Any decision to overcome fear must be accompanied by a realistic assessment of resources, risk, and a rational decision about whether the outcome is worth the hazard. Sometimes, as in battle, there is little time to think. The choice to throw oneself on a grenade to save people nearby may be a reflex, but one born of a commitment previously undertaken.
Most acts that we think of as courageous are the product of some reflection. The passengers on United Flight 93 on Sept. 11 had time to contemplate their predicament. They had news of other airliners being flown into buildings and so came to understand their certain fate if they did nothing. Within minutes they were able to make the decision to fight to gain control of the cockpit and organize themselves to confront the hijackers. Their telephone conversations with people on the ground reveal both fear and a determination to try to save themselves.
Few of us are likely to be confronted with such life-threatening decisions. The fears with which we face are, in general, long-term and involve questions related to how to find meaningful work, how to take care of each other, how to figure out whom to love, how to meet our obligations to those who depend on us, how to cope with the depredations of age, and, finally, how to face our mortality.
Few of us are taught in any systematic way about the importance of these tasks, much less how to accomplish them. Instead the culture is oriented toward distraction and entertainment and preoccupied with safety. Honesty as a value is honored more in the breach than in the observance. Stories of people returning found money are much less numerous than those that illustrate the many ways we have developed to take advantage of one other.
The process of being elected to office, especially high office, is driven by relentless ambition and routinely involves fraud and dissembling. An honest politician has become an oxymoron. The worst form of dishonesty, hypocrisy, is at once an object of our contempt and accepted as an occupational hazard among those who would deceive us for power or profit. The widespread cynicism that this reality produces undermines the trust essential to any political system that depends on the consent of the governed.
Of all the phenomena that have come to characterize the American political process, the rise of disrespect, even hatred, displayed by those who disagree on matters of religion or politics is perhaps the most ominous development. Some characterize this as a decline in "civility," but it is more than that. The attribution of ill will or a lack of patriotism to one's opponents bespeaks a loss of faith in our ability to listen to, learn from, and compromise with each other. Ignorance, anger, and fear are co-existing traits that have come to distort the public discourse leading to all manner of conspiracy theories and delusional beliefs. Science itself is discounted in arguments over things like evolution and climate change. When we abandon the scientific method as a way of understanding the world, we take leave of reason and any assertion, no matter how crazy, can become a fixed belief.
Nature itself is intolerant of stupidity. If one is disoriented in the wilderness or lost at sea, survival depends on an ability to navigate and find food. We may be insulated from such harsh reality by the conveniences of modern life and the proximity of the nearby supermarket, but we are still in danger of losing our way individually and as a society if we lose the capacity to listen to each other and act in a way that benefits all.
We cannot allow ourselves to be lied to, or worse, engage in a process of self-deception. In psychotherapy I am continually confronted with this problem. I point out to people that there are many things about ourselves that we believe that turn out not to be true. As examples, I cite the "three-great lies" that nearly all of us tell ourselves: I'm a good driver; I have a good sense of humor; I'm a good judge of character. That these are characteristics that we all share is evidently not true. Yet each of us clings to the belief that we are the exception.
We need each other if we are to construct a courageous society. As long as we are not alone there is nothing that we cannot face. And we are never out of options. In the desperation of the concentration camps of World War II, the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl concluded that "the last human freedom is the ability to choose the attitude with which we meet our fate."
Courage begins with understanding. If we learned to be more honest with ourselves about our strengths and our failings, perhaps we would be in a position to demand more from those we choose to lead us. Here is the truth: we are all fallible and none of us is selfless (some of us have even made a virtue of selfishness). No one has all the answers and we all deserve tolerance for our shortcomings. But we need to be as truthful with ourselves as we can be so that we can demand honesty and forbearance from those we select to make decisions about the common good.
