Liking the Child You Love

How to build a better relationship with your kids—even when they're driving you crazy.

The Two Real Causes of Misery

As a psychologist who has worked with individuals, couples, and families for over twenty years, and being a fellow human being with my own vulnerabilities, I have learned that there are two causes of misery:

1) Overly wanting what you don't have, and, 2) Overly NOT wanting what you already have.

I really believe that it comes down to those two reasons why we become miserable. Read More

Thank you for this short, but

Thank you for this short, but very full and insightful article! I thought much of what you said resonated with me. I appreciate your insights because it helps me look at my own problems objectively and also gain a different perspective.

Also, so sorry to hear that your fiancée has cancer. I will pray she will continue to battle and beat this disease. Merry Christmas.

Scientifically Incorrect!

The way we think is highly responsible for the way we feel. Sometimes we can think of how it could be worse for us and that may relieve some or all of our stress. There are many ways to turn painfully negative thoughts into positive thoughts. (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy works to do this.) However, everyone has emotional limits just as they have physical limits. You cannot jump as high as the moon and I cannot keep my brain from shutting down in response to stress so that I can't study and learn a darn thing. (Pseudo-dementia.) You are failing to take mental illnesses into account. One with clinical depression has to struggle terribly to take control of their feelings that are altered by chemical imbalances in the brain. But treatment can't consist solely of counseling. To have a "normal" life or a life they can tolerate, many people with bipolar or depression, for example, are forced to take medication, possibly for the rest of their lives. Meaning no offense, I think this is a really shallow article.

Actually the real cause of

Actually the real cause of any and all misery is to want what we cannot change under the context of all we have and can do at that particular time.

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Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., has authored four books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.


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