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Our children need to know how to cope when they face hard times. One way for them to cope is by gaining the ability to draw support and strength from close relationships. Our relationships help us to feel not so alone in a world that is increasingly very complex and at times very overwhelming. No doubt about it, drawing support from others, and not feeling so alone, is a powerful means to face adversity.
As my fiancee, Oi Yin, writes to her children in her message below, there is immense value that comes from having connections with family and friends. Oi Yin and her two children are facing major adversity at this time. She is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer and also a widow. Her inspirational message to her children on this blog, is the fifth in her continued attempts to prepare them to cope with life in the event that she is no longer with them. These blogs that I write with Oi Yin essentially contains her ethical will to both of her children, Derek, age 7 and Sienna, age 10. (Please scroll to the bottom for the previous, chronologically ordered links my blog entries with messages from Oi Yin).
Stay Aware and Prepared and You Won't Stay Alone
We all have heard of famous, well known people who tragically feel isolated and alone. Let's be clear that feeling lonely is different from being alone, though the two can certainly overlap. You may feel lonely while attending a crowded party. Yet you probably will not feel lonely when feeling connected to and understood by others who care about you.
For most people, knowing they have loved ones and friends "in their corner" helps to ensure solid emotional health. We may want the richness that we get from those special, close feelings with others to just keep coming to us automatically. However, that it is not reality.
It is actually important to teach our children, as Oi Yin does so eloquently below, that it takes work to manage and nourish our relationships. All satisfying relationships require sharing ourselves and enjoying wonderful warmth and closeness we feel in return. Even when there are conflicts and pain, those close relationships we treasure just become stronger. This helps us feel not so alone and much stronger when facing hard times.
Message To My Children
Sienna and Derek,
Do you remember the days of preschool when I would drop you off at the car loop? As you walked into the school with your teachers, I would blow you each a kiss and tell you to catch it and tuck it in your pockets just in case you need it during the day. Do you also recall our night time talks about one of the things you can do if you ever miss Daddy and me? Simply place your hands on your hearts and be certain that we are forever right there.
I don't know of anyone in this world who don't experience some level of loneliness from time to time. Therefore, I hope that you can allow yourselves that feeling from time to time. Acknowledge it, express it, and then place your hands on your hearts, look to each other, your family, and friends. You will realize that you are surrounded by deep love and care. You are not alone!
Sienna, you have Derek! Derek, you have Sienna! Mama strongly urge you to hold on to this very important fact. Having each other will always be a constant in your lives. When I was a preteen and sibling rivalry was well and alive in our household, I remember vividly Grandpa (Gon Gon) being upset with our bickering and saying that one day in our adulthood, we would need and have to lean on each other. When we feel like the world can't be trusted or we need help, the most emotionally safe and reliable place to go is to our siblings. In Grandpa's wisdom, he couldn't have been more accurate. Blood runs thicker than water. My brothers and sister have been unconditional in their love and support for me. I'm glad that you got to witness this when Daddy passed away and with me battling cancer. You are not alone!
Family and true friends will stick by you through thick and thin. They are loyal, protective, reliable, patient, honest, loving, and supportive. Mama hopes that you will confidently know that you are worthy of family and great friends. They will celebrate with you through the good times and persevere with you through the rough patches. Therefore, you are not alone!
Mama assures you that you are surrounded by an incredible support system. If you lean into it, it will be tried and tested that you are not alone!
Below are the links of the past blogs that contain Oi Yin's previous messages to her children:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201006/fa…
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201006/kn…
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201005/mo…
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201005/my…
