concentration levels to stare at walls or the ceiling. Like the original author, I spend endless hours flitting through the TV channels or playing solitaire on the PC. I can only be grateful I live alone. I battle to live with myself during these episodes, the thought of inflicting them on others is too horrible to contemplate.

The dog story is hellaciously funny. I busted up laughing several times. Thanks. I understand though because in an hour or so I may cycle into a depression from hell and it won't be funny at all. I have been doing this cycling business for 17 years. You think I would be in shape but no. I start ECT next week. My first. Was recommended long ago because antidepressants cause me mania and the mood stabilizers are marginal and not tolerated at dosing needed. Cycle anyway. My life is like being on your period 28 days out of 30. Most days I live like my daughter's dogs. Lay around all day, eat and sleep. I relate more to the dwarf chocolate lab mutt we call Pig instead of the happy go lucky golden retriever we call Flip.
Read in The Week magazine today about an article in Psychology Today magazine that says positive affirmations made depressed people worse because they don't believe it. I kept telling my therapist it made me feel worse.
Laughing at myself makes me feel good even if it is self deprecating.
I hope your feeling better. I do.

I am.. suffering, myself, from depression and anxiety (amongst other things.) Although i'm only eighteen, for the past six months I have been in my own isolated world. I've always assumed myself different, dealing with emotional instability, coping issues, and borderline personality. Only recently have I found myself in a serious downward spiral. The difference in me started.. after I overdosed on a prescribed drug (for insomnia) called Ambien. One night I found myself.. extremely low; I just wanted to "get high and forget," one pill led to another and another, and I wound up taking twice the lethal dose and waking up in the hospital. I was then admitted to a Psychiatric ward for the second time in my short life, and was released a week later. I am.. very persuasive and manipulative. Or.. I used to be. I was always outgoing, down to earth, great at helping others.. a kind of "Psychotic Psychologist." Deep, intuitive, cerebral, and with a bright future.
It seems that all of my insecurities have caught up with me. I'm not sure if I have permanent brain damage from the overdose, but I find it hard to concentrate, think even, and especially remember.. Often I don't speak for fear of being judged, or for having forgotten the words before they escape my mouth. I have become quite, subdued, and .. hopeless. I have forgotten how to interact with my peers, how to be confident, how to learn, how to go about basic living. My drive is lost. And I feel.. almost disabled, so unlike myself that it brings me to tears most days that I can't seem to pick myself back up - change. I simply don't know how. I simply can't remember.
What's harder .. is I stress these issues to the friends I DO have, and the people that can offer me help, and nothing consoles me. I feel that this world is as indifferent as I am, and just as lost in their own cause. I look at people.. and I feel strong for who I was. I see the lives I touched, and know that I was sincere in my ways, and a great help to society and those around me. It is so painful to watch.. as I wither from a distance, and am unable to speak, to move, to exist along beside those I care for. It hurts, and I feel that no one really understands - if it were any other way, maybe I could have a companion that would also share with me the burden of depression, and of other psychological issues. It seems no medication, no amount of therapy, or love can cure this illness I carry.
If I could have anything in the world.. it would be to remember, to never lose myself again.

My teenage daughter suffers from severe depression. When she is at her lowest, she finds distraction in a video game - Test Drive. Although all she could do was watch as her dad played it, they logged 10 hours a day driving virtually around Hawaii.

I think she was able to take comfort in the fact that she knew nothing bad would happen so she could at least feel safe while the game was running. Depression not only makes us fear the worst, it convinces us that the worst is inevitable. Like a dog show, the video game had no serious consequences and that was what she needed. As Douglas Adams put it "Mostly Harmless".