Lifetime Connections

Exploring women's relationships in families and friendscapes

Friends Don't Let Friends Feel Bad

Friends are supposed to be bring joy to our lives, but sometimes they seem to suck every bit of pleasure out of the relationship. What's the best way to respond? Read More

I have a friend who I think

I have a friend who I think may be bi polar, she often disses me and makes fun of me either because of my weight or my life style choices. I'm curvy and she is quite thin,but i'm not over weight at all i'm actualy a size 6 and she is a 0. She always makes comments about how fat I am and they are hurtful and whenever I try to tell her this she stops for a little while then starts again, she is at most times realy sweet and she is very helpful, I just don't understand what comes over her sometimes,what should I do?

YOU NEED TO LET HER

YOU NEED TO LET HER GO...BECAUSE SHE "CERTAINLY" IS NOT A FRIEND. REAL AND TRUE FRIENDS DON'T SAY THOSE KINDS OF THINGS TO YOU. YOUR A SIZE 6 AND SHE TELLS YOU YOUR FAT? SERIOUSLY?? I WAS ANOREXIC FOR YEARS. ""PLEASE""...DISCONTINUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP """""NOW"""""! SHE IS TOXIC POISOIN!!!

internal solution

The face we project to the public, usually comes back to us in the form of different individuals. As we age, we hopefully learn to "put into the universe" what we want to come back. As to the two variations, number two sounds like a candidate for depression therapy. Common sense and a strong self image and sense of worth will do the most to neutralize the issue described in this article. Be discriminate of who is allowed to use your time.

Tell her she has to stop

Tell her she has to stop doing it. She is your friend and that is unacceptable. Maybe someone kept saying that to her and she thinks it is acceptable, maybe she is just insecure and makes her feel more in secure in her own life to make herself feel better than you are by putting you down, maybe giving "advice" gives her a feeling of superiority and therefore in control of her own life to be in a position to give advice when she reakky doesn't believe she is, maybe she actually does think she is superior and knows best for you, maybe she is just a biatch. either way it is unacceptable and if you can communicate why you don't like it and ask her why she does it, knee jerk reaction would be she is doing for your benefit/ worried about you/ etc, say it doesn't and why it doesn't and then you will be able to give her the opportunity to consider maybe it is something about herself she is unhappy with, and give her the opportunity to not be such a biatch. Communicating with her is the only chance you really have of finding out why though.

toxic friends

I simply dont have any. Being toxic is walking papers. That said i dont think a friend that bitches a bit about work or wut ever is toxic. Its about general frame o mind. We all slip, and when they do i like to be there to tug em right back up, just like i appreciate when they do the same for me. I dont know how exactly but this has generally attracted all these amazing folks into my circles.

I have a friend who isn't

I have a friend who isn't there for me at all and is constantly putting me down. I have bipolar disorder and she has only ever informed me that I should 'get over it' and I am looking for attention. I have never actually spoken to her about it she has just decided that I am out of order. I also cannot afford to go on her expensive hen party for which she has told people I am useless and berated me in front of a large group of people. She is a friend of my partners and previously decided she didn't like another friend of ours and now none of their group of friends speak to the other friend. I am worried that this will happen to me if I say anything and my partner will be angry. I have no idea what to do, but this is really stressing me out.

Friends and Yes Men.

I have 3 really good friends that are pleasant people with a high moral code. I am fortunate to have them as a means of appraisal of myself. I am fortunate that at times they are supportive cheerleaders and I am also thankful that they have enough integrity to call me out on potentially poor decisions and unacceptable indiscretions. They make me a better person and do not simply tell me what I want to hear but at times what I need to hear.

I have witnessed too many times groups of people being supportive and empathic of one anothers' BAD BEHAVIOR and justifying said behavior. That is a horrible thing that perpetuates societal dischord and elitism.

I am fortunate.

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Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, is a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University.
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