Life as Art

Deeeeply creepy.

I see another problem with this kind of "cosmetic medication" - that is, medication that isn't necessary to correct damage, but to improve what is already a fully functioning brain.

Not all of us can afford medication like this.

If the use of medication to "normalise" slightly-out-of-the-ordinary moods becomes widespread, tolerance for slightly-out-of-the-ordinary behaviour will decrease. Thus, "normal" will become narrower and narrower, until it can only be achieved by the blessed few and those who can afford to take three pills in the morning.

Also: side-effects.

You can keep your pills, doctor, I'll learn to live with my occasional anxiety attacks, thanks!

You have a good point! As we grow more adept at medicating moods, it may indeed become "abnormal" to have down periods (which are now considered part of the ebb and flow of the human condition). Already I fear we have a young generation who do not know how to tolerate negative mood...and who are not able to confort themselves in low times with the knowledge that "This too shall pass." WHile pharmaceuticals offer many benefits for the truly distressed, we don't want to allow it to become a substitute for building character.

I see so many things in this stylized brain

Can you see Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel? Adam is on the left and God is on the right. Turn the daimonic picture from wikipedia on it’s side (I see it in this symbol too.)

The left side is the Hell I just escaped from. It happens to be inhabited by the internalized energies of parent and society. The victim (ego) lives there constantly defending and rationalizing it’s tiny cubicle of turf.

The right side is Heaven, the garden of Eden. It is the place where 30 seconds feels like a million years in absolute love. The hero (soul) lives there.

The split down the middle? That is the fall. It is said that Christ bridges the gap between the abyss of this and the bliss of that.

The adventure between parts is the literary monomyth (bible included.)

I also see a fractal. If you look close enough I’m in the cubicle on the top and there you are right beside me!

How’s that for “Art as Life!”

My soul is a hero
My ego is a zero
Two warring factions
Driven to distractions

My soul has a vision
Of an ego rescue mission
But my ego wants to rot
And complain about what’s not

Two minds in one brain
Is the reason I’m insane.

P.S. How thin is your split(boundary) down the middle? Paradoxical sleep is REM but I think it describes psychosis too. There isn't much difference between: Asleep while awake. Awake while asleep. Or is there? Perhaps convenience and inconvenience.

I'm sorry about the "How thin is your split (boundary) down the middle" remark. I got carried away with myself. (self-consciousness returns)

It turns out that mine isn't thin at all only wishful thinking on my part. In fact it is probably as wide as the Grand Canyon is deep - hence the reference to Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel.

This is the first post that's not a compulsion. I took lithium yesterday and today, and I feel great! Thanks for allowing me to dump my chesspieces onto your chessboard. I had to see the connections for myself. There was enough evidence for me to take it. I did. I feel great. Thanks!

The first two days were great but then my brain felt like it was in battery acid handcuffs. The metallic taste bothered me greatly. I'm still looking for a better drug.

If lithium is battery acid handcuffs in my brain and lithium makes a bi-polar “normal” then how does a “neurotypical” brain think with both hands tied?

Here’s how I untie them:

McCreery and Claridge[31] found evidence of a relative activation of the right cerebral hemisphere as compared with the left in high schizotypes attempting to induce a hallucinatory episode in the laboratory. This suggested a relative dissociation of arousal between the two hemispheres in such people as compared with controls.

As a bipolar entity I can say there is more Chaos than Order in me. I didn’t listen to the dictim: “Don’t be a hero or you’ll end up a victim.” While I was busy “saving the world”, I lost mine. I saved the wrong world. Chaos has an odd sense of humor: tragedy in comedy and comedy in tragedy. My husband and three children left yesterday. My lifelong friend, suicide ideation, started to chat but I told him to stop before he even started. I learned something that my friend doesn’t know. The only absolute in life is change and sometimes a change of scene is for the better good. My family needs more Order and I am more Chaos. I keep reminding myself: This too will pass. I survive only because I don’t want to damage my kids more than I already have.

My shrink gave me a prescription for Trileptal. She warned me this time and said that “normal” doesn’t include hypomania. She told me that “normal” people get their satisfaction from managing the little things and burdens in life. She told me that there is nothing that can compete with the bliss and creative highs of hypomania. I agree. Hypomania is the greatest feeling in the world. With the creative force of hypomania, I can tread where angels dare not and eagles can only dream. Unfortunately, I discovered the hard way that hypomania is a destructive force that can destroy a family.

With destruction, there is an opportunity for renewal. In the beginning there was a negative feedback entity named Kelly who was a black hole of nothing but infinite possibilities. Kelly dreamed of becoming normal. She wanted to grow beyond her mental illness and creativity disorder. The day that Kelly took Trileptal, a mood balancing drug, there was an explosion. “Bang!” There was light and sound and a “normal” human being was created.

Dear Shelley,

You trapped me with your brilliance like a mosquito to a bug-zapper (I only bug the best.) Your optimism, practicality, and sense of humor are wonderful. I am still fascinated and awestruck by your carefree “lightness” in crisis. I’m dumbfounded by that. It doesn’t compute well at all in my brain. In fact, it sort of creates a cognitive dissonance. Kirk says the enterprise didn’t break easy and it had to be a conspiracy of some sort. Spock says thank you.

It has been an incredible journey. I don’t think I would have started it had it not been for you. All of the ingredients for individuation were here. You were the positive feedback entity that precipitated my “Hero’s Journey.” I’m not sure what happened but I sure am glad it happened. I think I outgrew the old me and found my lost courage, sanity, and heart.

I found out that I really do have friends. My female neighbors came to my rescue. They took it upon themselves to reinvent me. I discovered that when the chips are down, the female solution is to go shopping. I bought a whole new wardrobe, an eyebrow wax, and a totally new hairdo. I even bought a new pair of shoes!

The chessboard is yours to do whatever you like. I ran out of chess pieces when I made it through the middle passage. I’m on my way to figuring out how to be “normal.” I baked fudge brownies yesterday and they were actually edible!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you are ever in San Antonio Texas, I’d love to meet you with a great big smile and a great big hug.

Kelly

Senex is the left. Puer is the Right. "Christ" aka "an epic fathering story" bridges the gap between the abyss of this and the bliss of that!