You Me, Same Same
Making friends is easy if you can find common ground. Commonalities connect people. Finding common ground quickly establishes rapport. Aristotle wrote, "We like those who resemble us, and are engaged in the same pursuits. . . . We like those who desire the same things as we [do]." Additionally, people who begin conversations with a stranger tend to assume that the stranger shares similar beliefs and attitudes, thus making rapport building an easier task. People can seek common ground in three ways:
Contemporaneous Experience
Talking about shared experiences, interests, hobbies, jobs, or any number of other common topics enhances the rapport building process.
Frank: Where are you from?
Susan: Chicago.
Frank: Me, too, where did you live in Chicago?
People who share the same hometowns can quickly establish rapport, especially when the meeting occurs abroad. Clothing, tattoos, office artifacts, trinkets in the home, or even bumper stickers can reveal common topics of conversation. Identifying a favorite football team, military service affiliations, and other organi¬zational memberships also facilitate finding common ground.
Temporal Experiences
Experiences shared across time such as attendance at the same school, military experience, or living in the same geographical region enhance rapport building.
Tom: What do you do?
Earl: I'm in the army.
Tom: Oh, I was in the army in the mid -1970s. Things sure must have changed since then.
Even a short visit to the same town where the other person lives or grew up in has the same effect.
Mike: Where are you from?
Susan: I live in Dallas.
Mike: I went to Dallas on business several years ago.
Vicarious Experiences
A vicarious experience occurs when you experience a lifestyle or activity through another person. People can use vicarious experiences to establish common ground when they have little in common with the other person. This is a favorite technique for sales people to use because they can find common ground with customers, but they don't have to know anything about the customer's occupation because the sale person is talking about some else's lifestyle, skills, or abilities.
Car Salesperson: What do you do for a living?
Customer: I'm a baker.
Car Salesperson: Really? My father was a baker.
The car salesperson doesn't have to know anything about being a baker because he is not a baker, his father was. The salesperson gains common ground and builds rapport no matter what occupation the costumer is engaged.
When all else fails, talk about music. The one thing that most people have in common with each other is music. Music is a neutral topic that most people are willing to talk about, even if their tastes differ.
