Lifetime Connections

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Who Gets Lucky in Love and How You Can Join Them

Bringing good fortune into your life is easier than you might think.
Craig Dowden, Ph.D .
This post is a response to Why You Should Believe in Luck by Craig Dowden, Ph.D.

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Most of us have a friend or two who seem to be consistently content with their lot in life, liberally forgiving of others’ shortcomings, and generally able to find the silver lining or “the good thing” in a bad situation or relationship. Those friends or family members also seem to fall into one of two camps. First are those who simply cannot “see” or perceive the truth of their circumstances or their relationship’s cracks and defects. They might be the ones about whom the adage, “love is blind,” was first spoken.

The second camp includes the eternal optimists who look past the immediate situation or character flaw or can put it into perspective without allowing it to become the barometer by which they measure their life’s climate or their friends’ or partners’ worthiness. Far from being “blind,” these individuals acknowledge that while life is seldom fair, they can still appreciate the positive aspects of their situations. They can see small positives as “gifts” in their relationships. They are able to magnify the positive and minimize the negative in life. Now this is a lucky happenstance.

Who Gets Lucky?

Research on “lucky people” indicates that the “luckiest” people are those who actively seek to make their own luck. We might describe as “lucky” people who find a $20 bill on the street, get the last item at a great sale, or make the right decision at the right time in a relationship. What separates these folks from those of us who may not consider ourselves as lucky?

Turns out, the people who find money on the street are the very ones who are most likely to be looking for the odd $20 bill blowing along in a parking lot or by the curb. Have you ever felt lucky to make a break before a relationship turned sour? Most likely, you were attuned or open to signals that there was trouble brewing. We are all highly sensitive creatures, on many levels. We learn about our five senses in elementary school (and our “sixth sense” from the SyFy channel) but the truth is that when all of our senses are interacting with the computer that is our brain, we are able to “know” things exponentially more fully.

When we dream of enhancing our likelihood of being “lucky in love” and “lucky in life,” it is essential that we recognize that we really do have the power to make our own luck. However, we must first recognize the relationship state we seek – bliss can be delightful, but it seldom is a permanent condition. Moments of joy are to be treasured, but not when they are counterpointed by stretches of despair or heartache or doubt. Being able to recall the moments and relationships that were the most satisfying – whether a close friendship or a romantic attachment – will help us set the bar and outline the parameters of what we need from the significant relationships in our lives.

Being confident that we deserve the best from others and that we deserve to find happiness will raise our chances of being lucky in these pursuits. All of us can be more likely to see that $20 bill on the curb once we raise our awareness that it might actually be there. Lucky people create opportunities in which they can come away as winners. Sure, there are some who enjoy a run of “dumb luck,” when unexpectedly positive things occur in their lives. But it takes more than dumb luck to make a relationship work. It takes self-awareness and self-confidence as well as a bit of self-promotion. You need to be able to recognize when something good shows up in your life, appreciate your good fortune in recognizing its value, and be willing to do what needs to be done to keep the worthy relationship afloat.

Luck is knowing what you need, knowing when you’ve found it, and being invested enough to cherish and protect relationships worth keeping. Luck isn’t dumb or blind. It’s a synthesis of senses engaging and interacting. Increasing your luck is certainly an achievable goal, but first you must believe that something good is out there waiting for you to discover.

Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, is a licensed counselor and professor at Northern Illinois University.
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