Liking the Child You Love

How to build a better relationship with your kids—even when they're driving you crazy.

Turn on Your Woman without Spending a Cent!

Men, if you want to really please the woman in your life, leave your wallet in your pocket and try doing this. Read More


... you will just have to live with less sex then, 'cause you WILL do your half of the household chores!

Ignorant article

Agree with comments above.

Research has shown the exact opposite. The author adds nothing other than his own misguide, ill-informed opinion. Just spreading misinformation/fallacy.

Thanks so much for your comments

I want to thank the readers who responded to my recent post. From the Scientific American Article that's been referenced..."The study has its skeptics. Its data were gathered between 1992 and 1994, making demographer Sharon Sassler of Cornell University wonder about their relevance today. “In the past two decades,” she says, “who gets married has changed considerably.” Today most couples cohabit before marrying, and a large proportion of the women in those couples, Sassler argues, are not satisfied doing a disproportionate share of so-called women's housework. According to Sassler, frequently those couples do not marry, making the set of couples who would qualify for the NSFH today profoundly different from the set in 1992."

I hope that the reference from the study of the sample from 20 years ago, which was met with some well-articulated skepticism, will not sway men from sharing equally in domestic chores.

I will mention that in my 23 years of clinical practice, where I have worked closely with many women, married or in co-habitating relationships, I have never heard a complaint of being turned off by their partner sharing domestic chores too often. On the contrary, exhausted women who feel the brunt of domestic labor heaped on them often see their partners as selfish and uncaring, and are much less willing to engage in sexual activities with them.

not a valid criticism

The argument that this study is invalid because it's 20 years old is weak, weak, weak. Most of the important studies in psychology are much older than that. Human nature has not changed in the past 20 years, and even culture hasn't changed that much.

About 2/3 of women are sexually submissive, while 1/4 are switches, and less than 10% are dominant. In contrast, 1/2 of heterosexual men are dominant, 1/4 are switches, and 1/4 are submissive. (I wish I could find the reference for this, but I'm having trouble locating it.)

This means that a man is not going to appeal sexually to MOST women by submissive behavior. Read any romance novel (if you can stomach it) and you won't find the hero seducing the heroine by doing housework. He seduces her by being forceful and aggressive.

Of course women like it and appreciate it when their husband/partner shares housework. But this is not going to turn a woman on sexually. Most women aren't aware of this distinction, however, and that's why none have ever complained that they're turned off by it.

What the guy in your story really did to turn off his wife was most likely lying in bed naked and expecting her to 'take' him sexually. Although most men would be thrilled to come into the bedroom and find their wife naked and receptive, women don't tend to see it that way. Most women want to be actively seduced and pursued.

Looking forward to reading your next post

Well, Doc, you know very well that no woman -when asked- would admit upfront to fantasizing of being with a more dominant, take-charge, rugged kind of man- out of the fear of being labelled by the society as promiscuous. In fact, some women can even take this, hidden desire to extreme- to the point of having traumatic experiences that we would assume no woman with her sane mind could come near of. Why do you think that rape fantasies are so common among women? Another fellow has written:

Again, not to condone violence, but it is obvious that women enjoy it more when we implement the kind of division of labor the nature had intended us to implement, which compels men to take charge and lead both inside and outside of home- even between the sheets. This is why, I think, women whose husbands earn less and don't qualify as the main breadwinner of the home, report low marriage satisfaction.

Not just the nature, women as well want men to claim the social position that men were born to assume. Therefore, in my opinion, a man sharing domestic tasks with her woman -especially in equal manner- can never be in a position of respect and admiration.

Not quite right..

... in fact, most of us would pick up arms - rather than go back to a society where men claim "ownership" over the roles they themselves want to be "natural" for them - and where women are set back to following men and doing their laundry.

Yeah, "you can take our lives - but you'll never take our freedom" (EVER AGAIN!) - and all that jazz...

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Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., has authored four books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.


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