It is time we saw ourselves like that too.
This column continues a tradition at Today’s Caregiver Magazine and will be dedicated to the professional caregiver who is burning out by a very challenging situation; the “Clinical Sandwich Generation.” I lived the "clinical sandwich" this year. I am, a professional who co founded and ran an organization for caregivers while being a primary caregiver for a family member for the past year, as well.
Caregivers are professionals working twice as hard for half the resources in a recessionary environment where the last thing “the organizations we hail from” are cooperating, supporting or promoting our health and wellness. And you thought that the Sandwich Generation meant Kids, parents and grandparents?
Are you a social worker, doctor, nurse, tech, clergy member, CNA or employed caregiver of any kind? Are you also impacted by the emotional roller coaster of caring for a loved one?
For professionals, this is an entirely different “sandwich” to eat; the peanut butter is our clients and the jelly is those we take care of in our personal lives. We are “Friendly First Responders” for our clients and Family First Responders™ for our own family members. We are caught in the middle of a Cat 3 storm. Our choice is whether we want to be caught standing on one leg or two as the winds whirl around us.
Yes, the professional brings to the Sandwich generation its own dilemma of dealing with the pain of helping their clients with the pain that we are so challenged to help our own loved ones. What a recipe for disaster if we are not aware! There is no group of people out there that must “walk the walk” and not just “talk the talk.”
Professionals who also are family caregivers simultaneously have a true conundrum. They are burning out while facilitating their clients from their own burnout. What a daily irony.
They are impacted by secondary traumatic stress, simply by “bearing witness” to pain at their jobs and then” bearing witness” to the pain of their own families. Professional caregivers are being paid to be the hero at work while going home to a feeling of powerlessness at home.
It is a group that is growing huge and suffer from Mother Theresa syndrome; being up for Sainthood while still feeling a parallel sense of vulnerability. I know as I ran a national organization, caregiver tele communication network and spearheaded post caregiving research to change the consciousness of this country while at the same time being a family caregiver. The only empathy we can expect and receive is from our own personal therapists, coaches, support groups and loving family and true friends; and thankfully ourselves.
For the professional caregiver we must realize that we have to be our first own true friend. No one else will step into that role. By being a friend to ourselves, we must recognize that we are vulnerable and take care of ourselves, a day at a time. We must learn to love ourselves by making the only choice and that is to “bear witness” to our own pain and take action to deal with it with tender loving care; mind, body and soul. We must learn the difference between being a perfect hero or a trained and boundaried professional “doing the best we can.”
The first care we must provide is to ourselves otherwise life will surely become unbearable. The first aid we must bring to caring for our own Mind Body and souls is:
1) Finding our own therapist. Do not pass go! Do not collect $200. Begin finding yourself.
2) Finding true friends who allow us to “be” rather than “do.” You know who I am talking about.
3) Treat ourselves the way we wish the world would treat our clients; no different; no way!
4) Advocate for ourselves the way we advocate for our own clients.
Feel free to write me and share your experiences. They have provided me the e-mail address drjamie@caregiver.com. And, of course, if you are a "caregiver in recovery" please go to www.caregiversinrecovery.com as well.
I am looking forward to assisting this team in inspiring and creating a community of self supporting love Today’s Caregiver Magazine. Whether you are a family member or a professional caregiver, come and join us at Today's Caregiver Magazine www.caregiver.com.
If it helps at all, you are my hero! We look forward to joining the wonderful Team at Today's Caregiver Magazine and bringing a "Clinical Sandwich CEU" workshop to you, as well.
Peace & Serenity,
Dr. Jamie, LCSW
Jamie Huysman, Psy.D., L.C.S.W., C.A.P., is a caregiving and addiction expert and co-author of the book Take Your Oxygen First.
How to handle difficult people.
