For a happier relationship, turn to yourself—not your partner. Read More
"Toxic thoughts such as, "You are totally selfish!", or "Everything always has to be about you!" erode empathy and destroy love."
But you know what? Sometimes such thoughts are an objective reflection of reality and aren't toxic at all. For example, I buy my spouse a fabulous getaway for his 50th birthday, and for my 45th he gets me...nothing, because he has just bought himself a new bike and has no money left over. We go on vacation, we go where he wants to go, never where I'd like to visit. Should I assert myself and ask to deviate from his rigid itinerary to visit something I'd like to see, he throws an adult tantrum and makes me pay for my transgression with days of him being pissy. And on and on, example after example, year after year. His way or the highway -- so I hit the road. And now I'm happy.
I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious problems with my husband and we had been dating for 1 year, He just suddenly changed, He wasn't returning my calls, He started cheating, He was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try this spell caster called Dr Saibaba, I decided to contact him to please render his help to me, I explained all the problems that i was going through to him and he told me all i needed to do to get this spell casted. At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, Their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little. I did what he ask me to do and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle, everything went to a whole new direction, it was and is amazing. I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day.I hope they could help other people too like they did to me. I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for, My husband, My family and my life back You can contact Dr Saibaba at, firstname.lastname@example.org
We bloggers are taught to use catchy titles to snag rapid scanners attention, all well and good. However, it perpetuates one of my pet grips: the myth that others know a secret I don't and all I have to to is know that secret and what I want, in this case a "happy relationship" will magically be mine.
What if the author say, "Well in effect, there is no secret, just hard work," the reader says, "That's no fun and certainly not very magical or exciting." They stop reading and learn nothing.
What is the secret to flying a big jet airliner? There is none. Just lots of hard, long hours learning skills of safe piloting.
Same with marriage, couples and relationships: no secrets, just constant focus on using good communication and relationship skills.
What I took from this article was that all the finger-pointing gets the relationship nowhere. If I have a problem with something my partner does, then that problem is my own. Before trying to correct what my partner's doing "wrong," I should reflect and understand what my role is in the dynamic.
Focus and communication are necessary, but more effective if directed internally.
The author didn't use the word "secret" in the title of his article. It states right in the title that it's something for you to "learn"...no magic involved. Regardless of it being "one thing", he wasn't lying - he says it's looking inward, not focusing on our SO to make us happy.
I don't feel the title was misleading at all.
We bloggers are taught to use catchy titles to snag rapid scanners attention, all well and good. However, the use of the word "secrets" perpetuates one of my pet grips: the myth that others know something I don't and all I have to to is know that secret and what I want, in this case a "happy relationship" will magically be mine.
Avoid things like "always" and "never" isn't only for couples it's for anyone. Being black or white makes people want to reply "i don't always or sometimes i do..." wich is defensive. It's better to say "often" or something like that, and express what you need and not only what the other "should" do without giving explanations
this is an article that talked a lot, but actually said nothing.
is that it's not just a matter of hard work and commitment. It takes a certain type of personality to make a relationship work in the long run, and some people are just not suited for that. It's easy to label people selfish or uncaring, but not everybody gets their fulfillment - or even worse, validation - from being bound to another. Or at least the same other year after year after year. Especially the male of the species, acting under an evolutive imperative to "go forth and replicate your genes"...
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Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., has authored four books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?